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Original poster

Boyfriend is annoyed I've asked him to stay less

137 replies

whatonearthwasthat · 05/09/2021 21:53

My boyfriend of nearly 3 years stays at my house most nights. I've recently been feeling a little smothered and could do with some space so have asked him to stay a little less often (maybe 3/4 nights instead of 6/7).

I wasn't rude and thought I was quite fair with how I approached it but he appears to be incredibly annoyed and has said that I should want to be spending most nights with him if the plan is to live together at some point. (He has no issue with me having plans or doing things in the evening but he always expects to come round after).

Is he right, is me wanting some nights to myself an indication that I don't want to live with him eventually?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 05/09/2021 22:43

Ugh. Bin him as he has no respect for your boundaries.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/09/2021 22:47

He's done a stealth move in...

Bleurgh.

Longdistance · 05/09/2021 22:48

He’s a cocklodger and he’s annoyed that his free ride is over.
LTB.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/09/2021 22:48

[quote whatonearthwasthat]@HollowTalk During the week it's dinner and evening snacks and at the weekend it's breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks [/quote]
So why do you and him think it's ok for a single mum to sub a grown adult man? He should be embarrassed and you should be turned off massively.

Original poster
whatonearthwasthat · 05/09/2021 22:50

@WhatMattersMost I think you might be on to something there

OP posts:
Moooning · 05/09/2021 22:50

Massive cocklodger. You basically have an additional teenager in your home that you have to pay for. What a selfish and controlling sod

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/09/2021 22:51

Where’s do you see this relationship going?

Smackthepony · 05/09/2021 22:58

@WhatMattersMost

I think the part of you that is asking for more space is the same part of you that knows that the relationship isn't equal and that it's not working.

It feels like it's a way of making a move towards ending things but not entirely consciously.

Perhaps it's time to pay more attention to what you're really feeling?

This^

This was going through my mind when reading your OP.

HollowTalk · 05/09/2021 23:00

So every week he eats 18 meals/snacks for free at your house and he can't see why you're unhappy about this? He is literally taking food out of your children's mouths!

Akire · 05/09/2021 23:02

Call his bluff he can officially move in 7 days a week. Now he’s moved in we need to work out what % of rent bills food and chores he’s doing. He suddenly feel like he wants slow down and go back to 3 nights a week.

saraclara · 05/09/2021 23:07

The fact that he hasn’t already contributed and offered to do his share of household tasks, coupled with the fact that he’s being huffy about it when you only mentioned your reasonable need for some space perfectly nicely, makes me think he’s a bit of a manchild who thought he was on to a brilliant cocklodging arrangement.

That. It's astonishing that he expects you to feed him and doesn't even put his hand in his pocket to buy any of it. He's acting like one of your children. Have you ever asked him to go to the supermarket for you? Ever asked him to contribute to the food bill?

Pinkbonbon · 05/09/2021 23:12

Wow, he is a total using bastard. Think about the money you would have saved to spend on your kids if you hadn't been feeding him these past few years.

Perfect example of how a thread here can highlight the bigger picture problem wise.

For what its worth, I wouldn't want to share my home 6 nights per week either i dobt think.

But this guy is just taking the piss.
And theres no point talking about it with him because no one with any respect for you spend your money and cocklodges. And you cant talk respect for others into a person.

The huffs too. Ick.

Get rid..

Catatafish · 05/09/2021 23:14

You've got yourself a cocklodger 🚩

Cherrysoup · 05/09/2021 23:17

Massive cocklodger. How can he live with himself making you pay for everything?! Start asking for him to do the weekly shop housework. Bet he won’t want to come round so often.

Ninkanink · 05/09/2021 23:18

@WhatMattersMost

I think the part of you that is asking for more space is the same part of you that knows that the relationship isn't equal and that it's not working.

It feels like it's a way of making a move towards ending things but not entirely consciously.

Perhaps it's time to pay more attention to what you're really feeling?

Very much agree with this.
Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2021 23:19

Come on, you know this relationship is all wrong. He certainly saw you coming, didn't he? He's a prick and he's a cocklodger. What a prince.

PurpleOkapi · 05/09/2021 23:19

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to live together. But there's also nothing wrong with him wanting to do so eventually. If you're not on the same page about that, consider whether there's a compromise that might make you both happy. If not, you may just be incompatible.

I always preferred living alone, and couldn't imagine ever wanting to live with anyone. But when I had to move for work, I couldn't very well ask my now-husband to move with me and not live together. Nor could we have comfortably afforded separate places at that point, anyway. So we shared a one-bedroom for several years, and that was at times difficult for an introvert like me. It became much easier when we got a larger place and could both have "alone time" without either of us leaving the house. If combining your household expenses would enable you to live somewhere larger, that solution may work for you, too.

nimbuscloud · 05/09/2021 23:20

Yet another fucking sponger.

Lakeshore6 · 05/09/2021 23:23

What a cheeky piss taking bastard!

BeachDrifting · 05/09/2021 23:29

Wow. He’s been getting a free ride. Tell him you need some space so he won’t be coming over at all in September and you’ll rethink and see where you both stand at the end of the month. He sounds like a man child. Has he ever contributed at all financially? How did you get into this arrangement? It’s like you’re his mum!

AloneOnSaturn · 05/09/2021 23:30

Surely he must know (and seemingly not care) that he’s taking the piss out of you and your children? I would be embarrassed to stay at a partner’s house for 6 days a week and not contribute a penny.

SarahBellam · 05/09/2021 23:33

Are you the same OP who posted about her cock lodger boyfriend eating all her food and hogging the remote control without paying a penny? If so, you really need to kick his sorry ass into last week.

CassandraTrotter · 05/09/2021 23:33

The fact that he hasn’t already contributed and offered to do his share of household tasks, coupled with the fact that he’s being huffy about it when you only mentioned your reasonable need for some space perfectly nicely, makes me think he’s a bit of a manchild who thought he was on to a brilliant cocklodging arrangement.

All of this. He is a moody, sulking, cocklodger.

What do you think he brings to the table? A dog could probably replace him.

BlackIsQueen · 05/09/2021 23:35

You deserve better than this. The question is why you are acting against your own best interests? Whose voice is in your head, telling you that you are being unreasonable? You know you're not and so does he which is why he is pushing your boundaries. Cheeky CL fucker. Tell him not to bother coming over again. He's a waste man

notacooldad · 05/09/2021 23:37

He won't just turn up after I've been out but he'll want to come over and then get huffy when I say no
I hope you tell him to grow the fuck up when he huffs!
Pathetic!

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