Married 18 months and planning to end it already.

[Bookaholic73]

My DH and I have been married 18 months and I already think it’s a huge mistake.

We are both in our 40’s and met & married within 18 months, and I now know it was a huge mistake.

I have found him out countless times lying about silly little things. I don’t believe a word of what he says.

The only 1 thing I am certain of is that he wouldn’t cheat on me.

The main reasons I want to leave:

-I’ve learned he is £1000’s in debt. This in of itself wouldn’t be enough to leave, but it is the secrecy about it. I only found out by accidentally opening his mail one day.

-His kids still can’t even be friendly, even though we’ve been together over 3 years now. I don’t blame them, we definitely moved too fast with getting married etc. They are 12 and 10.

-He has no idea how to communicate about anything, constantly makes promises that he breaks.

-Whatever happens, everything is always someone else’s fault. Usually mine.

I’m not kicking him out right this second. He treats me well day to day, we do fun things together and life is easier with him around day to day.

The house is mine and we have no kids together, so it’ll be a clean break when it happens.
I don’t rely on him financially, the other way around actually.

But I do need to save up some money before kicking him out, as I’ll need a car for work and to replace a few household items.

Not sure why I’m posting, I guess it’s to see if anyone else is going through a similar thing, or if you’ve been through it?

God get legal advice. I hope he doesn't try to claim anything of your house! I think he might be entitled even though he's only been with you a while because he earns less than you.

I'd get legal advice asap as you may not be able to make a clean break financially?

The house is rented and he isn’t on the tenancy agreement, so I don’t need to worry about the house.

If you want a clean break surely ASAP is better. The longer you leave it the stronger possibility he can make a financial claim on you?

I think he could still come after your income? But ianal so I don't know. Someone more knowledgeable will come along soon

As others say, the sooner the better otherwise you risk needing a financial assessment if he has depended on your income. And after you separate, get on with the divorce quickly.

I’d divorce sooner rather than later. If you set a precedent of financially supporting him and your marriage ends up being ‘long term’ you could find yourself having to hand half of all your assets to him.

Consult a solicitor sooner rather than later.

Thank t definitely won’t be ‘long term’, just another year or so.

I don’t really have any assets. I rent my home, don’t have any savings that he knows of.

Oh dear, get legal advice asap as those debts now also belong to you. Best of luck, where there is a will there is a way

“Just another year or so”

Utter madness.You need proper financial advice. Divorce sooner rather than later.

I would get legal advice and divorce as soon as possible. If he relies on you financially he may not want to go.

It doesn't matter that he doesn't know about your savings. He may be entitled to them and you would be in trouble if it looked as if you were deliberately hiding them. Thank God you don't have kids or house together op! Agree with others that you need to get some real life legal advice.

The longer you leave it the more entitled his will be to a 50:50 split of all your assets. I would get some legal advice asap and don't hang around if you know it's not working.

Do you have a pension? He could be entitled to some of it.

I agree - divorce asap. The shorter the marriage the better when it comes to divvying everything up.

I'm here again, 2 months later, and I can't wait anymore.

I'm going to tell him when he gets home from his 'walk' -if that's actually what he is doing, he lies so much I don't know what's the truth and what's not.

I've had a look at his recent bank statements (without his knowledge, yes I know it's not good) and can now see he is spending up to £200 a month gambling online.
He was also contacted by the daughter of a woman that he used to date 10 years ago recently, and he has been sending her money.

While we are struggling to pay the bills because he recently lost his job.

I'm wondering if she is his daughter because the message he sent with that payment to her was 'love from Dad'.

I don't think he will argue, he isn't in the slightest bit aggressive. But I'm still dreading it. I'm not going to scream and shout, I'm just going to tell him to pack some bags and leave for a few weeks. We can sort everything out after that.

I rent this home from the LA in my own name, he isn't on the tenancy.
We have a joint account which I'm going to drain before telling him about any of this.
We have no kids together.

Can someone please hold my hand??

@Hothammock

Oh dear, get legal advice asap as those debts now also belong to you. Best of luck, where there is a will there is a way

I'm pretty sure that's bollocks.

@thecatneuterer i hope not. None of it's in my name, just his from before we met.

Anyone?

Have you emptied the account yet?

Yes, all done. I left £50 in there so that he can afford to go to his job interview and also get the train to wherever the hell he is fucking off to. His car is mine, so he can’t take it.

Clean break. You'll be lucky. He will be after a share in your house. But I dont think the debts are your respondibility legally. AFAIK.

Empty or freeze the bank account asap.

Make sure you tell a few friends if you need help from them to make him move out and stay out.

Then tell him it is over and you want him out by end of Saturday.

You don't need a hand hold other than that.

So get on with it

The house is rented from the council, not owned. And he isn’t on the tenancy agreement.

@RedMarauder well excuse me for wanting some support.