Bastard bingo - full house!!

[helplesshopeless]

Hi everyone, just creating a new thread for those interested as my second is nearly full now! I'll link back to the old one once mumsnet's browser is back up and running

Please try and take DD’s passport with you.

I wouldn't risk him having access to her passport. You think you know what he's capable of but then he goes and surprises you with a new low every week. It's just not worth it to risk it. Take it and put it in a safe deposit box.

Anyway, one of you gas to have it, why should it be him?
WRT "he would never do this, or never do that"..., why risk it ?
HE IS GOING TO PUNISH/HURTYOU IN ANY WAY HE CAN.
you defied him... he hates you.. he is livid.
There is NO way you can know what he has planned, & assuming he wont keep DD as OM is interfering with her, is already brewing in his twisted mind.
My opinion is, he refuses to return her when it suits him..., you need to wise up

I would take the passport. I would lose his while I was at it.

I did take the passport at one point but he made me bring it back - his argument was that we all still live there so there's no reason to keep it elsewhere, and why remove it from where it's safely held. I think it's likely he'll keep the passport to be honest, he'll accuse me of being up to something if I take it.

I'm/we're telling my daughter this afternoon ... 😫😫😫

Good luck HH. I know you are dreading it.

As for the passport so what if he accuses you of being up to something? You aren't, and he could definitely use it. All through your thread, from the start he's done the very things you said he never would. Unfortunately I think others are right, he is going to play games with the times he has your daughter to threaten and torture you. You will have to play hard ball if that happens. But at least you will be out of there soon.

Remember, he can't make you do anything and you don't have to pander to him or obey him any longer. All best wishes and virtual support for getting through today.

Good luck for today dear HH, I am so very relieved to hear that you are out of the house, I know that won't stop his awful behaviour but at least you and DD will be away from it some of the time.

Re DD's passport, if you report it "lost" then you will be able to get another one for you to keep safely...and the original one will not be valid should he try to do something stupid. Well worth considering.

Good luck for today.
And try to remember, he can't make you do anything.

i hope today went without majot crisis.
I hope you held strong & didnt cave.
I expect H cried , & upset Dd, of course its all about Him & always has been

"Major"

Order a new one to your new address - for the passport that is. Report it lost.

Well, that was awful 💔 I was planning on telling her just as a casual moment while she was in the bath and told him so he could be there too, but he kept huffing and puffing while I was trying to find the right moment and then storming off just as I was about to work up the courage!

Anyway, I told her and she immediately said she wanted to stay with me. I explained she'd live in both houses and she was then crying and clinging to me, and asked if daddy knew about our new house 💔 he said nothing helpful at all, just glowered over me. I feel like the most awful most selfish person in the world right now.

She seems to have bounced back now but not sure how much she's actually taken in. Will be taking her round there for lunch tomorrow so will see how that goes...

She'll be ok, don't be surprised if further down the line she is upset/need to process it/realises it's forever. All completely normal

Urgh I just feel heartbroken for her. I don't know how people manage this!!

It was just the initial reaction, thousands of children come from broken homes and grow up to be well rounded adults.

Honestly, this is better now than forcing her to watch a long drawn out disintegration of her parents relationship over her entire child hood. Trust me, I was that child and it damaged me far more than if my parents had split when I was her age.
You are focusing on her needs ( unlike her father!) she will be ok. You will be ok. It’s hard, but you will get through this!

Urgh, he's just come to me and said he's submitted her school application. He won't tell me what's on it or let me see it.

I told him last week he could not do this without me and he must show it to me before submitting. He's now saying that we 'verbally agreed yesterday' the contents and he's submitted on that basis (obviously lies.)

Can I do anything?! I have literally no idea what he's put on it. I can assume the first option but no clue for the others.

I also don't know what he would have put about where she is living and who with/agreed arrangements and what difference that makes.

Urgh he's such an enormous knob

Submit your own application, OP. Don’t let him bully you.

Submit your own application, OP. Don’t let him bully you

This in spades

@KittyKattyKate

Submit your own application, OP. Don’t let him bully you.

Wouldn't that just confuse things if they receive two applications? Also I'd need to apply under our current address as I won't move back into the catchment area until feb/March when I get my new house...

Yes you can go to court over school application. I would speak to admissions now and make them aware of the situation urgently. Ask them for a copy, not sure they can say no under GDPR as you also have parental responsibility and are primary carer.

Has he actually done it?

Or is this like when he "filed for divorce" before?

Talk to admissions OP. Sadly it's nothing they won't have heard before.

He's now saying he wants to just send her straight to a private school rather than our lovely local primary and that he'll find a way to pay for it 🙄