Do I bin this guy off because he follows loads of women on Insta

[Biscoff123]

Ok, so I know this is really, ridiculously early days.

I met a guy on Friday night on an evening out. Instant connection straight away, he seemed really sweet, quite shy and down to earth, really funny, bit geeky, but absoloutely hilarious and I was laughing and smiling all evening. Physical attraction was there and just had such a good feeling about him!

We have been texting a bit yesterday (initiated by him) quite flirty... he said "maybe I will see you again sometime with a fingers crossed emoji" but hasn't actually asked to go on a date or anything....

Today he sent me a message 7pm (kinda flirty, banter type message)... I replied at 7.30, it is 10pm and he is online but just hasn't replied. Which just unsettled me. I don't want to be more keen than someone else.

I was looking on his Instagram, all his photos are very normal, no photos of him with any girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, so unless he has deleted them looks like he has been single for ever!

I looked at who he follows... probably I'm looking for red flags, and literally it is just hundreds of random girls/models/ lingerie type profiles. It has just put me off of him MASSIVELY. Such a turn off. He is 31 so I'd expect that from a teenager but not a grown man, I just find it gross.

I just feel disappointed, even though I barely known him and only just met him, we had such a good time on Friday, he came across as sooo lovely, and not pervy at all, and it has just been so long since I've clicked with someone like that and so I just feel like eugh, why are all men just gross.

Am I over reacting? Even if me and him did ever date i wouldnt be happy him following all these underwear and x-rated profiles so it would just be awkward and annoying for me to bring up, and I can't be arsed with it.

Just feel shit. I think I got carried away with the thought that I'd met someone with potential

@lnsufficientFuns

He sounds like a compulsive masturbator

Yes he does, and going by the photos of his socials and complete lack of photos of any ex girlfriends I wouldn't be surprised if he has used porn a LOT due to lack of the real thing!

@luckyJasmin

I had this few years ago. Told him about it on our second date (he was commenting lovely stuff on my page - and exactly the same stuff on some insta models page!) his reply? 'I have a lot of love to give..'

Moved on. So glad I did.

A man who spends a lot of time on insta is just a turn off (unless it's for his business).

A lot of love to give?!

Oh hell no 🤮

[quote Biscoff123]@luckyjasmin Yes, I had thought about telling him why. But not sure how to do it without it coming across that I'm a creepy stalker who found his Instagram and then looked through the people he was following because we didn't add eachother, I was just doing the essential Facebook and Instagramming of his name to do some investigating haha

What would you say?[/quote]
I said something light hearted when he gave me a compliment, I said 'ah you say that to all the women - ''haha''.
He said what do you mean? And I kid you not I got my phone out in the middle of a restaurant and went on this model's page and pointed my finger at his creepy comments 🤣
We sort of laughed it off but it was the final date. I think he was a bit put off by my 'craziness', but I didn't really care.

@luckyJasmin Haha that's brilliant!! Good on you! I wish I had that nerve! I feel slightly better about things now... just feeling proud of myself for binning it off now because I know in the past I have ignored red flags because I just like the person too much, but I don't want to do that anymore.

I had a boyfriend before who followed loads of those kinds of pages, and he wasn't that respectful towards me...he unfollowed them when I brought it up, but as soon as he dumped me he followed them all again as if he was making some sort of point to me

So surprised by rhe reactions. I'd never throw away a chance with someone I got on really well with, and who was hilarious and I was attracted to, just because he follows models on Instagram? I'd at least give him a chance! He's single! If and when you get into a relationship then I'd address it.

@Balonzette

So surprised by rhe reactions. I'd never throw away a chance with someone I got on really well with, and who was hilarious and I was attracted to, just because he follows models on Instagram? I'd at least give him a chance! He's single! If and when you get into a relationship then I'd address it.

I see what you are saying, but it isn't just a few models, and it literally hundreds! And some of the accounts are quite x-rated. I just find that distasteful and makes me worry he won't be very respectful. But also adding to that is the fact I messaged him yesterday and he was online and didn't reply... I feel like I am more keen on him than he is me as even when we were conversing over message over the weekend, it was just him being flirty rather than asking me questions and trying to get to know me. So it is more a combo of things making me doubt him now, and I just have been hurt so many times I really don't want to risk getting mocked around by someone!

If you got into a relationship how would you address it?

I met someone and checked who he followed. Lots of military accounts with one’s profile being “ASPD ,Racist, SS Fascist, Communist, Anarchist, Partizan, Terrorist, radical, vituperative, resistance member”. Manchester United songs and chants. Lots of RAF and armed forces accounts. A dominatrix called Mistress T. Suzi Perry. Lucy Verasamy. Denise Welch. Alex Jones. More army and military accounts. Rachel Riley. (Lots of female presenters but no male ones). Danielle Bux. Tracey Barlow from Corrie. Someone called Holly who posts cheeky pictures. Kym Marsh. Beth Ditto. 509th Bomb Wing. Wayne Rooney.

This said so much about him!

@ValerieCupcake

I met someone and checked who he followed. Lots of military accounts with one’s profile being “ASPD ,Racist, SS Fascist, Communist, Anarchist, Partizan, Terrorist, radical, vituperative, resistance member”. Manchester United songs and chants. Lots of RAF and armed forces accounts. A dominatrix called Mistress T. Suzi Perry. Lucy Verasamy. Denise Welch. Alex Jones. More army and military accounts. Rachel Riley. (Lots of female presenters but no male ones). Danielle Bux. Tracey Barlow from Corrie. Someone called Holly who posts cheeky pictures. Kym Marsh. Beth Ditto. 509th Bomb Wing. Wayne Rooney.

This said so much about him!

Wow, that is a very varied list!!

OP - is this what the world came to? You liked him in person. You haven’t given him a chance to show you what he is actually like.
But you took one look at his Instagram and that’s it?

So shallow on your side. If I were a guy who met/liked you on a night out and then spied on you - and discovered this sort of behaviour pattern - I’d bin you.
So insecure and judgy.

@MMmomDD

OP - is this what the world came to? You liked him in person. You haven’t given him a chance to show you what he is actually like. But you took one look at his Instagram and that’s it?

So shallow on your side. If I were a guy who met/liked you on a night out and then spied on you - and discovered this sort of behaviour pattern - I’d bin you.
So insecure and judgy.

Do you think I am shallow and insecure and judgy because I chose not to pursue something with a man who follows X rated models, racists and fascists and is obsessed with the military?

@ValerieCupcake

I was commenting on the OP’s post. Single guy, shy in person by Op’s account, possibly not in a relationship for a while following accounts of women on Instagram is hardly the same as being racist, etc.
And yes - it’s judgy.

[quote MMmomDD]@ValerieCupcake

I was commenting on the OP’s post. Single guy, shy in person by Op’s account, possibly not in a relationship for a while following accounts of women on Instagram is hardly the same as being racist, etc.
And yes - it’s judgy.[/quote]
I'm glad I was judgy. I might have ended up tied up dressed in camouflage.

I think everyone is entitled to make a judgement about someone they may get into a relationship with. The op has looked at the publicly available information. If the guy didn't want to show what he was like he could easily have just made his account private. Like most people do.

OP, you've done the right thing. Unfortunately a lot of women on here have very low standards, keep your standards high.

"Why not give him a chance?" Because there are plenty of single men out there who aren't creeps. He's not the only single man left!

I'd be put off a man who followed model accounts. It's so creepy and seedy. Why would you be interested in someone like that?

I cba with the ignoring texts thing either. If he can't be bothered to reply then why should you be bothered with him at all?

@ValerieCupcake - you might have, but this is not your thread.

OP, on the other hand may not give TG is guy a chance. And it’s not that easy/often that we meet people we click with.
Who knows what his story is. When did he start following these accounts and why. Did he struggle through lock down. Is he just normally shy to meet people in person. As he hurt in some relationship. Etc.

It’s be different if OP found him following women while in relationship with her. As it is - he is a single guy. And Instagram accounts are there for people to see. It’s not a sign that he is somehow a horrible misogynist.

Yep, I also think this is gross. I had a casual relationship with someone like this and it massively put me off him. He also followed loads of teenage (17-18ish) gymnasts, which was just....ick. There's something really pathetic about a late thirties man lusting over teenagers.

@MMmomDD

OP - is this what the world came to? You liked him in person. You haven’t given him a chance to show you what he is actually like. But you took one look at his Instagram and that’s it?

So shallow on your side. If I were a guy who met/liked you on a night out and then spied on you - and discovered this sort of behaviour pattern - I’d bin you.
So insecure and judgy.

If he was texting me and showing interest in me, then perhaps it would be easier to give him the benefit of the doubt... but because he is being hot and cold with replying, and combined with the percy pages, maybe he is just a non-committal type. I have no idea. He did seem shy and awkward when I met him so I don't know.

Yeah I am being judgy, we all make judgements about people, and part of it is to keep me safe. I've been in unhealthy and abusive relationships in the past so I am very, very wary about anyone I date now. Maybe I'm looking for problems or red flags, maybe he is a completely decent guy, maybe he isn't. I just want someone who is a gentleman and respectful, and when I look at my Male friends who I admire and respect, none of them follow these kinds of pages and I know I'd be embarrassed for people to know I'm dating someone who does follow these because I do find it seedy

This is an interesting thread.

I follow an Irish Band I love,only one of the 4 is single,I looked at his Instagram and he follows loads of the type of women mentioned in the OP’s first post,he is 32! It’s made me feel really yuck about him! None of the other band members follow those types.He is also looking for someone to date,no wonder he can’t find anyone!

I also have sons so looked at their Instagram accounts,both just follow,friends,family and people they are interested in,one climbs,so follows climbers,the other one is a Chef so follows foodie types.

Definitely off putting.

OP - are you sure you are ready to date?
You appear so hurt by some past relationship that you bring all of the baggage onto this.
You see red flags and jump to conclusions. And at the same time appear quite needy.

You met the guy, liked him. Started casual chatting. Neither of you know anything about each other’s lives.
But if you start by keeping track of timing of responses and make sweeping conclusions with no information - this is only going to end up badly.

You are also being naive thinking you can read that much into a person by Instagram followings. You have no idea what your Mail friends do online, or what messages they exchange with their me friends.

This particular guy is irrelevant really, but I do think you need to heal a little more before you date anyone.

Ignore the ridiculous comments OP, you don't need to heal. Other women need to raise their standards out of the gutter.

@Janaih

Ignore the ridiculous comments OP, you don't need to heal. Other women need to raise their standards out of the gutter.

The level of pickme on here is sickening!

I think I'm just trying to learn by past mistakes really. Like I said I dated a guy who followed these types of pages before and he didn't turn out to be very nice. I've also spent too long in the past hung up on people who are emotionally unavailable or just not that into me... I'm trying to get better at realising when I need to bin something off, but sometimes it is hard to know - hence me asking for opinions.

I don't know much about him at all so maybe I am unfairly judging him but I'm just trying to be sensible I guess

It wouldn't bother me personally and I don't think there's anything wrong/abnormal with the guy. No different to a woman lusting after Idris Elba etc really. It's not like the IG girls will be sliding into his DMs.

However, you're entitled to bin someone for whatever reason you like and if you're not at ease with him for this, get rid.

Grr, forgot to put in my other comments. So:

The lack of ex gf pictures again wouldn't bother me. If only because I once had a rough breakup myself and went full scorched earth on my social media So I'd be in no position to judge.

The ignoring of texts and only flirting/not asking genuine questions would put me off, though. That raises red flags of Not Being That Into You.

You're expectations aren't too high at all!

You require an intellectual equal not some letchy knuckle dragger.

File under ape and move on.