I have just completely lost it at my partner

[moregano]

My partner and I have been going through a rough time. We decided to make improvements to our relationship rather than end it.

We are not married, no kids etc no big ties like that.

I am a long way from perfect. But today, I have just had enough of his attitude.

I pay for 80% of what is currently our shared life. I don't necessarily have a problem with that.

Today I had some financial stuff I HAD to tell him about. It was like trying to get a toddler to recite plato. He just would not listen. Anyway I sat down and did it all myself and he throws a strop about me "being in a mood".

I have no family and no friends so this anonymous forum is the only place where I can vent and say WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING HELL?!

He wasn't always like this. We've been together a long time and he started this new attitude recently. I would never have picked someone like this.

Yesterday I did a huge amount of cleaning because who the fuck else will do that? As well as working (self employed) and cooking and organising and everything fucking else.

Today he says he will cook dinner. I have a health condition which sometimes makes it extremely painful to walk and also at times walking makes it worse, so if I want it to get better I just have to stay in. I do a Deliveroo. I forget one of the items he says he needed. This is all told to me over two hours while I'm working and sorting finances. I still forgot, but just to be clear not because I'm buffing my nails or something.

Shopping just arrived and he kicks off about this item not being there. We live 3 minutes walk from a shop. I say if he needs the item to go get it. He kicks off even more about how awful I am. Oh and he "WILL NOT" go to the shop.

Like...you can walk without pain, you need X item, fucking walk and go get it. Why does so much fall to me?

I know, I know LTB, everyone else has perfect relationships. Some people probably do but I'm from a very abusive background so I don;t know what normal or anything else is.

I don't think he would be alright without me. But he is a fit, healthy person and he would rather take me to task than go to the fucking shop.

I don't know why he became like this. I can't do everything for two people when I am ill.

I feel like struggling to the shop to get this item while very ill (not covid btw) to prove like, oh, fuck me, normal day to day life, item bought.

Sorry. I am so angry.

I'm obviously very defensive on this point because of my background and also because even without that it would make me a terrible person.
Your're not defensive. You have no reason to need to justify your feelings on this food point. He is a grown man, he knows how kitchens work.
I cannot believe he is giving you a hard time over the abundance of food you provide for him.

The other thing was that he feels like shit because I pay the majority of our expenses and it's made him depressed.
Aaaaaaw ....
Fuck that noise OP.

You know what victim-blaming is, right?
This is a serious case of perpetrator-excusing.
If he feels bad about not paying his way, he can work harder to earn money. If he also fucks right off while he's at it, that would be a bonus.

According to him I can be very cold and honestly, he isn't the first person to tell me that.
I imagine the other person who told you that was also manipulating you.
You're not cold, you're generous to a fault, deep-thinking, & a kind & contemplative person.

When you've finally got rid of your cocklodger, can you spend the money he costs you on some lovely counselling for yourself? Some handholding & expert support after his headfuckery will do you the power of good.

Also ... people who worry a lot about whether they might be/become abusive ... tend not to have abusive traits. Really. xx

Thank GOD you don’t have a kid with him! He’d be jealous of it and compete with it - and when you inevitably break up, he would weaponise the child too… just like your eating disorder. Get out! He’s so, so, dangerous!