DP sleeping around. Livid.

[cheatinglyingb]

I knew something was not right, just had a suspicion, so I checked DP's phone.

He has been messaging a woman he met 3 years ago since January this year. He initiated contact to get back in touch. Since February, he has been seeing her twice a month it seems when I am at work. We don't live together. They send each other crude messages about sex and about him 'filling' her up. They are not using condoms and she had a pregnancy scare from what I can see from the messages.

Once a cheat always a cheat. He's sorry he got caught, not for actually disrespecting you and your relationship. He's a sleaze.

If there are any personal belongings of his in your home, bag them and throw them out.

Please leave him!!!
You haven't had a child with him, you have no ties with him.
Leave while you can or else you'll live with trust issues for the rest of your life!!!!!

I am so sorry you're going through this. What a scumbag. Don't for a second believe him when he says it's on you, it was his choice and his choice alone and the blame is solely on him. I hope you find someone that makes you happy and treats you like you deserve. It's better to have found about before you had a child with him. X

"He felt lonely" that's not an excuse my love. If he truly felt lonely, would he be texting about sex? Instead of texting about his feelings etc.
Please trust me when I say, put yourself first my love
Your heart is going to be broken by him, so pull yourself together and leave him. It's going to hurt for a long time, but you do not need to be treated like convenience. I am sorry to say but he does not have feelings for you or else he would have not treated you this way,
One day you will realize you are finally over him and it will be wonderful - but until that happens you need to treat yourself well, put yourself first and be strong.

Making this choice now will save you a much greater hurt later, I wish I did.

Get yourself tested.

Put this piece of shit in the bin.

Thank fuck you are not pregnant by it.

There is so much better out there for you and your future child/ren. They don't need a shitty dad like that.

So so sorry! What a complete bastard.

Finish, block and STI test.

You deserve so much better 💐

@cheatinglyingb

I have ordered an STI kit. He told me he did a test and she did too before they stopped using protection. I am so angry with him how could he do this

So sorry Op

Them both deciding to stop using contraception and taking STI tests makes it sound so planned and calculated.
It suggests forward planning and that they seen it as a long term thing rather than a few quickies.

Also why would they stop using protection if they're not ttc?

You said earlier that you & him were TTC. But then he says you were always threatening to leave? Why would you be planning a baby with a man that behaves like this? Especially if you don't live together there will be sides to him you've not seen yet

Thank god you saw his true colours before you conceived a child!! And brought them in to this shit show of a relationship.

He is gas lighting you with his crappy reasoning. There is no reason good enough to excuse this and you will be so much better off without him.
Waste no time in deleting him from your life and moving on. Brighter things ahead for you!!

Sounds like the situation I was in. I was the other woman.
It hurts like hell that we have been lied to and cheated on for such a long time.
I had a pregnancy scare.
He was with her for over a year, I found out, told her and I’ve blocked him, and she is still with him despite everything I said and he even admitted it. He is a narcissist.
He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness.
He is not a nice or decent man.
Please get support from your friends.
You deserve so much better than this xxx

As if they did tests. Someone fucking around on the partner they’re TTC with isn’t that responsible. He will say anything. Get rid. Immediately.

Trust me when I say this - get rid.
I know you will feel conflicted because even though he’s done this, you will still have feelings for the man you thought he was.
Don’t compete, do not fight for him, cut him off.
I’m speaking from experience, and unfortunately I did compete, and like your partner, mine also blamed me for his indiscretions. I’ve since learnt that this is classic cheaters behaviour- shift the blame on the person whose heart they’ve ripped apart.
Truth is there is no excuse or reason or any circumstance that can justify their behaviour and out right disrespect.
You deserve and you are worth more- leave him and his side piece to it. But I’m sorry you’re going through this.
The next few days are going to be hard- but just put one foot in front of the other and take each day as it comes.

What a snake. So he’s been lying for the past seven months. Get rid and move on.

Beware of the man with no friends. It's a pretty good indicator that he's an inadequate human being (or just an arsehole).

Remember this could have been a whole lot worse... Kiss the ground and thank your lucky stars that you didn't get pregnant with him.

You're worth much more than that - dump his sorry arse! Move on, you'll find someone worthy of you, that prat isn't!

Don't bloody forgive him OP whatever you do. All that will show him is that he can cheat and be forgiven after he's turned on the water works. Men like this NEVER change. You have dodged a bullet by not getting pregnant by him! Move on and find someone who will treat you with respect and would never dream of cheating

Ah, my first LTB..

So sorry op. The fact that he cheated is awful, the fact that they actively chose to stop using protection is disgusting, and that he did all this while you were ttc is despicable. Please do not let this man disrespect you any more than he already has. It will feel awful for a while but that will pass and you will find someone who deserves to be with you and create a family with you.

LTB.

There's a process men like this go through:

Denies and tries to have sex with you to reassure you
Denies and gets annoyed if you don't believe him
Denies and says you're insane
(Faced with proof) Says there's a computer/phone virus
Begrudgingly admits to some but not all
Cries
Says it was your fault
Says he's sorry, the other person meant nothing, it wasn't his fault
Says again it was your fault it happened
Says you are too strong - you made them feel weak
Blames the other woman for provoking him
Says he hates her - sends her a horrible text while you watch
Cries again
Secretly sends her another text saying he didn't mean it
Denies
Says his computer/phone has another virus
Blames the other woman for replying to the message
Cries
Threatens suicide
Blames you
Leaves, threatening suicide and simultaneously wanting 50:50 with children
Finds someone else within hours
Refuses to "babysit" or pay any maintenance

Ugh. He is a twat. Am going to look for 'the script' for you.

I am sorry, it hurts like hell but please LTB

Whoa @HollowTalk - nailed it ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Imagine you a advising a daughter or sister OP.
Being lonely is the most BS excuse of all. So are you aren't you.
You don't live together but you're ttc - bad move OP, you don't know the real him.
F him off.
Go make a beautiful family with a real man who isn't a selfish crude prick.

Thank you, @NoProblem123!

You're getting my first ever LTB. There's nothing good for you in that relationship,

Of course he's blaming you - he's an absolute toss pot. Walk away with your head held high. You deserve better.