Married 18 months and planning to end it already.

[Bookaholic73]

My DH and I have been married 18 months and I already think it’s a huge mistake.

We are both in our 40’s and met & married within 18 months, and I now know it was a huge mistake.

I have found him out countless times lying about silly little things. I don’t believe a word of what he says.

The only 1 thing I am certain of is that he wouldn’t cheat on me.

The main reasons I want to leave:

-I’ve learned he is £1000’s in debt. This in of itself wouldn’t be enough to leave, but it is the secrecy about it. I only found out by accidentally opening his mail one day.

-His kids still can’t even be friendly, even though we’ve been together over 3 years now. I don’t blame them, we definitely moved too fast with getting married etc. They are 12 and 10.

-He has no idea how to communicate about anything, constantly makes promises that he breaks.

-Whatever happens, everything is always someone else’s fault. Usually mine.

I’m not kicking him out right this second. He treats me well day to day, we do fun things together and life is easier with him around day to day.

The house is mine and we have no kids together, so it’ll be a clean break when it happens.
I don’t rely on him financially, the other way around actually.

But I do need to save up some money before kicking him out, as I’ll need a car for work and to replace a few household items.

Not sure why I’m posting, I guess it’s to see if anyone else is going through a similar thing, or if you’ve been through it?

Yeah you’re right, it’ll be yesterdays news soon. Hopefully.

As stupid as it sounds I’m more worried about the dog than anything. He loves my ex so much, he’s going to pine for him.

Well done OP, you’ve done the right thing. Stay strong & cuddle the dog, she’ll be fine too.

I’d like to bet some friends will think / say “I knew there was something not quite right” or “I’m amazed you didn’t do it sooner”

@VanCleefArpels

I’d like to bet some friends will think / say “I knew there was something not quite right” or “I’m amazed you didn’t do it sooner”

This is so true. It's amazing how much the 'everyone loves him, he's such a nice guy in everyone else's eyes' turns out to be a 'ugh we never liked that wanker' type!

Wish they'd all told me sooner but I felt vindicated it turned out they agreed all along!

@VanCleefArpels funny you should say that. I spoke to my best friend last week about it all (the lying etc) and she literally said exactly that: I knew that something wasn’t right.

We (the dogs, cats & I) are all snuggled up in bed now, watching some Netflix on the TV.
We (my ex & I) rarely slept in the same bed, as things got worse between us I just couldn’t sleep next to him.

He has just started the texts again and I’m trying not to reply.

Don't reply, op. It will only egg him on thinking he has a chance to weasel his way back in. Well done for ending it.

Can you block him for a few days - tell him that you need a break and will be in contact later in the week when you are ready to sort out arrangements? Interesting about your friends, and sounds like it makes sense you feel relieved. Don't be embarrassed - these things build up - if he had been as bad at the beginning as he was at the end, you would not have touched him with a 10 foot pole. And we take people on face value when we are reasonable truthful people - people like him rely on that. I bet he has form for this. Good for you for taking decisive action and not letting it drag on. Make sure you have lots of friends around, this is tough stuff.

Can someone please tell me how to block him on my phone (temporarily, as obviously we will have to sort out stuff)?
I have an iPhone.

Go to the Phone all, tap his name, scroll to bottom and in red it says block this caller

Tap the name at the top of the message > Tap the 'info' tab > scroll down. You should see 'block this caller' in red > tap that, then 'confirm' using the pop up that appears.

Do the same to 'unblock'.

Done. Thank you all. I’m going to get some sleep now. Goodnight, and thank you for the support.

Good morning.

Unblocked him this morning and only had 1 message overnight. Although he did try contacting me via FB messenger but I was asleep.

I’m trying to think of what I need to do today, sorting the joint account, changing locks etc.
not sure whether to do it straight away or wait a few days for the dust to settle?

You sound like a very efficient person OP. What dust needs to settle? Of course if you are tired and can't face it, then by all means wait until you have more energy. But if you're worried about giving him an appropriate gap in which to adjust, I'm not sure it's in your best interests.

Changing locks might give you some much-needed privacy, and acting decisively makes it clear you really mean it. Accidentally giving mixed messages could make things more complicated for you both.

Pat yourself on the back for not waiting years to realise what needed to happen!

I just feel exhausted @Alcemeg and don’t think I can face it today. I also have a really upset stomach. Probably stress to be honest.

I think I’ll wait a few days to gather my strength emotionally.

That sounds like a good plan, OP. Take good care of yourself! None of this is easy. It really takes it out of you. But well worth it in the end.

As long as you truly feel that he'll respect your privacy and need for space a few days won't hurt.

But if you feel he might try to gain access to the house or anything online then it's best to move now to change locks and passwords.

The only other concern is people whom you want to tell what has happened first as opposed to having to clean up after his lies get to them.

Great that you've made a decision. And yes - the girl he is sending money to absolutely sounds like his daughter if he is calling himself dad and sending her money. Undeniable.

Obviously you don't have to worry about the home if you don't own it. But definitely get legal advice about his debt and also your savings etc - just because you acquired savings before you met or that he 'doesn't know about them' doesn't mean that his solicitor won't try to get 50% of them. By marrying you have shared your assets with him

You sound like you've made up your mind. So tell and start your life without him.

My message is obviously out of date - didn't read whole thread. Good luck OP.