I hate my DP. Finally.

[NoLongerADoormat]

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

I don't actually know where to go from here. He punched me in the head on Monday then got his mum on the phone to tell me how nasty I am for carrying on an argument. He's in my house and every time I tell him to leave he says he's staying here for his son. I've waited ages for my house, it's council and I can't afford private especially not in this area.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

[CandyLeBonBon]

Echoing what the others said. You need to forget about other men right now. You need the police, women's aid and a non-mol. I got one and they were incredibly helpful.

Ranting is fine. But this is not going away without action. It's scary because it feels like you're kicking the hornet's nest. But it has to be done.

[ButtonMoonLoon]

I really recommend that you do the Freedom Programme- it’s a must-do before you even think about another relationship

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

[TheGoblinQueenoftheLabyrinth]

Please report him to the police, women are most at risk when they try to leave an abusive relationship.

With regards to changing the locks whilst he's at work, you don't need the council. You can pick up a barrel from a DIY store for realtively cheaply. It's really easy to replace the barrel on the lock. Look for a video on youtube, you just need a screwdriver.

[Dontjumptoconclusions]

OP... Hope everything is ok. No need to update us if you don't want to, but just sending love ❤️

[Tirediam]

Hope you’re ok OP. I do think you need the police involved and you’ve been given some great advice.
What stands out for me is others who have been through similar …. You’re not alone OP, these bastards exist everywhere. My heart breaks at the thought of a father telling a mother not to pick up a distressed child. The absolute fucking piece of shit

[NoLongerADoormat]

He's not gone in work today. Great. Me and DS are staying at my mums for a few days, I've told her I need a break. At least I can come clean and tell her what's been happening and phone women's aid

[Rumplestrumpet]

I just wanted to say how incredibly brave you are NoLonger and I hope you get the help you need.

On threads like these posters often want to see immediate action but you need to do what's best for you and your baby. It's great you're opening up to your family, sounds like they've been worried about you and will hopefully support you in the next steps. Reach out to Women's Aid and take it from there. But as others have said you can contact the police on your own terms - it's better to call them sooner and alert them to the issue rather than waiting to call them out in an emergency when you need them - logging the assault now doesn't mean they'll come charging in. Women's Aid should be able to advise you on this.

Good luck and stay strong. You deserve so much better and you're taking the first steps to a better future for you and your son.

[Staryflight445]

You need to call the police op, and immediately. The more you delay the further you’re putting yourself and your child at risk.

They can only help you if you tell them what’s happening. I know it’s hard, but anything happening to your son would make this 10x harder.

[bluebell34567]

@Lullsby

Don’t get involved with another man right now. You are vulnerable

true.

[TheHouseIsOnFire]

Forget the other man. You’re not making healthy choices at the moment. You need time to get out of this relationship, process what you’ve been through and build yourself back up so that you don’t end up subconsciously attracting more awful men. They have a radar and can spot a vulnerable woman a mile away. Whatever this guy has seen you posting on FB will have lured him in, so any memes you’ve liked and shared about feeling bad on yourself, how you deserve to be treated like a princess or how you’d do anything for your DS etc will all be building a picture of the type of life you’re living right now. Bear in mind that your thug of a partner may find out about any new man and decide to start punching him in the head too. Give it time please before even thinking about new relationships. You need to be a strong mama for your baby, not relying on another man for your self esteem.

Call Women’s Aid and come up with a plan to keep you both safe long term. They will help you put it all into action in the safest way. The police, with the best will in the world, are only one piece of this puzzle.

[Staryflight445]

I’m struggling to believe you’ve managed to get to your mums.

(Im sorry)

Please op. Get help before he ends up hurting your child, you lose your life or you end up losing your son for not safeguarding him from this.

You can’t protect your son from him unless you report him to the police for his behaviour.

[FortunesFave]

@Staryflight445

I’m struggling to believe you’ve managed to get to your mums.

(Im sorry)

Please op. Get help before he ends up hurting your child, you lose your life or you end up losing your son for not safeguarding him from this.

You can’t protect your son from him unless you report him to the police for his behaviour.

Wtf? Why are you doubting OP?

[SilverOtter]

Use the time at your mums to contact all the relevant agencies/people. Make a plan. If you need to, use the police to get the bastard out of YOUR house.

Rooting for you❤️

[FortunesFave]

I am a bit worried about you leaving him in your house OP.

What if he changed the locks?

I think you need to move things along...call the police and get him arrested. Perfect timing if you're not at the house.

[cuparfull]

@NoLongerADoormat

I've gone into DS's room for the night. I feel so much peace in here.
I would let him take my teeth out with pliers before I allowed unsupervised access and I mean that.

If I reported the DV as an emergency to the council they could the locks straight away I'd just have to pay for it which is fine.
I hate him so much he makes me feel so physically sick it is unbelievable. A man I was close to has added me on Facebook and I've accepted fuck it. Partner has me blocked on all socials anyway so I can do what I want.

PLEEEASE do not even consider entering into another relationship until you have gotten your head straight.

You must not anchor yourself to another human during this period of insecurity. That is not the way to a happy. equal partnership.

I really recommend that you do the Freedom Programme- it’s a must-do before you even think about another relationship

//www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

[StopGo]

Please report this man to the police. If you don't how will you evidence that he is violent and a risk to your son.

[KarmaStar]

Contact women's refuge they will be able to guide you through everything,emotionally,legally,financially.
Ring police get him nicked and demand bail conditions.
Do it now.
Use your hatred to fire you up to take action to protect you and your dc.
You'll be so much happier when you've got rid of him.
Good luck💐🌈

[PersonaNonGarter]

I am also concerned about you leaving him there. You need to be in that house - your mum can come to you - don’t leave him with any claim on it.

[labazslovesliving]

Police. Women's Aid. Solicitor for a non-molestation order. Be worth informing the Council of the situation

[Staryflight445]

@FortunesFave I’m not being nasty by doubting.
His behaviour is appalling and commonly gets worse when women try to leave the situation.

[Closetbeanmuncher]

A man I was close to has added me on Facebook and I've accepted fuck it

I suppose you won't mind him having his head panned in either then, or walking straight into another abusive relationship?

This isn't a game, you have a helpless child to protect ffs. Get with the program.

[Clarice99]

@NoLongerADoormat

He's not gone in work today. Great. Me and DS are staying at my mums for a few days, I've told her I need a break. At least I can come clean and tell her what's been happening and phone women's aid

Do you know why he hasn't gone into work? Has he got wind of your plans to end the relationship? Perhaps you've been acting differently?

You need to be VERY careful at this stage. Statistics show that this is the time that women are at high risk.

Tell your mum. Tell your GP. Contact Women's Aid, the council and the police. Expose him completely.

[cricketmum84]

You need to be VERY careful at this stage. Statistics show that this is the time that women are at high risk.

This times a million. Please contact the police today. You have GOT to report him for your own safety plus that of your baby and your mum.

[SafferUpNorth]

Phone the freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 for advice on what you can do.

[LivMumsnet]

We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful with regards to getting some help in real life.

Please do take a look at our [[https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
Violence]] page.

We are also going to move the thread to our Relationships topic.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ