He said putting our family first doesn’t come naturally

[Skiddamarink]

Me and my boyfriend have been going through it. We have a 1 year old and I’ve been asking him to be there more because on occasions he’s acted quite selfishly.

We were talking about it. I said we should be a priority and a pretty high one at that. He said it doesn’t come naturally to him putting family life first. I don’t really know what to say to that. Are we doomed? Is it because he’s still(!!!) adjusting to family life. I asked why does he think that is, he just said dads aren’t the same as mums. While I think we have exactly the same responsibilities

The guy is being honest and transparent. Seems like he wasn't bothered about having a kid but is doing his best.

@ReadyforTakeOff

The guy is being honest and transparent. Seems like he wasn't bothered about having a kid but is doing his best.

That's a really low bar...

He says he needs me to clearly explain what I need him to do, but he’s not my kid. But he said he wouldn’t expect me to know what he needs all the time

His argument here isn't logical. Of course he doesn't expect you to be able to read his mind if he needs something. I'm sure that goes both ways, and you don't expect him to read your mind. But what you do expect is that he notices you now have a child and consider them, and each other, when going about your lives. That isn't about reading minds but basic parenting common sense.

What he said shows he thinks as a woman you somehow have some secrets in your head that you were gifted and that he, as a man, isn't aware of. So you need to give him step by step instructions.

Which is of course rubbish.

He's not doing his best, he's doing the minimum to keep the relationship going. If he wasn't bothered about having a kid he should have taken more care with contraception or not agreed to have a baby (if it was planned).

He's not part of the team is he. It's OP and their DC. And him. If they're living together as a family that's not good enough.

So yes it's rubbish that you are supposed to tell him what to do OP. You're not his boss. Most people work as part of a team at work and don't need micromanaging. So he should be able to easily do it at home.

Of course you should be his priority
Make him your ex boyfriend