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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I bin this guy off because he follows loads of women on Insta

112 replies

Biscoff123 · 03/10/2021 22:04

Ok, so I know this is really, ridiculously early days.

I met a guy on Friday night on an evening out. Instant connection straight away, he seemed really sweet, quite shy and down to earth, really funny, bit geeky, but absoloutely hilarious and I was laughing and smiling all evening. Physical attraction was there and just had such a good feeling about him!

We have been texting a bit yesterday (initiated by him) quite flirty... he said "maybe I will see you again sometime with a fingers crossed emoji" but hasn't actually asked to go on a date or anything....

Today he sent me a message 7pm (kinda flirty, banter type message)... I replied at 7.30, it is 10pm and he is online but just hasn't replied. Which just unsettled me. I don't want to be more keen than someone else.

I was looking on his Instagram, all his photos are very normal, no photos of him with any girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, so unless he has deleted them looks like he has been single for ever!

I looked at who he follows... probably I'm looking for red flags, and literally it is just hundreds of random girls/models/ lingerie type profiles. It has just put me off of him MASSIVELY. Such a turn off. He is 31 so I'd expect that from a teenager but not a grown man, I just find it gross.

I just feel disappointed, even though I barely known him and only just met him, we had such a good time on Friday, he came across as sooo lovely, and not pervy at all, and it has just been so long since I've clicked with someone like that and so I just feel like eugh, why are all men just gross.

Am I over reacting? Even if me and him did ever date i wouldnt be happy him following all these underwear and x-rated profiles so it would just be awkward and annoying for me to bring up, and I can't be arsed with it.

Just feel shit. I think I got carried away with the thought that I'd met someone with potential

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 03/10/2021 22:10

Throw this one back.. Move on...

you deserve better 🌸

Janaih · 03/10/2021 22:13

Yeah put it down as experience and move on. Dont tell him why, just say you don't want to take it any further or something.

Original poster
Biscoff123 · 03/10/2021 22:14

@QueenBee52

Throw this one back.. Move on...

you deserve better 🌸

He seemed so lovely and sweet and it was the best night I've had in so long... I felt like he felt the chemistry too but now he just hasn't replied. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I just don't want to be second guessing, I want a man to make it clear he likes me, you know?
OP posts:
solarsky · 03/10/2021 22:14

No not over reacting, that would really put me off following lots of model women, not messaging you when he's online, means he can't be that interested and probably messaging another woman, when a man wants to make a good impression he replies promptly unless he's at work, even then there're find a way if really keen and the conversation would be normal getting to know you chat rather than flirty 'banter'

IsThePopeCatholic · 03/10/2021 22:16

He sounds gross. Get rid of him.

Peach01 · 03/10/2021 23:01

That would put me off too. I wouldn't waste time with him.

Geppili · 04/10/2021 00:43

Bin him!

Gothichouse40 · 04/10/2021 00:50

Bin him, you deserve better. He sounds like a 31 year old teenager who has never grown up. Lingerie models, I ask you.

user12123 · 04/10/2021 00:53

You aren't overreacting at all. I couldn't continue to date a man who was so open about his sexualisation of women. He's not following the lingerie models as he's interested in buying the underwear is he...

Jeremyspoke · 04/10/2021 01:04

Yep, chuck him back, it's a shame all women don't instantly bin men like him, maybe then they would realise that being sleazy means no 'real' women (as opposed to insta models who they never stood a chance with anyway) will touch them with a barge pole. You can do better OP.

Bellyups · 04/10/2021 01:07

Bin him off. As PP said, if more women did, maybe they’d realise following half naked women for wank material ain’t attractive

RLEOM · 04/10/2021 02:25

I dated a man like that. It didn't work out. Turns out he had a problem with women. And porn.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2021 02:35

It is gross, even my 24 year old son would say so. My son is adamant that only creeps and weirdos with major issues follow loads of women like that. I agree with him.

IrishMel · 04/10/2021 02:58

Sorry to hear that. Yet another man who is living in a different reality and thinks these women are even interested in him. A red flag already. It would drive you insane and what else is he looking at that you do not know about. Just think you had a nice time and move on.

Sakurami · 04/10/2021 03:02

Yuck. Yes bin him off

Noluthando · 04/10/2021 03:06

Next !

Duckypoohs · 04/10/2021 03:10

Yep, it's gross. I mean at least go to the trouble of having an anon profile to follow your wank bank.Men don't seem to give a shit anymore about letting their sleazy side show.

luckyJasmin · 04/10/2021 03:22

I had this few years ago. Told him about it on our second date (he was commenting lovely stuff on my page - and exactly the same stuff on some insta models page!) his reply? 'I have a lot of love to give..'

Moved on. So glad I did.

A man who spends a lot of time on insta is just a turn off (unless it's for his business).

Counterbottle · 04/10/2021 03:28

‘
I had this few years ago. Told him about it on our second date (he was commenting lovely stuff on my page - and exactly the same stuff on some insta models page!) his reply? 'I have a lot of love to give..'

Lol can you imagine a man if a woman responded back ‘ yeah I have a lot of love to give too and started doing the same kind of shit on men’s profiles
99% percent would flip out or totally be turned off . The Double standards are incredible

Lammysaurus · 04/10/2021 03:35

This seems pretty clear-cut - it's not a case where you have to wonder if he just has a lot of friends who are models or if he's following models out of an interest in fashion or photography or working in a related field. This one's a big NO. I'd just stop texting him now and don't reply if he texts you. Easier now than later.

Original poster
Biscoff123 · 04/10/2021 06:22

Thanks everyone. I've deleted his number now. Feel very disappointed and always makes me question my judge of character as I got such good vibes from him in person! Ah well.

OP posts:
lnsufficientFuns · 04/10/2021 06:26

He sounds like a compulsive masturbator

Grin
luckyJasmin · 04/10/2021 06:28

@Biscoff123

Thanks everyone. I've deleted his number now. Feel very disappointed and always makes me question my judge of character as I got such good vibes from him in person! Ah well.
I'd personally tell him why. Maybe he will think of how he appears to women and there's hope for him, he'll stop having a creepy Instagram. But it's up to you of course
Notcoolmum · 04/10/2021 06:36

It's the first thing I check when I get someone's socials. Would def not get involved with someone like that.

Original poster
Biscoff123 · 04/10/2021 06:46

@luckyjasmin Yes, I had thought about telling him why. But not sure how to do it without it coming across that I'm a creepy stalker who found his Instagram and then looked through the people he was following Grin because we didn't add eachother, I was just doing the essential Facebook and Instagramming of his name to do some investigating haha

What would you say?

OP posts: