[quote snugglebum20]**@DietCokeCoconutandLime* - sending hugs. It sounds like deep down he is not fulfilling your needs. It may be that you don't know what that need is atm but you just know its a need. It can drive a person mad going around and around in your head. Asking yourself 'How can I ever leave him after all these years', talking yourself out of it, agreeing with yourself to make do and make the best of a mediocre situation, then along comes a small irritation from H and you're back to square 1 and re-planning your escape again. I think that if you are at the stage you are at, and which we are all at, with the idea going back and forth in your mind, then I really do think that leaving is the option to take. Once its* gone, its gone - whatever it was, whether lust/love/attraction/respect/trust if its not then then time to leave/make plans to leave.
I feel like I am going to have a breakdown over it all with my H and wanting to leave. I don't want to split the family up, I don't want to sell the family house, I don't want years of hate/bitterness from H because I choose to separate ... but unfortunately they are the options if I can only find the balls to do it.
sending to you all xxx[/quote]
I absolutely agree with what you have written.
It IS driving me mad going round and round. Deciding to make the best of it, then that minor irritation and re-planning your escape, wishing you’d gone last time. This has been my life for about 3 years, the constant going round and round. It’s actually affecting me I think. I need to get out and have a free mind, not to be constantly questioning.
I had one point where he really pissed me off and I spoke to a solicitor. That was my golden opportunity to go, and I’d have done well out of the settlement. But you always wonder if you’re being petty, and surely this isn’t bad enough to break up over. Plus we were in lock down, so I couldn’t imagine going through a divorce at that point with all the kids at home. So I didn’t ‘push the button’ and I regret it.