Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP sleeping around. Livid.

148 replies

cheatinglyingb · 20/08/2021 21:19

I knew something was not right, just had a suspicion, so I checked DP's phone.

He has been messaging a woman he met 3 years ago since January this year. He initiated contact to get back in touch. Since February, he has been seeing her twice a month it seems when I am at work. We don't live together. They send each other crude messages about sex and about him 'filling' her up. They are not using condoms and she had a pregnancy scare from what I can see from the messages.

OP posts:
frerecoler · 20/08/2021 23:19

Here you go! Read this...

Midlife crisis: this is the script! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1527705-Midlife-crisis-this-is-the-script

NessieMcNessface · 20/08/2021 23:20

Stay calm and get rid. Of course he’s blaming you, that shows that his low behaviour knows no depths. Be dignified and assertive, you won’t look back; you will have dodged a bullet.

Holiday124 · 20/08/2021 23:26

@cheatinglyingb

I have ordered an STI kit. He told me he did a test and she did too before they stopped using protection. I am so angry with him how could he do this
They never used protection
Shazzledazzle9 · 20/08/2021 23:28

Just thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him. You deserve better. Out. Out.. Kick him out.

ParentingDilemmas · 20/08/2021 23:29

TTC with you and with her it appears…

MadeForThis · 20/08/2021 23:36

Stop listening to his bullshit. It's all lies. Block and move on.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 20/08/2021 23:45

Jeezo, bang on @HollowTalk. I'm going through something slightly similar and I've ticked off about half your list with the bs that he's come out with! I take it you've been on the receiving end of this shit as well and now know the script?

MushMonster · 20/08/2021 23:50

Dodged a canon ball there OP!
He is an arse, well.. much worst than that. Not sure I have a word bad enough.
And he dares to blame you!
And all this while you were trying to concieve!
Chuck him out. And if you are married or share any financials, please take him to the laundry. Just because he deserves it.

Chloemol · 21/08/2021 00:17

Typical abusive behaviour putting it back on you rather than him taking responsibility.

He has done it once, he will do it again.

Dump him, get a Sti check and move on

QueenBee52 · 21/08/2021 04:54

He is blaming me and saying I was always threatening to leave, so he started looking

of course he blamed you ... he's not going to blame himself, that involves accountability which he lacks...

He told me he did a test and she did too before they stopped using protection. I am so angry with him how could he do this

So he was more concerned about Her sexual health than yours despite you both TTC ... Im sorry but you don't sound angry enough yet...

none of this is your fault.. He is a dirty rat that can't keep it in his pants even whilst trying to conceive a child with the woman he's meant to love...

kick him to the kerb.. and thank your lucky stars you found our before conceiving 🌸

ClaryFairchild · 21/08/2021 05:02

Oh the poor little diddums. He felt lonely. Guess he will really know what lonely feels like now that he's blown up his life with you.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 21/08/2021 05:13

You'll be a fool to stay with him.

SamiReed1 · 21/08/2021 05:43

@cheatinglyingb

He is blaming me and saying I was always threatening to leave, so he started looking
He is begging you to stay yet is blaming YOU? Wow, he has a nerve doesn't he? None of this is your fault. He could have left, THEN started to look.

He's not taking responsibility and is blaming you for his action. I'd tell him why should you take him back when it won't take any responsibility and is blaming you, it shows he hasn't learned and is NOT REMORSEFUL.

Notimefor · 21/08/2021 06:10

Leave him … you will feel better

Leibham · 21/08/2021 06:15

As pp have pointed out, unforgivable that he’s willing to risk your health by having unprotected sex.

Don’t be soft, get him out. You’ve dodged a bullet.

Bluetrews25 · 21/08/2021 06:18

How do you know when he's lying to you, OP?

He's got his mouth open.

You deserve better Flowers

FreeBritnee · 21/08/2021 06:21

Fucking hell! He was having unprotected sex with another woman whilst TTC with you? That’s low 🤢

Blueskytoday06 · 21/08/2021 06:23

Of course they both took STI checks 🙄 he really does think you are stoopid.

Once the shock's worn off (hopefully soon), you'll do what you need to. Don't let him worm his way back in by blaming you.

If he was unhappy at any point (you say he justified it by saying you threatened to leave which BTW if you did, you had good reason to?), he could have ended the relationship. 🤷‍♀️

GalaxyGirl24 · 21/08/2021 06:23

He is disgusting and I'm sorry you've had this shock and heartbreak while you were TTC. You need to get rid of him and not let him weasel his way out of this. He would make a horrific parent if this is how he treats his family before it's even been created. Stay strong 💐

twinningatlife · 21/08/2021 06:23

Why would you TTC with someone you aren't in a stable enough relationship to even live with first??

Original poster
cheatinglyingb · 21/08/2021 06:30

I haven't slept all night I am so angry.

Not only was he having sex with her, they were also talking about living together. He was lining everything up for an easy transition.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheatinglyingb · 21/08/2021 06:33

We didn't live together because at the start of the pandemic I had to move to a different town for a specific piece of work (in the medical field). We had always intended to move in together summer 2020, but that could no longer happen. Instead, I stay at his 4 days a week on the days I do not need to be on site.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheatinglyingb · 21/08/2021 06:34

We are only in our 30s, I can't believe this is happening to us

OP posts:
WhatdoIsaytothem · 21/08/2021 06:45

I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s the shock and disbelief that somebody you trusted could do this to you.
You need time to grieve for this relationship and to put yourself first.
You will recover and come out strainger eventually. Just need to plod through the heartache and sad bit first.
You have done nothing wrong, you just believed a man you loved.
I’m here for you if you need to talk.
Good luck :)

sallievp · 21/08/2021 06:45

Hold your head up high and dump his pathetic cheating ass! You deserve better.