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Original poster

DP sleeping around. Livid.

148 replies

cheatinglyingb · 20/08/2021 21:19

I knew something was not right, just had a suspicion, so I checked DP's phone.

He has been messaging a woman he met 3 years ago since January this year. He initiated contact to get back in touch. Since February, he has been seeing her twice a month it seems when I am at work. We don't live together. They send each other crude messages about sex and about him 'filling' her up. They are not using condoms and she had a pregnancy scare from what I can see from the messages.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 21/08/2021 07:03

Well, you have two things on your side here.

Firstly, you don’t live together, so getting rid of him is easy.

Secondly, you don’t have children, so once you’re rid you need never see or speak to him again.

And FWIW, never ttc with someone you don’t even live with. If you’re not committed enough to live together then having a baby is a spectacularly bad idea, esp given you will be at home with the baby and he won’t be.

I’m not talking so much about accidental pregnancy, but actively ttc, never ever go there until you’re sharing an address.

Window1 · 21/08/2021 07:15

@cheatinglyingb

I have ordered an STI kit. He told me he did a test and she did too before they stopped using protection. I am so angry with him how could he do this
Why did they stop using protection?

If he thought you were going to leave and so he started looking elsewhere, why didn't he just end it?

Why is he placing the blame on you rather than taking responsibility for his own actions?

Why was he trying to conceive a baby with you in the middle of all this.

You'll never trust him again. Cut yourself free from this shit show.

SpeakingFranglais · 21/08/2021 07:25

I am genuinely sorry this has happened to you but I can’t get my head around what people think it’s ok to TTC without a stable, joint home and finances in place first, and even worse what person is trying to do it twice with two different women?

It’s insanity.

Starcar · 21/08/2021 07:28

It’s horrible he did this.

If it’s true you were always threatening to leave then then it really is for the best that the ttc has not been successful yet and that you don’t live together. Hope you are able to move on swiftly from this.

Damnyoureyes · 21/08/2021 07:32

So OP, I’m curios, what are you going to do?
(Other than check that he hasn’t given you a disease)

Hunkahunkaa · 21/08/2021 07:33

GET RID!!!!
what a bastard!

cittigirl · 21/08/2021 07:36

Omg OP. I'm so sorry. What a complete a&sehole he is. Do you think the OW knows about you? I would be inclined to tell her, then walk away...well in MN style run for the hills. You poor thing ☹

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 21/08/2021 07:44

@cheatinglyingb

We are only in our 30s, I can't believe this is happening to us
I'm sorry 💐

This is NOT 'happening to us' he is doing this. He is choosing to have sex & make plans with another woman

I know it's hard to accept, and I know it hurts, but the best thing you can do is to tell him to go do as he pleases because you're no longer an option for him.

It's easy to make excuses fir him, it's easy to blame her, it's easy to say to forgive him, it's easy to 'put it behind you' blah blah but it's NOT easy to forget & you won't feel good & you won't trust him/ you're just pulling the plaster off slowly.

Pull it off quickly and move forward. Don't spend too long licking your wounds, thinking about what should have been - it's too easy to waste too much of your life doing that!

I know of what I speak - unfortunately! Let my words help you not make the same mistake x

snzow · 21/08/2021 07:49

@cheatinglyingb

I haven't slept all night I am so angry.

Not only was he having sex with her, they were also talking about living together. He was lining everything up for an easy transition.

FFS why would a guy be TTC with one woman will planning to leave and move in with another!

I thought your first post was bad but that's a whole other level of Dickhead-ness

Polkabott · 21/08/2021 07:50

@cheatinglyingb

We are only in our 30s, I can't believe this is happening to us
It's not, it's happening to you. He made an active an ongoing set of decisions to form what is essentially, a sexual and emotional relationship with someone else, so it isn't happening to him, he chose it. To try and blame it on being lonely is grim as well, if you stay with him then sadly more fool you.
GoWalkabout · 21/08/2021 07:55

I'm sorry for what a shit he has been. It does not sound like you are ready to allow yourself to feel angry with him. I guess you have been focused on ttc and that must be a huge sadness to you to think of stopping that. But roll forward to your future with him, co parenting with a cheating lying bastard. He's not good dad material is he. I'm so so sorry you have been treated like this. It's not 'happening to us', 'he's done it to you'.

EmKayEm · 21/08/2021 07:56

Get rid get rid get rid.
He has been unbelievably disrespectful to you and to her, you deserve better than whatever he claims to offer.

GoodMorrowFairMaiden · 21/08/2021 07:56

Get rid of him. People like him never change despite all their promises. You’ll always be driving him to cheat because of one reason or another.

Esspee · 21/08/2021 07:58

I do hope you will now swiftly move on. Don’t even discuss the matter, just exchange your belongings and block from your life.

Summerfun54321 · 21/08/2021 08:01

Who has unprotected sex with 2 different people at once!? 🤮🤮🤮 This man is utter filth, you are well and truely rid.

Cottonheadedninymuggins · 21/08/2021 08:06

Have you asked him why he allegedly had an std check with her before they stopped using condoms? It's clearly bullshit. If it was only because (in his terms) he was lonely and wanted 'company' (again. Bullshit) why start using condoms with a 'friend' only to stop when he's trying to make a baby with someone else?

It's obvious that they never used them in the first place and he's reckless with his own health, hers and most importantly yours, the unknowing party.

Leave him lovely, you're worth a million of him. Thank god you realised before any real ties and drawn out court proceedings as going by his victim blaming he'd not make anything easy and refuse to believe he was at fault.

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 21/08/2021 08:07

OP, it is not 'happening to us'. You bear the entire brunt of this. He thought he was the big man, with two women at his disposal. Use your anger and make a clean break today. The longer you stay and talk and he makes empty promises, the easier it is to slip back into it but you can never trust him again, slimy git. And you will feel like you can hold your head high afterwards. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ;)

MrsIsobelCrawley · 21/08/2021 08:09

It sounds like you could have a very lucky escape.

I hope the STI is clear.

AtrociousCircumstance · 21/08/2021 08:10

You aren’t considering staying with him are you?

Doomscrolling · 21/08/2021 08:12

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Get yourself dressed and leave, taking whatever you have at his place. You need time to process this away from him.

It’s horrible right now, but in time you’ll see this as a lucky escape.

rothbury · 21/08/2021 08:15

Disgusting pig.

Just block him and move on Flowers

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 21/08/2021 08:20

It's not "happening to us"
Like it's some sort of natural disaster.

It's what he chose to do. Again. And again. And again.

He chose to fuck around. He chose to lie to you God knows how many times. He chose all of this. It wasn't a mistake. It wasn't an accident. Just think how many decisions he made day in day out that betrayed you.

He's not your 'dp'. He's not a victim. He's not unintentially fallen balls deep into another woman and planned to leave you for her.

You just weren't supposed to find out. 🤷‍♀️

SmileyClare · 21/08/2021 08:24

They stopped using protection and then she had a pregnancy scare

It's hardly a "scare". if you plan to have unprotected sex, then you plan to have a baby. That is the consequence.

It's pretty clear that she wanted to get pregnant and move in together. I assume she didn't know about you.
It's pretty clear that he treats all women like shit and will lie through his teeth to get sex,.

Rosieandjim04 · 21/08/2021 08:34

I had a casual relationship with a bloke like that Envy he would shag anything that moved and would lie to get it , it later turned out he was using sex workers as well I wouldn't be surprised if yours was as well . I enjoyed his company and the sex but I knew he couldn't be faithful.

SmileyClare · 21/08/2021 08:36

he's reckless with his own health, hers and most importantly, yours It's more galling to read how reckless and irresponsible his attitude to creating children is.

Does he have dc from previous relationships Op?

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