I have just completely lost it at my partner

[moregano]

My partner and I have been going through a rough time. We decided to make improvements to our relationship rather than end it.

We are not married, no kids etc no big ties like that.

I am a long way from perfect. But today, I have just had enough of his attitude.

I pay for 80% of what is currently our shared life. I don't necessarily have a problem with that.

Today I had some financial stuff I HAD to tell him about. It was like trying to get a toddler to recite plato. He just would not listen. Anyway I sat down and did it all myself and he throws a strop about me "being in a mood".

I have no family and no friends so this anonymous forum is the only place where I can vent and say WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING HELL?!

He wasn't always like this. We've been together a long time and he started this new attitude recently. I would never have picked someone like this.

Yesterday I did a huge amount of cleaning because who the fuck else will do that? As well as working (self employed) and cooking and organising and everything fucking else.

Today he says he will cook dinner. I have a health condition which sometimes makes it extremely painful to walk and also at times walking makes it worse, so if I want it to get better I just have to stay in. I do a Deliveroo. I forget one of the items he says he needed. This is all told to me over two hours while I'm working and sorting finances. I still forgot, but just to be clear not because I'm buffing my nails or something.

Shopping just arrived and he kicks off about this item not being there. We live 3 minutes walk from a shop. I say if he needs the item to go get it. He kicks off even more about how awful I am. Oh and he "WILL NOT" go to the shop.

Like...you can walk without pain, you need X item, fucking walk and go get it. Why does so much fall to me?

I know, I know LTB, everyone else has perfect relationships. Some people probably do but I'm from a very abusive background so I don;t know what normal or anything else is.

I don't think he would be alright without me. But he is a fit, healthy person and he would rather take me to task than go to the fucking shop.

I don't know why he became like this. I can't do everything for two people when I am ill.

I feel like struggling to the shop to get this item while very ill (not covid btw) to prove like, oh, fuck me, normal day to day life, item bought.

Sorry. I am so angry.

Get rid of him. You don't need a man like this in your life as your will eventually be so miserable you won't want to live.
My exH was like this, when I finally got rid my life took off.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky I'm glad you're free now.

I think this argument just added even more perspective on the inequality of the situation. Like, I do all this and you "won't" go to a local shop to buy one item when the trip would take 10 minutes MAX?

So you pay for 80% of your lives, do all the cleaning, and even organise his shopping when he cooks dinner. That’s not even good enough for him, he needs to shout at you because you forgot one item.

Please have some sled confidence and get rid of this horrible person form your life. He can’t live you or he wouldn’t allow you to be working so hard to it for almost everything.

*self

Sorry about all the typos! I hope you get my drift, LTB.

I know, I know LTB, everyone else has perfect relationships. Some people probably do but I'm from a very abusive background so I don;t know what normal or anything else is.

My relationship is not perfect. But yours is not worth “saving” it seems - he’s treating you horribly and using you financially. He’ll be worse off without you than you are without him.

Relationships are give and take, compromise and above all care for the other person in it, that is equally reciprocated.

Not acting like a child when one item in a shop you didn’t arrange or pay for is missing, and the solution is so easily available.

Don’t let someone take you for granted. You’ve got to value yourself.

I think it benefits him more to stay in the relationship, to be honest. He has no respect for you but knows when he's onto a winner.

My relationship is not perfect by any means but like fuck would I put up with that. You’d be so much better off without him.

Your life would be better off without him, believe me.

Why are you bothered how he will cope without you? He’s clearly shown he’s not bothered about you especially with your health.
The only person you need to think about is YOU and you deserve better

You come from an abusive background so your boundaries in relationships, skewed as they already are by past abuse, are being further eroded and otherwise got at by this man now. He thinks all the life admin and any chores are your job in view of the fact that you're female. If you have a "shared life" too why is he not paying 50% of the costs. Why are you paying 80% of it at all?.

You have no ties to him; do find it somehow within yourself to make the break. I would also suggest you enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme which is for those who have been in abusive relationships.

Other relationships are not relevant
Not many people have a perfect one but most people look for one which has a respectful , kind and equal partner
Not an asshole
Even with your health condition I think you would cope absolutely fine without him and then think what possibilities that opens up for you ?

No relationship is perfect. It’s a matter of personal opinion isn’t it.

Am I happy to live like this?
Would I stand a better chance out of this relationship?

Those are the questions and you answer them.

Don’t go to the shop, that’s just stupid. Don’t cut your nose to spite your face, he wants you to go to the shop

My relationship isn’t perfect either, my dh is not perfect but he has never in our 30 years together been unkind to me.
Your partner is not a kind person.

@PickAChew Got it in one really.

Looks to me like he is the one who needs to improve, not you.

Why couldn’t he have handled the food order while you did the finances?

Why is he not doing any cleaning?

Why does he have such a bad attitude lately?

I couldn’t put up with it. He’s not even trying to improve the relationship. It’s like he’s deliberately sabotaging it. Give him a final warning to do better or get out.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Get rid of him. You don't need a man like this in your life as your will eventually be so miserable you won't want to live. My exH was like this, when I finally got rid my life took off.

Snap

Why indeed are you so seemingly bothered as to how he would cope without you?.

He managed before you came along and he is certainly capable of doing so again. I am wondering also if you are codependent; his needs though are not more important than yours.

@GiveMeAUserName123 I'm not going to the shop. I was just so angry I thought about it.

Oh no. No. No. No.

Tell him to pack his bags and leave tonight. What a wanker. He wont be missed.

You are not responsible for looking after a man who doesn't even like you.

That man is draining the life right out of you. He brings nothing to your life.

"We decided to make improvements to our relationship rather than end it".

It did not take him very long to renege on that. There is no "we" in this relationship really; it is you and he.

Leave and be so much happier single than with this arsehole who quite frankly sounds like he brings no good to your life at all

Energy vampire.

My relationship is far from perfect but definitely wouldnt be accepting that...

Chuck him back, OP, he is so full of resentment he'll float on the his next victim without so much as a glance.

Why do you think that he is all you deserve. Being alone is much more fun than this.
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