I'm never going to shack up with another man

[barbedwired]

I don't need any more children, wedding rings or domestic drudgery.
Twenty five years, 14 hardcore marriage then widowed ( as I was about to divorce him) 11 years ( this one I knew and he wheedled his way into my house during the trauma of the husband suddenly dying ) .
First was a troubled marriage, second looked like something it was not - the penny dropped last month after he assaulted me. I got him out of the house immediately.

I am free!!!!!!!

I've decided that after the healing as this is not easy, I shall find company ( I'm quite happy home alone ) go out for lunches, dinners, maybe a hotel room if we feel like it, travel if it's fun and then live happily ever after seeing my children and living alone with a cat or two.

Anyone want to join this club, is in this club and loves it?

Live with my eldest son and my cat. I have a partner of 4 years who's well aware that he's never moving in with me, as I value my space and independence too much.

Yes I'll join! Single for 8 years after ex ran off with OW. Single mum to an ASD 10 year old DS, I'm 52. I will never live with a man again, not interested in having a relationship. I have a full and busy life and the freedom to do what I want. DS and I have a lovely relationship and he's the only chap who will be sleeping in my house!

I did have a FWB for six years which suited me down to the ground but that ended and I wouldn't mind another. If that doesn't happen, then I'm happy anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️. Never ever again will I be treated by somebody how my husband treated me. Not ever.

I agree. My children are adults. My DH died fairly recently, we had a decent enough marriage, but I have no desire to recreate it and have someone else in my space.

I hope I won't be alone forever (still quite young) but I won't be moving anyone in.

Sharing a home is an ideal while you raise a family, I think, but why would you after that?

@MorrisZapp and @anthurium making excellent points here, I fully agree. If women had no financial barriers to live the life they wanted, there would be a lot more single women. And probably a lot more genuine relationships, with couples choosing to be together rather than needing to be.

I love this thread! For years and years I (stupidly) longed for that someone special to share my life with after failed relationships. A few years back met someone amazing, at first... that soon turned to feeling suffocated by his neediness. Can safely say that relationship cured whatever longing I had!

I really value my life now, 2 big lads, dog, financially independent, own home etc. The thought of sharing my bed with someone now makes me shudder ha.

I'd like in on this club.
Very recently separated and starting divorce proceedings after 10 years of marriage, the last 3 have been horrendous!
Always thought I'd be with someone but can't imagine this now being in my future, and reading these posts has started to make me wonder if I would even feel a need for this again??
Right now it's painful but these posts give me hope to feel better and build a future for myself and my daughter that is independent and happy.
I hope to have my own living space and make it as i want it, cosy and not dependant on a partner!

Yes please! And can we have our own sub-board, please? [hgrin]

Mid-50s, finished with my third abusive marriage (I didn't discover Mumsnet -> WA/FP until starting from 10 years ago). Never again. Never. Fucking. Again.

DS1&only (now 11) and I are settled in my lovely, perfectly-sized HA property. I have decorated my bedroom without reference to any penis-wielder, and I finally have taken over a whole room for my sewing!

There ain't a man on the planet who's gonna change my mind. I'll have boyfriend(s), sure, but they'll have their own places to live.

Widowed here. Had a good marriage but totally happy living on my own with my kids. Have a lovely partner but no interest in living with anyone again. Love living on my own

Can I put my name on the waiting list?

I’m married and love my DH utterly. He’s an amazing man, clever, chivalrous, thoughtful. But if I faced starting over again I’d live alone forever. I have a great marriage and I know that finding another like DH would be impossible and I don’t want to even bother trying to weed out the bad ones.

I’ll join when the time comes!!

Does everyone on this thread have DC, even if they’re grown up and not living with you? I’m wondering if it’s easier to be determined never to have a live-in partner again when you know you’re not completely alone in the world?

Personally I was a never-againer after I left my abusive exH but it all changed when I met DH. It’s interesting that people are revelling in their freedom of being able to do what they want when they want but I can do all that even with DH around, having said that I think he must be quite rare in having that attitude.

Since being widowed (after the initial horror/sadness) I've found living alone to be brilliant. Prior to that I'd jumped from one relationship to another and not much experience of single life. Super-socialised to put men's needs first.

No children, but I have a multi-species family - 2 cats and a dog.

Don't men and women benefit from relationships/marriage differently? As in men live longer and it shortens womens lives?

@MyCatHatesEverybody

Does everyone on this thread have DC, even if they’re grown up and not living with you? I’m wondering if it’s easier to be determined never to have a live-in partner again when you know you’re not completely alone in the world?

Personally I was a never-againer after I left my abusive exH but it all changed when I met DH. It’s interesting that people are revelling in their freedom of being able to do what they want when they want but I can do all that even with DH around, having said that I think he must be quite rare in having that attitude.

I am 48, on my own with no children albeit a dog. I moved out and found my own place in January this year and I have never felt happier. After 2 long term relationships totalling 27 years I will never ever live with another man ever again.

I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!!!

Marriage ended (his choice) was devastated at the time. Now have realised how much I love my own space and never want it invading again!

I've also realised how strong I am, I feel proud.

@anthurium congratulations 🎉🎉 you sound amazing

I didn't want to live with anyone again while I'm well, but I cared for DH for 6 months, while he was completely bedbound, until he died. It does frighten me that there will be no one to do that for me. His last months would have been completely different if he'd been cared by professionals, away from his home, with no one to arrange and host the regular stream of visitors he had.

I'm in your club. I married very young, divorced in my 40s, remarried, widowed in my 50s. Being single suits me much better.

@NiceGerbil

I'm not in your club OP.

But if DH ever isn't around any more.

No thanks. Never again.

And he's a good one

Me too Dh is great and a wonderful husband but if we were to split up I would never live with another man

I genuinely couldn't think of anything worse than living with a man.. I mean.. All the man mess everywhere.. Mens toilet habits.. Mens personal hygiene issues.. Urgh. I literally couldn't think of anything worse.

I'm in your club too. After 2 long marriages, I love being on my own. Been divorced over 6 years. I have lots of lovely friends, both male and female, and a couple of gentlemen 'friends'. I have been seeing 1 for nearly a year, he stays at mine sometimes or I stay at his. We are great friends but there is no pressure and it is bliss - I'm not giving up my freedom for anyone again.

Yes l am the same, widowed but happily living alone, l do share my home with two sons, we all get on well, enjoy our own space and routines. I have no desire to live with anyone else.
l love the peace and calm, the quietness, my late husband was addicted to the tv, it used to drive me insane, l think l am a person who is much better suited to living alone and sleeping alone, l don't regret my marriage, but this way of life suits me better now.

@ErrmWTAF

Yes please! And can we have our own sub-board, please? [hgrin]

Mid-50s, finished with my third abusive marriage (I didn't discover Mumsnet -> WA/FP until starting from 10 years ago). Never again. Never. Fucking. Again.

DS1&only (now 11) and I are settled in my lovely, perfectly-sized HA property. I have decorated my bedroom without reference to any penis-wielder, and I finally have taken over a whole room for my sewing!

There ain't a man on the planet who's gonna change my mind. I'll have boyfriend(s), sure, but they'll have their own places to live.

"Penis wielder" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

After I left my husband I went a bit crazy for a while trying to find another relationship.

Several years later, I can't imagine ever giving up what I have now to share it with a man. I don't want to compromise and relationships are all about that, so no thanks.

I have my life, my home, my work, and I can please myself. And I like it that way.

I wonder if any men ever sit around having this conversation "I'm never sharing my home with a woman again!"

@Thulian

I wonder if any men ever sit around having this conversation "I'm never sharing my home with a woman again!"

Yes, inthink they do but usually from a I'm not risking being taken to the cleaners again pov

I want to feel like this- I'm 10 months post break up, have started online dating but am desperate to get back to my old self - I LOVED living alone before- but am struggling to connect to it again
This thread will help

@HarrisonStickle

After I left my husband I went a bit crazy for a while trying to find another relationship.

Several years later, I can't imagine ever giving up what I have now to share it with a man. I don't want to compromise and relationships are all about that, so no thanks.

I have my life, my home, my work, and I can please myself. And I like it that way.

I think this is me right now- I'm madly trying to fill the gap