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Relationships

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Original poster

Just found out he has agreed to joint life insurance with ex

150 replies

easterdaffsx · 11/08/2021 00:14

Omg I am just so so gutted .
Moved on with dp 2 years ago .
When we joined back accounts I noticed dhe was still paying a dd to a joint life insurance with his ex fiancé .
Asked him to please sort ( we've been together almost 5 years and I believed he just hadn't gotten around to sorting ) and then the problem was he needed her consent to terminate because they'd been separated over 12 months and it was joint .
Long story short they spoke and she asked if she could take over the policy but he didn't share that with me even though he knew I was fairly upset and wanted it cancelled regardless .
Then the solicitor clearly states that if this happens in the event of either party dying the insurance goes to the surviving party .
In the email I have seen he has agreed to this .
So basically I was never to know .

Shit .... I thought he might have feelings for her still and she's married now .
Feel like my entire world just fell apart .
Please is there any way I'm overthinking this ?

OP posts:

Sadiecow · 13/08/2021 07:50

@easterdaffsx

I'm upset because if my partner dies a large sum of money shall be paid to a person he was in a relationship with years ago . What part of that should I be okay with ? They have no children and no joint responsibilities .

But if you're not paying for it, what does it mater?

Take out your own joint life policy?

Sadiecow · 13/08/2021 07:52

@easterdaffsx the excuse for not doing a will is ridiculous, you'd find time if you wanted.

burnoutbabe · 13/08/2021 08:04

@PegasusReturns

It’s probably financially more sensible to keep it going.

In all likelihood it won’t have a split clause so the Ex would have to cancel. If the policy was taken out ten years ago at cost of £50 pcm it’d probably cost £80 pcm for the same cover. It’s cheaper and financially beneficial to her to pay lower premiums a d gave the advantage of a windfall if DP dies.

Insurance isn’t finite. He can additional insurance if that’s something you would both like

But as far as we can see she doesn't get any benefit. Yes it may be cheaper than doing it now but she only gets money if he ex dies but at that point suffers no loss. Her partner gets noting if she dies.

If it's really life insurance only it makes zero sense to keep it going.

Sadiecow · 13/08/2021 10:23

*But as far as we can see she doesn't get any benefit. Yes it may be cheaper than doing it now but she only gets money if he ex dies but at that point suffers no loss.
Her partner gets noting if she dies.

If it's really life insurance only it makes zero sense to keep it going.*

I would assume it's been arranged that the money will go into trust for another beneficiary.

Todaytomorrowyesterday · 13/08/2021 10:29

I find a bit bizarre if they don’t have children? I have a friend who has a child with there ex and they do have a joint life insurance that she pays for and it goes into trust for their daughter if either of them passes away. His new partner did kick up a fuss, but they don’t have any children and very unlikely to have a child in the future. He explained to his new partner it’s a bit earlier to talk about joint life insurance between them!! Now they engaged he has sorted it a policy. At the end of the day he isn’t paying for the other one!

PegasusReturns · 13/08/2021 11:56

@burnoutbabe it’s a joint policy so her life is also insured. I suspect that is what the ex is trying to achieve. It may be that either the policy pays off the mortgage on her current property or she has assigned the benefit of her part of the policy to her new partner/child.

Kithic · 13/08/2021 16:09

@easterdaffsx

Vincent his ex has taken over the payments and the direct debit completely .... it's just been raised by the solicitor that payment would be made to the surviving party .

He's not paying it now though is he? She's paying it all. You dont need to get involved/worried about it.

It has nothing to do with you - obviously its a bit odd, but you want life insurance on him, knock yourself out and pay for some.

PositiveLife · 13/08/2021 19:16

I think you're over-reacting. It's not like he's agreed to take out a new policy with her, it's an existing policy that she is now paying for. Presumably it's just cheaper for her than starting a new policy.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/08/2021 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 13/08/2021 22:23

I’m confused…but then I’ve had two gin and tonics. Sorry this is bothering you @easterdaffsx

StrawberryPuff · 13/08/2021 22:39

STBXH and I are going to keep existing policy going as premiums were fixed when we were younger and it would be much more expensive per month to take out a new one now.

To be fair if either of us remarried we’d rethink it.

SarahDarah · 13/08/2021 22:44

@easterdaffsx

@easterdaffsx but you have no kids with him, nor is he legally committed to you (i.e. married). You're just a girlfriend and you both could break up tomorrow. Your kids belong to another man so very legitimately he wouldn't have anything to do with them if the relationship ended.

It's interesting that she was actually his fiancé and he felt strong enough about her at one point to propose marriage. To be honest I would break up with him. He doesn't sound invested enough in you as as someone he confidently sees spend the rest of his life with and surely you deserve more than that.

Original poster

easterdaffsx · 13/08/2021 23:37

Thank you everyone for all your feedback and apologies for being offline but work has been a challenge .
Some really helpful advice and I'm now feeling a lot less anxious so thank you again .

For those of you that commented about my own insurance I have 4 children and a great relationship with their father whom I was married to for 27 years . I am very assured re provision for my dc and wasn't aware that was up for discussion . My life insurance is and always will be a priority for my dc
As for the last response regarding the fact hat my dp has a previous fiancé amd therefore can't be invested in me please consider how hurtful your comment was . This is not something I would share with anyone in rl but dp has asked me to marry him and more than once and this is not anyone's business why I have declined .
So in regard to my original question Sarah you suggest I need to leave him because we're not married ? I'm not even going to go there but my dp is the most amazing step father to our dc without that piece of paper .

Thank you so much to the people who ha e provided a reply .
I jabe now spoken time dp and the policy has been cancelled .

OP posts:

WTF475878237NC · 13/08/2021 23:44

Pleased to read that you got that outcome OP. All the best.

Original poster

easterdaffsx · 13/08/2021 23:46

Thank you .

OP posts:

PegasusReturns · 14/08/2021 08:48

What a pity the solution was to cancel the policy. Something that caused you no real harm will almost certainly cause a greater financial burden to the ex.

Boysnme · 14/08/2021 09:04

@easterdaffsx

But if he’s not paying into it then if he dies it’s technically money from something she paid for not him, or you.

If she dies then he gets the money, almost for free.

I agree it feels a bit odd that they haven’t just cancelled and she’s taken her own policy but there may have been reasons for this - if she’s since had an illness that can’t now be covered for example.

I’d be more bothered if he was still paying for it.

What you need to be doing is making sure you have your own finances sorted out and that he has another policy where it’s left to you, or pays off the mortgage, if he dies.

Boysnme · 14/08/2021 09:05

Just read it’s now cancelled. Happy outcome for you OP

Charley50 · 14/08/2021 13:50

It's very wise not to marry your DP as you have 4 kids of your own. Totally understand why you haven't.

Original poster

easterdaffsx · 15/08/2021 00:34

Why ? Sorry to ask but you don't know why I declined marriage at this time .
It wasn't because I have four dc who adore him though .

My dc are 30, 25, 18 and 11 .

Why would having dc mean I should t marry someone ?

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 01:40

@easterdaffsx

Great news.. glad it's been cancelled 🌸

Charley50 · 15/08/2021 16:00

@easterdaffsx

Why ? Sorry to ask but you don't know why I declined marriage at this time . It wasn't because I have four dc who adore him though . My dc are 30, 25, 18 and 11 .

Why would having dc mean I should t marry someone ?

Sorry, ignore my comment. You're right, it's not relevant to your thread, and in some circumstances I'm sure it is good (e.g. practical) to get married when there are already children.

anniegun · 15/08/2021 16:06

Its not a problem for you as she is paying the premium! In fact you may indirectly benefit from it , if she dies first.

Newtoittoo · 15/08/2021 16:18

@anniegun

Its not a problem for you as she is paying the premium! In fact you may indirectly benefit from it , if she dies first.

That is precisely why it was so weird.

Why would someone pay for an insurance policy that they / their family or loved ones would not benefit from in any way should the worst happen.

If there was some additional deed of gift (?) or some such arrangement, surely it could still have potential impacted on the OPs finances and also have kept him linked to an Ex from yesteryear…

Anyway, glad it’s all sorted.

Sadiecow · 15/08/2021 17:05

@Newtoittoo because she's probably redirected the benefit to a trust?

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