@helplesshopeless
Well it appears he was just messing me re the application. I emailed him saying he must send me a copy or I would contact admissions. He emailed back saying 'I haven't submitted any applications, I thought we agreed we would discuss and do that together? I don't know why you're getting so confused, maybe you're feeling tired?'
@tiramisualwaystiramisu yes also England so I guess that is our answer once and for all! I didn't realise they weren't open yet but I hadn't thought about making the application quite yet so am a bit clueless.
I'm in the bad books with him tonight - took my daughter to the rental today and she loved it - she was really keen to stay overnight tonight as she wanted to write a letter to post through the fairy door and see if they replied overnight. So I said yes (in the knowledge that I'd be punished for not obtaining permission first from him!) because he was away tonight anyway so I wouldn't be keeping her from him so didn't see that he could reasonably object. Emailed him out of courtesy to let him know we weren't at home and that she was enjoying being here and got a load of berating emails back about how we'd expressly agreed she wouldn't stay over on the first visit (we hadn't agreed that, but it hadn't occurred to me she'd be begging to stay over and so I hadn't floated it as a possibility), I'm always disregarding his views, I have an overinflated view of my own importance and parenting skills, blah blah blah. He ended the email with
"You do not change the agreed plans without DISCUSSING with me first. You do not 'FYI' me on anything to do with DD's care. How rude and arrogant you are."
URGH!!
You don't need to inform him of every move or decision you make. Nothing you do is going to make him feel well disposed to you, and that is something you now need to be bearing in mind.
He is acting as though he is in charge. He's just grabbing hold of the steering wheel and jerking it any way he pleases. BUT you are not his passenger with no will or choice of the direction you're going, you are NOT EVEN IN THE CAR!
You are free and you have autonomy.
Just get on with your own plans for you and dd, and don't feel obliged to keep listening to his nonsense, let alone keeping him informed of details out of an attempt to 'be good' because that won't serve you well.
It's so lovely that dd is excited about her new home. But he doesn't want that. He doesn't understand that YOU are her home, he thinks he has the advantage because you're the one 'leaving home'. He thinks because he's still going to be in the house that she grew up in, that dd will think of it as her real home.
But, especially after his recent alarming behaviour, YOU are the parent she trusts and feels safe with, you = home, doesn't matter where it is. But a fairy door helps obviously 