Is it me?

[Sonaftersonafterson]

Morning everyone, new here and first post but I've been reading for years and some of the advice on here has helped a lot. So I wanted some opinions on my new relationship please. I dont know what to think or if I'm being silly. Divorced last year, 3 kids. I have dated a bit... but it's not gone well and maybe I'm jaded with this guy but I'm about to call it off.

Met 6 weeks ago. Both divorced and wanting a nice, easy relationship nothing heavy except respect. Both got kids. Hes been great, in touch every day, sex is considerate and fun, hes intelligent and sweet. Lately though, he is taking hours to reply to me. His excuse being he is preoccupied. He is quite straight in the way he talks, but started to open up yesterday and so I took the opportunity to tell him that our last little rendezvous was so much fun, how I loved that there was no awkwardness, how it felt natural and was so sexy. Sent at 5pm. Read. Ignored. I felt a bit silly. Waited until 11pm, his bed time, to see if a response was coming or even a goodnight. Nope. So I messaged him saying "no reply to that!? Sorry if I freaked you out, I was just saying I think were a good fit'.
He replied saying "nah you didnt freak me out. I'll tell you if you don't

I was pretty taken aback. I expected "no course not! I feel the same!". I thought my message was nice, he had been talking that day about wanting to be with me and I thought we were all good.

Meant to be meeting Wednesday and I want to cancel. I feel stupid. I was really expressive and he was just flat. Everything else is good.... would you feel the same? Convo leading up to my message was a bit sexy / flirty from him so I thought my message was in line. He made me feel like a pervy creep!!

used to go out at the weekends and leave me home with my younger sister (me maybe 10, her 6). And I hated it. I used to call the pubs bar phone asking for her. The relief I felt when they came home

And there is is. Your fear of not getting enough attention. Your inner child will be triggered at the very hint of you not getting enough attention, because your inner child has never been nurtured. I bet the feeling if 'ugh' you got when your date responded 'flatly' was a similar physical feeling to the one you can remember when your parents left you alone. And I bet the relief you would have felt if he'd suddenly reciprocated all your excitement and passion would have been the same feeling as when they came home.

Pandora's box indeed, but life changing to recognise this. When we stop being children and start being adults, what happens is that we don't need parents to look after us any more, because we can do it for ourselves. What many of us do (I did, and you have been, until this morning) is look for another adult to do it for us. It's time to learn to mother your inner child yourself. It's time to realise that if everybody disappeared and you were single forever, you could take care of yourself, emotionally. How can you nurture that most sensitive and neglected little child inside you, right now? Offer her luxury, warmth, acceptance and so so much love that she learns to trust in that love, and refuse to go to places that feel anything less than fulfilling for her, emotionally. That's self respect. That's somebody who walks away rather than losing their shit. That's somebody who confidently says 'You've got no chance, mate', to somebody who falls short of meeting her needs.

You know what's at the bottom of Pandora's Box, right?

@Sonaftersonafterson sorry you're feeling so rubbish. @TheFoundations always speaks a lot of sense in her posts, and I am very similar to you with the rejection sensitivity. To give an example, I recently cooled it with a guy I'd seen a few times. It was for good reasons and my suggestion, but when he agreed, my 'I've been rejected' story showed up immediately! I'm in therapy and am at the stage of trying to connect with my inner child/younger self - whom I wholly reject for a host of reasons. I'm a bit stymied by a really poor autobiographical memory, so was a bit stumped how I go about doing this, but have just bought a book called The Child in You, to try and help me. We can do this