New man wants to be teased about his small penis

[peoniesandpoppies]

Have been chatting to what seems like a very nice chap via OND. We've not met but have chatted and texts for 2 weeks.
He sent me some messages that were flirty and quite sexual (not a problem as I was happy to respond) however, he admitted that he has a very, very small penis and enjoys being humiliated and teased about it.
Shall I run for the hills? I totally appreciate that not every man is hung like a donkey but the teasing bit......?!

I was simply saying all the disgust expressed by posters at this man's preferences was uncalled for, and that I think blanket judgement/shaming of other people's desires (specifically desires that cause no harm if they are fulfilled safely and consensually, and that is an important caveat) is very unpleasant.

But I AM disgusted (actually in this instance filled with derision rather than disgust) by this man's preferences, and I AM entitled to think so and to state so. I also think it is more important that women feel that they can be disgusted at what actually disgusts them, and can express that disgust rather than pressurised into being NICE and UNDERSTANDING. Do you understand that being pressurised into being NICE and UNDERSTANDING is actually dangerous for women?

When one partner is a fetishist, everything sexual revolves around that fetish.

I had an ex with a foot fetish, and it was so boring. EVERYTHING was about his obsession with feet.

I walked away when he asked me to suck HIS toes and lick his feet, which stank like death 🤮🤮

@ibizan yes it's tyipcally about transgression of "norms" but 100% absolutely no way do kinks have anything to do with non-consensuality. Consent and boundaries is MASSIVE in the kink community and I would absolutely say way more respected there than in the mainstream patriarchal rape culture that all us "normal" people are part of.

@Haffiana yes of course huge amount of damage is perpetuated by the idea that women have to be accommodating and not hurt men's feelings. This is very dangerous and we see how that plays out in real harm every day - every woman has probably done something she wasn't comfortable with this. However stating clearly and firmly that you are not into something and don't want to take part in it - which is absolutely what we should all do, none of my posts suggested otherwise - is a completely different kettle of fish from ridiculing/shaming the other party for desiring it. "No I'm not into that whatsoever so we are clearly incompatible and let's part ways right now" is completely different to "Good grief what is wrong with you, you are disgusting, fuck off". Why do we need to vilify people?

And, echoing what I said before, women being forced into things they are uncomfortable with is a daily occurrence in mainstream sexual culture and actually far far rarer in the kink community where people are constantly talking about boundaries and consent. Discussion on boundaries and consent and what you're specifically into form part of all early conversations with partners who are getting together for kinky sex - the types of conversations all "normal" people should be having to but actually hardly ever do. Mainstream patriarchal sex culture could learn a massive amount from all the "weirdos!"

I'm not part of the kink community myself, just a regular listener to the Savage Love podcast, which I highly recommend for anyone interested in this thread.

every woman has probably done something she wasn't comfortable with due to this

@DillonPanthersTexas

Many ‘kinks’ and their associated behaviours absolutely should be shamed

Just curious, what kinks should be shamed (assuming they are legal and between consenting adults)?

Probably shitting in someone's mouth, then scooping it out and smearing it all over the walls. I'd shame that, personally.

Kink shaming is my kink

I definitely think there should be more judgement when it comes to men who enjoy hurting women. There's now huge pressure for women to accept choking/slapping/spitting etc as the norm and more and more men trying to use the "sex game gone wrong" defense

Hi I personally would be upset but it's pretty standard stag party behaviour I think

Well that escalated while I was away!

@CallMeNutribullet

I definitely think there should be more judgement when it comes to men who enjoy hurting women. There's now huge pressure for women to accept choking/slapping/spitting etc as the norm and more and more men trying to use the "sex game gone wrong" defense

This.

I was reading an interesting thread on reddit earlier where a woman commented how shocked she was by how many men appear to be really keen to hit a woman. Not in the context of kink or anything else, just their excited response to videos ranging from street fights to domestic abuse. Comments about how much they would love the opportunity to hit a woman.

Now porn culture has made women feel they're abnormal and vanilla for not wanting to be hit and strangled. These men are fucking laughing! 'I always wanted to hit a woman but I knew I'd be in trouble fucking feminazis only now I got a new girlfriend and told her how fun it is to be violent to her while I get off - AND SHE BELIEVED IT, LADS!'

@Haffiana

I was simply saying all the disgust expressed by posters at this man's preferences was uncalled for, and that I think blanket judgement/shaming of other people's desires (specifically desires that cause no harm if they are fulfilled safely and consensually, and that is an important caveat) is very unpleasant.

But I AM disgusted (actually in this instance filled with derision rather than disgust) by this man's preferences, and I AM entitled to think so and to state so. I also think it is more important that women feel that they can be disgusted at what actually disgusts them, and can express that disgust rather than pressurised into being NICE and UNDERSTANDING. Do you understand that being pressurised into being NICE and UNDERSTANDING is actually dangerous for women?

Also this.

I haven’t read every post, but the small penis humiliation thing is common in my experience. I’m 35, in a happy stable marriage but with frequent swinging/permission to play. I also worked as an escort in my earlier adult years.

A lot of men get very turned on by it. My husband is a bit younger than me and I was his first sexual partner, his dick is very small and he knows that he is far smaller than average, he doesn’t want to be teased about it all the time but likes it sometimes.

If you’re a sexually open/liberated person, give it a go, you might like it!

That wouldn't be for me. I wouldn't like humiliation to be part of sex life.

Throw him back in the sea

I didnt see anything to suggest it was consensual in the opening thread.

@MorriseysGladioli

I didnt see anything to suggest it was consensual in the opening thread.

The guy literally told her what he enjoyed in a conversation before they'd met. A good conversation about what both people like and want in bed - so a healthy discussion on consent - would start exactly that way. If more people had

If more people were open about what they liked early on, giving potential partners full info so they can know straight up if they're incompatible or would feel grossed out, or are a really good potential match, then we would all be in a better place. And more widely if we all talked openly with our partners/potential partners about our sexual desires and preferences, stuff we are and aren't comfortable with, we would all have better and more respectful sex.

@Ibizan

The guy literally told her what he enjoyed in a conversation before they'd met. A good conversation about what both people like and want in bed - so a healthy discussion on consent - would start exactly that way. If more people had

Did OP say she consented or that he just went started this without any prequel?

You can't consent to something without knowing what it is! I guess he could babe asked her if she consented to a discussion about sex.

if you are a sexually open, liberated person, give it a go, you might like it

So patronising!

I honestly think almost every adult would know instinctively if they'll find it a turn on or not mocking the size of a man's dick. Without needing to try it first.

He sent me some messages that were flirty and quite sexual (not a problem as I was happy to respond)

Op was happy with the direction the chatting was going. I don't think you can say she wasn't open to hearing about his fetish.

I am actually glad we are able to discuss and express our disgust for all this kink shit.
It’s so far removed from mutual pleasure and satisfaction that a revulsion to it speaks of our humanity and connection to boundaries IMO.

I can't think of anything worse in a partner.

No my cup of tea at all. I wouldn't engage. But what would YOU be comfortable with.

As long and two partners are compatible, and into the same things, that's fine. If one is not 100% comfortably- it is never okay