I'm never going to shack up with another man

[barbedwired]

I don't need any more children, wedding rings or domestic drudgery.
Twenty five years, 14 hardcore marriage then widowed ( as I was about to divorce him) 11 years ( this one I knew and he wheedled his way into my house during the trauma of the husband suddenly dying ) .
First was a troubled marriage, second looked like something it was not - the penny dropped last month after he assaulted me. I got him out of the house immediately.

I am free!!!!!!!

I've decided that after the healing as this is not easy, I shall find company ( I'm quite happy home alone ) go out for lunches, dinners, maybe a hotel room if we feel like it, travel if it's fun and then live happily ever after seeing my children and living alone with a cat or two.

Anyone want to join this club, is in this club and loves it?

I am often saying on here that it is possible to have a relationship with someone without living with them. I moved in with my DP after 5 happy years together (living in different countries) because we had a baby, before that I'd never lived with a boyfriend because I didn't want to. I am often amazed at the threads on here where a man has moved in with the OP after a few months and she's stressing because he's controlling/lazy/a cocklodger. Only yesterday there were 2 threads where the DH didn't work! I almost want to say,,, give it a year or two then move in if he's hardworking/pays his way/isn't a stinky, lazy arsehole.

I must admit I do love that my house is now fragrant

I'm actually not about the house that much, though I have fully redecorated since my late husband left. That was more about removing the bad memories though.

I'm about the peace, the happiness, the freedom for all of us who live here to be ourselves. I do love my gorgeous bedlinens though.

I'd like to join.
I love my kids, friends, my pets and my house. I am totally content. If a bloke comes around then he can potentially come when the kids arent here but not man will ever move in to my lovely house when they still live here half the week.

It's amazing to be able to support myself and just.. be.

@hiredandsqueak

Me neither OP. Married for 28 years, exh been gone for three years they have been the happiest of my adult life. I thank my lucky stars he had gone pre covid because I couldn't have coped with lockdown with him. Never again will I share my home, my bed or my bathroom with a man.

I feel like that. It would have been hell with him. He was a nightmare to live with in normal times. The kids and I were fine and it was largely peaceful and without stress. He would have made it miserable. Thank God I don't have to worry about his fuckery any longer!

5 years single with the odd 3 month relationship. My house is paid off due to inheritance, 11 yr old DD, 3 cats, good career. Not bad looking for 49, mildly amusing. In fairness, I would love to find my Disney happy ever after man.
But seeing the garbage on OLD, I don't think that's ever going to happen. I could do with a good fwb now and again, but even that has been traumatic trying to finding a decent man without drama!

Me neither. 47 and 7 years on my own. I will never have a man live in my house whilst my girls are living at home. It's not a risk that I am willing to take. I eat what I want, watch what I want, go to bed when I want. I don't think that I could ever live with a man again.

Anthurium- yes.

Absolutely yes, same here.
Seperated for 2.5 years now, and life is just so so so much better living in my home without him. Have two DDs and two cats also, but it's just such a lovelier place to be. I have recently starting dating a nice man, it's early days but I would never move in with someone else, ever. I value the my own space too much.

And yet the amount of threads we see on here from women complaining that "their man" doesn't want to move in!

I have come to this realisation recently.
I love my DH but I would never live with another bloke again if anything ever happened to him.

He was away recently for 2 weeks for work and oh my god, the house was so quiet and clean. I didn't have to top up shop. Just me and the cats.

Now he's back everything is at top volume, a trail of mess behind him, bloody Five Live on the radio and eating everything.

He does the majority of cat care, feeding, cat food shopping, all the bins and watering the garden (hot country). So the only difference for me was that I had to do these small tasks.

I love my own space. Its clean and tidy and smells nice and stays that way. No body hair or bellybutton fluff on the bathroom floor, no one snoring and keeping me awake, no one stinking out the bathroom for hours on end. Buying and cooking what I want without wondering if OH would enjoy it, no having to do their laundry or be their live in IT support person. Not having to be involved with their hobby (vintage vehicles 😴😴) Best of all is no one gaslighting me that he's on the bones of his arse living off a pension when there's over 20k in his current account, property worth over 500k, no mortgage and savings of over 600k 🙄

This thread is so empowering! Amazing energy and advice.

In a similar situation, divorced at 33 with a 1 year old, have had a long term relationship since which was great but we were both on the same page from the beginning that we'd never live together.

I just love the freedom and possibly I'm very selfish but I love being able to do what I want when I want (obviously still consider DD, now 11).

Not seeing anyone at the moment but would happily do so but it would be very chilled, like a once a week thing with maybe a dirty weekend away a few times a year!

I’m in this group and bloody love it. My home with my DCs and cats is (generally 😆) peaceful, harmonious, loving. I date/have a FWB if I want, which means fabulous sexy times when the kids are with their father for the weekend….

I have total financial independence and run my life and our home exactly as I want it. Granted, there are times when I would love an extra pair of hands to help with chores/garden/car/fixing things when they break, but if necessary I “buy in” help.

I never want to talk about running out of loo roll/unloading the dishwasher/who’s picking who up from where..ever again with a romantic partner. I look at married friends and there isn’t a single woman I envy. I don’t give a damn about social status, bigger house etc ….I absolutely LOVE MY LIFE LIKE THIS.

@Eddmr

Me neither. 47 and 7 years on my own. I will never have a man live in my house whilst my girls are living at home. It's not a risk that I am willing to take. I eat what I want, watch what I want, go to bed when I want. I don't think that I could ever live with a man again.

Absolutely. I also have a daughter and there is just no way some random man is making himself comfy in our / her home.

But this was one thing that really narked me about my ex. He shipped on out to move in with his ow straight away. But he implied that I should not be allowing men into MY home as there was a risk to dd.

How fucking dare he.

Not that I want any man here as quite frankly, he put me off for life. But that's a prime example of why no man is ever moving in, as they think they get to call all the shots, apparently when they don't even live here anymore.

He's not my fave person right now so I may be using this space as an outlet

I love this thread! Your stories are awesome! I'm not in this group, I love my dh to bits, been together 12 years but I know for definite if anything happened to him I wouldn't bother with a man again. Lovely energy ladies

I'm happily a member of this club too! Divorced and the only man who comes into my house is the DC's father. We do holidays with the DC together and he takes them to his place or will see them at my place when one of them has an activity happening during his time with them that neither want to miss.

If I dated, I wouldn't want the person around my children because they're all quite young. I definitely don't see myself living with another person for very long time, if ever again. At the moment I'm very happy with a friend with benefits. We have all the exciting "dating" experiences when my children are with their father and like a previous poster said, none of the insecurities that I had from my marriage/previous relationships and none of the domestic drudgery. I've only ever lived with my ex husband but I know I don't want to love with another man unless he's a fictional character from a RomCom...

Same! I am 36 and still live with partner (have for 13 years) but will be living alone by the start of next yearish. The difference between a lot of your stories and mine is that he is a great person, we live together amazingly, great co-parents, he is my best friend. But I had an affair because I was unhappy in life and we've both realised we need things the other can't provide, and we both need our own space. I don't think I'll live with a man again despite how easy it's been with him. I can eat what I want around him, never get picked at, he is chilled.. a lot of men are not. So I don't want another man in my space. My idea is to have all the good things which come with seeing someone.. love, sex, fun.. and then be able to shut the door on them if I need to. Plus it keeps it more fun without the daily drudgery... no washing someones underwear etc. So my introverted self is going to be happy.

And I agree without the living together element, and the full commitment, you also have less insecurities etc. Just less brain involvement. And it's empowering for women to realise this! Which is not good news for men as I think they like to own their woman (my DP aside)
I always thought men would be happier with this situation more but not from what I've seen so far.. men generally want to be looked after and have their woman worship them and be dependent on them.

FrancescaContini
you are my hero

My DP is clean, fragrant, and self feeding. He often buys things like scented candles or flowers for the house because he likes that stuff. I've never done his laundry and never will unless he becomes physically unable.

But I'm still in the club. 'all I want is a room somewhere' as Eliza Doolittle said. I just want a small, easily maintained flat with my own life essentials 'carefully curated' and with tea sets from the charity shop displayed on a shelf.

It isn't a fantasy, it's a life plan. My dad lives in an absolutely brilliant retirement flat (don't you dare laugh) and that's what I want too, once DS has left home.

I want a double bed (not a fkn superking) that will feel just right for one lady, her newspapers and the occasional overnight guest.

Oh wouldn't it be luvverly!

@forumdonkey

I said that when I divorced at 37. Own house, car, job I loved and then ten years later I met someone who changed everything. Didn't want it, wasn't expecting it but I fell deeply in love with someone who felt was the same and felt the same way.

We still live separately for other reasons but one day, hopefully that will change.

The big difference for both of us is we know that we can happily live alone and independently, so it takes someone very very special to change that. Neither of us rely on the the other financially. We can walk away at any time. Neither of us were vulnerable or feared being alone. At nearly 52 I can honestly say that I loved single life 😉 but I love him even more.

Enjoy your single life.

Thanks for sharing your story. It's given me some hope.

It isn't a fantasy, it's a life plan. My dad lives in an absolutely brilliant retirement flat (don't you dare laugh) and that's what I want too, once DS has left home

My Dad also lived in a sort of retirement flat - it wasn't part of a complex as such but it was a small, ground floor place with lots of people of the same arrange around. He absolutely loved it even though he was very reluctant at first.
I live in a one-bed flat (ca. 50 square metres). I was thinking of getting a bigger place at one point - when I was living with ex here, it was too small and it would actually be useful to have a bit more space even living alone BUT with a bigger place comes more mess/stuff to clean; a tendency to fill the available space with junk and of course, more costs for utilities etc.
So, I'm staying here for the foreseeable and if I ever move it will be to somewhere of a similar size. I can thoroughly recommend this size of flat - it's perfect. BUT with NO MAN in it!!

I found it hard to adjust when ex moved out but he was a complete and utter knob. It was just awful. My previous ex was also awful.
I suppose some people would say if I'd met the right man I'd enjoy living with him etc. but I think it's just not for me at all. I have a lot of hobbies/passions and want to be able to get on with them. I want to be able to meet friends and make arrangements without having to think about knob at home.
And I love being able to cook what I want and eat what I want when I want. I was constantly waiting for ex to show up from work which most of the time he didn't until hours later and then showed up drunk. Then he'd just yell at me and shout about the food and whatever. It was truly awful (lots of other things happened too) and I would never risk putting myself through that ever again.
I am sure there are lovely men out there who would be nice to live with but I feel that for me, living with anyone, saps my strength and makes me weaker. I've taken so long to get back to normal - I would never put myself through it again.

And anyway, it's just so lovely here - so peaceful and quiet. I have 2 cats who are a lot of fun. I have all my needs met and have great friends around. I'm falling for a guy at the moment as I think I mentioned up thread. It's nice to have feelings for someone after years of horrible ex and then feeling dead to the world after the split.
But if anything happens with this guy he won't be moving in!!

I’m 30 (31 in a few weeks) and I decided last year after finally getting out of the relationship from hell with yet another abusive prick of man, that never again will I live with another man, marry or have a child with them.

I’ll probably date at some point but I’ll never move in with them and I’m very happy with this.

I have a husband and three kids and a one bedroom cottage on my own is my actual fantasy…