Boyfriend is annoyed I've asked him to stay less

[whatonearthwasthat]

My boyfriend of nearly 3 years stays at my house most nights. I've recently been feeling a little smothered and could do with some space so have asked him to stay a little less often (maybe 3/4 nights instead of 6/7).

I wasn't rude and thought I was quite fair with how I approached it but he appears to be incredibly annoyed and has said that I should want to be spending most nights with him if the plan is to live together at some point. (He has no issue with me having plans or doing things in the evening but he always expects to come round after).

Is he right, is me wanting some nights to myself an indication that I don't want to live with him eventually?

He’s treating you appallingly, and why on earth would he ever officially move in when currently he gets to stay there full time anyway without contributing financially or practically?! He’s a lazy, entitled, selfish pig who has been using you for a long time. Have you ever confronted him about it?

Grown men who act like they need a mummy are just such a turn off.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Did he tell your daughter not to eat the melon you bought her??

Oh I really hope that’s not the same man. If it is he should have been booted out already.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee
Did he tell your daughter not to eat the melon you bought her??

@Ninkanink
Oh I really hope that’s not the same man. If it is he should have been booted out already

Are we talking about the guy who used to look forward to his DP's weekly shop??

Honestly, so many cocklodgers and so many 'kind women' who cater to their every needs...

There are so many alarm bells for me here.. In no particualr order:

• he gets 'huffy' when you ask him not to come around
• he comes to your place 6/7 nights a week despite knowing you want some space
• he comes to your place 6/7 nights a week and doesn't contribute.

The cheek of the man! I can't believe he thinks that's OK. I would be so embarassed to spend that much time at someone's house nd not contribute. No wonder he's getting huffy - he's saving loads of money at your expense. Does he at least pull his weight with the workload while he's there (Do his fair share of cooking, food shopping, pot washing etc)?

If not he is taking the p**s more than just financially.

I can see why you want space from him. And that is your choice, not his.

Please don't even consider moving in together until you have sorted out how the finances would work, fairly, and that you would share the workload fairly.

And in the meantime, I suggest pointing out to him that he needs to start paying his way and sharing the workload. 50% of the time he's at yours he is responsible for deciding on the meal, shopping, cooking and pot washing. I think it will suddenly become less appealing to him. Or he'll agree to that but not actually do it.

The fact you want space, though, does suggest that you aren't ready to think about moving in with him. And that is absolutely fine. Don't ever move in with someone out of politeness or it's because they expect it. You will live to regret it. Perhaps the r'shop has run its course? (And I wouldn't be surprised as he's been taking you for a mug - that would have put me off him too).

Why have you inflicted this sulking parasite on your kids? How come you allow this parasite in your life? Ridiculous.

He does sound like a free loading greedy bullying selfish controlling prick tbf

Please don't even consider moving in together until you have sorted out how the finances would work, fairly, and that you would share the workload fairly.

Normally I’d totally agree with this. But here I disagree. I’d stop at ‘Please don’t even consider moving in together.’

@whatonearthwasthat This is who he is. If he was going to be fair about finances and willing to share the workload, it’d already be happening. This, the selfish manchild you have bunking with you now, is who he is and who he’ll always be. When a man tells you who he is, believe him.

He's taking the piss by not contributing.

I don't think you're wrong for feeling the way you feel. I like my space even when living with someone so 6/7 nights a week would drive me crazy even if I was really into the guy!

Op he is stealing from your children. He is using money meant for them. And he has no respect for any of you.

It is strange, this breed of men who get their feet under the table with no benefits - why would you volunteer to look after another person (especially when you already have children)?
Woman's work indeed.

Partnership are supposed to be just that, and equal.

I hope OP has ended this.. I really do 🌸

@whatonearthwasthat

how are you 🌸