DH said ‘something is missing’

[Danielle2500]

So DH dropped a bomb… we were talking about our marriage and he just said for him ‘there’s something missing’.
I asked him what he meant and he said he didn’t know what it was, couldn’t put a finger on it, but had just been feeling that something is not there.
After some questioning, the following have been revealed:

• he’s been feeling like this for years
• it’s not something that’s bothering him
• he loves me and wants to carry on with the marriage

This has upset me so much, I feel like our marriage can’t be as great as I thought it was if something is missing from it :(

What do you make of this?

[quote Crikeyalmighty]@honeybuns007. I personally think this may be more accurate. A lot of men are poor at phrasing things and he may well mean that his life feels like something is missing generally. Some people simply are never satisfied about anything and imagine that a change of location/partner/job will give the that ‘completely satisfied ‘ feeling— and it very rarely does[/quote]
Agree with this.
So many people are leaping into assuming affair etc but nothing he said suggests that. They were talking about the marriage and he was honest, it's not like he told her this out of the blue when they were discussing something different. A lot of men I'm sure feel this way but just hide this from their partners. If people feel something's missing in life it's easy to think it's their relationship rather than something deeper than that.

@Danielle2500 did he "drift" into marriage? You mention you were together for a whole decade but only married 3 years ago. That was a VERY long time of dating before any commitment. This long term no commitment cohabitation trend often destroys marriages once they happen. It's good you're going for counselling, most couple wait too long before they start it. There's no reason why the marriage can't work if you're both committed to it.

It's the magnitude of those two little words.

If something is missing no amount of counseling is going to fill that void. It's either there or it's not.

I think you need a little bit of time to realize that this is the beginning of the end.

I think he'll leave you dangling until he's ready to go/meets someone else.

@Notmoresugar

It's the magnitude of those two little words.

If something is missing no amount of counseling is going to fill that void. It's either there or it's not.

I think you need a little bit of time to realize that this is the beginning of the end.

I think he'll leave you dangling until he's ready to go/meets someone else.

but couples therapy/counselling can examine the situation and emotions, allowing for exploration of whether the something that is missing is in the marriage or within himself. If it’s discovered that it’s the latter, he can work that out.

@Anniesnap
He dropped the bombshell when they were talking about relationships, so I would deduce from that there is something missing in their relationship/marriage.

[quote Notmoresugar]@Anniesnap
He dropped the bombshell when they were talking about relationships, so I would deduce from that there is something missing in their relationship/marriage.[/quote]
I understand that. He may think that, but it may be more about him and counselling/therapy could clarify that. Surely, it’s worth a try.