Can anyone help me understand what my partners thought process is on this please

[Flia42]

I’ll try and explain this as best I can. I am fully awaiting the ‘man child’ ‘sulky’ responses..but all joking aside there is genuinely something not right..

So at the weekend partner and I were going to make a recipe. We woke on Saturday and the convo went like this..

Him: ‘can we make xxx’
Me: ‘we can but we’re short on (ingredient) and will need to go and get some more’
Him: ‘oh ok’

He stand there and looks really fed up. I wasn’t overly concerned as he’s acted like this before but this as far as I’ve known him is a minor thing to get ??? over.
So I look at him and ask him if he’s ok..he reply’s yes but I’m a clearly disappointed tone.
I say ‘are you upset because we haven’t got the right ingredients? He replied yes.

I explained to him, like I would have to do to a young child that all we needed was to go to the shop, get the thing and then we could make. As soon as I’d spelt that out on those simple terms he seemed fine.

Now honestly, that’s not right for a 45 yr old man is it?! What is it?? What makes him become so internally disappointed that I have to try and make him understand what the (to me) simple plan is?!

It’s driving me mad?? Anyone I’d love to try and help him

[quote Flia42]@user1471538283 no it’s bizarre. It can also result in me asking and him sulking after the event..guess what’s happening. Suddenly he was too tired to come over. This means I wouldn’t see him now for 2 weeks. For anyone thinking I’m being unfair trust me I know this pattern. So as much as he agreed he was immature and was ok about it on the phone it’s a quick agreement to save any arguments and then this. So far 2 days of silence.[/quote]
Why are you with him?

OP when he does this do you generally try and talk him round? Call his bluff, just don’t call him. The. When he does try and crawl back in 2 weeks or whatever just say you assumed by his lack of contact he’d moved on and so have you!

Seriously you've had two days of silence over this?

He's not old enough to be in a relationship. Yes, you knew you'd get the manchild comments because that's what it is.

Help him? Stop pandering to it and thinking he needs your help with it - if he needs help it's from a therapist. What he needs is a boot up the backside and quick hard dumping.

Did you go to the shop and get the ingredient and make the thing?

He wanted turkey dinosaurs with smiley faces, didn't he, and you'd run out of the smiley faces.

Who can blame him for stamping his little feetsies.

Thanks for the replies.
I know it’s childish.
Did I pander to him in the past no..did I try and understand and let it go to an extent..yes
Do I now? No. I cannot believe he’s actually behaving like this again. I haven’t messaged him and don’t plan on doing so. I’ve learnt from this I can assure you. Very upsetting and disappointing he can treat me like this after all this time.

Sulking is a total fanny drier. Let him sulk and block his manchild arse. You deserve more.

How it’s goes is..
The weekends behaviour..
I ask him about it and he agrees he’s immature, apologises and appears ok
Then he does this. Admittedly he’s not done it lots but I swore the next time he treated me like this I was done. Messaging me thinking I’m stupid telling me he loves me yet it’s clear he’s punishing me for mentioning and pulling up a negative that he caused at the weekend??
I’m very upset but know this is for the best

So he is messaging you? Or is it silence?

Is he entirely well?

At the moment I very frequently speak to my husband as if he were a five year old. It is very sad but it is what he needs from me - he has had a stroke and lost a great deal of his mental capacity. He has the understanding of a 4 to 5 year old but isn't able to learn much.

Is there something slowly developing with your husband? My husband had the very beginnings of early dementia when he had his stroke and I knew he was unwell but couldn't persuade him to see a doctor.

@CheeseyMcCheeseface nothing since he cancelled on Friday. Admittedly he was the last to message and I haven’t replied but I know he’s sulking and I’m still fuming and upset he’s doing this.

@FlipFlops4Me he’s not unwell. He’s just childish and I’ve let him be like this unfortunately. He is a lovely guy a lot of the time. This is a big deal though and mentally not good for me.
I’m sorry to hear about your husband, that must be tough

Wtf that escalated! He’s genuinely sulking because you pulled him up on some odd childish behaviour
Wtf was if you were going to make

He sounds like hard work.

What was the missing ingredient?

But this is it, it’s like walking on eggshells and it’s not fair?!
What’s difficult also is when I speak to him and he appears fine but then does this..clearly he’s not fine?!
The ingredient was actually for a body product not food, not that, that matters, it’s his reaction over it I thought odd.

Just read yr updates. I think yr DP just assumed you would source the missing ingredient , in readiness for planned baking/ body product? Did you ask them/him to sort it?

You have been together 5 yrs and you are now arguing about this? He is 45. When i was 45 ( i am 50 now) i would not involve myself in this drama at all.

I suspect he cannot be doing with all the drama, hence his silence. You do not seem particularly suited. You have different expectations.

"Is he entirely well"?

Well he seems to have been well for the last 5 yrs. If he has now chosen to be NC with the OP , that suggests he is very well and making his own choices about this relationship.

If he has gone NC with you Op, i would leave it there. Perhaps he feels your relationship no longer has a future. Perhaps he feels you are no longer suited.

Walking on eggshells? Why are you walking on eggshells? Why are you allowing this for yourself? So, after 5 yrs he suddenly has an ingredient thing and gone NC with you. Why are even you even wasting your time on this?

He has gone NC with you, move on and rebuild your life.

@girl71

What was the missing ingredient?

Maturity

The ingredient was actually for a body product not food, not that, that matters,

Hmmm.... makes me think it wasn't a recipe you were planning on making but maybe something more intimate....

@Blindleadingtheblind that’s what I’m thinking too, is he sulking because he didn’t get his ‘dessert’.

Page 1 of the thread before someone suggested ASD.

My child has been in special schools for 10 years and will probably never life independently but he knows you pop to a shop to buy ingredients.

WHY do posters keep typing ASD as a solution to everything?

@girl71 he’s done this before. This is just the oddest thing to get sulky about though.
I am 99% sure he’s fine with our relationship ..why wouldn’t he be, he behaves like this and I get ignored l, sort it and on it goes. Not this time though.
No the recipe wasn’t anything sexual!
I honestly think he has an idea in his head and when it doesn’t go to plan he has an internal meltdown / sulk and I’m left wondering why?!

@Hen2018 I wrote that. My dc has asd, will pop to the shops but will nevertheless always struggle with many aspects of life, including sudden change. Eg could get upset if plans changed, so that a dish couldn’t be cooked immediately.

What fecking body product did you not have the full ingredients to make?!

"@Flia42 I am 99% sure he’s fine with our relationship ..why wouldn’t he be".

He has gone NC with you ?