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Original poster

Just found out he has agreed to joint life insurance with ex

150 replies

easterdaffsx · 11/08/2021 00:14

Omg I am just so so gutted .
Moved on with dp 2 years ago .
When we joined back accounts I noticed dhe was still paying a dd to a joint life insurance with his ex fiancé .
Asked him to please sort ( we've been together almost 5 years and I believed he just hadn't gotten around to sorting ) and then the problem was he needed her consent to terminate because they'd been separated over 12 months and it was joint .
Long story short they spoke and she asked if she could take over the policy but he didn't share that with me even though he knew I was fairly upset and wanted it cancelled regardless .
Then the solicitor clearly states that if this happens in the event of either party dying the insurance goes to the surviving party .
In the email I have seen he has agreed to this .
So basically I was never to know .

Shit .... I thought he might have feelings for her still and she's married now .
Feel like my entire world just fell apart .
Please is there any way I'm overthinking this ?

OP posts:
TheTeenageYears · 11/08/2021 07:31

If the policy had been cancelled at any point OH would have got nothing at that point or the future. If the policy is now being entirely paid for by ex then DP is not financially disadvantaged on an on going basis but presumably if she dies he will benefit from the policy without now paying into it. I would think ex's husband would have more of an issue with this - a policy their money is paying for will never benefit them should the worst happen, the beneficiary is an ex who hasn't paid into the policy for years.

The only downsides from your DP's perspective on this situation is a) it keeps a connection between the parties and b) any possible impact on his thinking re further life insurance if he has the mindset "I already have cover" or cost of other life insurance being impacted because of existing policy.

ivykaty44 · 11/08/2021 07:36

I had life insurance and changed to a different policy

Literally you just cancel the direct debut and stop paying and take out a different policy with another company. You don’t even have to contact the company but stop paying, as there is nothing the company can do

SmokeyDevil · 11/08/2021 07:41

@moose62

I think she will actually be the loser and don't understand her reasoning. She pays for the policy.... presumably to leave the money to her family on her death but by all accounts it will go to your partner when it has cost him nothing. Really doesn't make sense. She needs to get a policy that will benefit her family unless she is able to nominate another beneficiary in her will.
Yeah it doesn't make sense at all for her side, if this is the case. She is willing to pay for life insurance for years to then go to her ex if she dies? Very odd when she is married and has/may have children with him.

It actually sounds like your partner gets the better end of the deal. He pays nothing for if and might benefit from it, if she dies first. From both sides though, it sounds like they both have feelings still though, otherwise why would you do this?

ComeonJulia · 11/08/2021 07:43

The ex is paying the premium so why does it upset, or bother you, in the slightest?

You seem quite grabby, OP.

2019user44 · 11/08/2021 07:44

If they have children together this is sensible as it provides for her and them in a situation where his maintenance Stops due to his death and protect you from the claims under the inheritance act on his death on behalf of the minor children. It doesn’t affect you, just take out your own separate life assurance policy with him. It really isn’t a big deal and is quite standard in a lot of divorces that this would be expected. Family lawyer

2019user44 · 11/08/2021 07:47

And from your husband’s perspective it provides him with a fund to help provide for the children if their mother suddenly died. It is a very responsible sensible thing to do.

liveforsummer · 11/08/2021 07:47

It's very strange but she's paying the premiums and it's not going to affect you in anyway. Now if I was her husband I'd be pretty pissed off!

liveforsummer · 11/08/2021 07:47

@2019user44 there are no children

2019user44 · 11/08/2021 07:48

Sorry just seen there are no children. It is a bit odd on those circumstances

Charley50 · 11/08/2021 08:01

OP, I can see why initially it was upsetting. but think you're presuming a motivation on your DPs part that isn't there. He isn't paying into it, so it's up to his ex if she wants to keep paying it. As others have said, it's her DH who should be pissed off.

Why don't you and DP get your own life insurance policies? Presumably you have one to cover the mortgage anyway. I pay into one so that my son will get money if I die before the term is up.

Fireflygal · 11/08/2021 08:06

Op, it seems your dp has just been amicable with his ex over this and you maybe attaching too much emotion to the agreement.

Life assurance purchased many years ago will have been much cheaper, as it was joint, he had to agree or else it would been cancelled. You mention solicitor so I assume they had assets together that had to be divided. It was probably agreed at the time as a means of compromise. It was just pragmatic.

I think you feel "less than" but it's worth exploring that feeling. What do you need to feel more equal?

Btw, how old is your dp? The term may not be life term as likely to be linked to a term such as mortgage. Your dp has a past and that will include some financial links. The fact that he was amicable reflects well on him.

ballsdeep · 11/08/2021 08:12

@ripplestitchblank

I don't think you're over thinking. I'd be furious and incredibly hurt.

Wtf is he doing?

I'd be the same! There is no reason for him to have a joint policy. It's basically saying that if he does he cares more about her needs than yours!
anotherday235 · 11/08/2021 08:15

Well she's taken over the payments so not really an issue. He should take out a life insurance with you now he's not paying into anything.

Dandy0911 · 11/08/2021 08:22

@Fozzleyplum

If there is a good reason, such as those suggested by other posters, why your DP has agreed to this, your DP should have explained this to you. Otherwise, it is odd that he is keeping alive this connection with her.

Does anyone more knowledgeable about insurance than I am, know if there is any restriction on insuring the same life twice, as OP has done by having both a joint and individusl policy?

No, no restrictions. You can have as many policies as you like, just not with the same insurer.

(Been in the life insurance industry 7+ years)

Dandy0911 · 11/08/2021 08:25

I've just read that she's paying the premiums.

OP, you can take out a joint cover between you, or 2 singles. Put it into trust and make each other the beneficiaries.

liveforsummer · 11/08/2021 08:36

I'd be the same! There is no reason for him to have a joint policy. It's basically saying that if he does he cares more about her needs than yours!

Why? He's not paying for it, it's not going impact the current family in any way. It just exists. He can take out his own policy with op. Like I said weird for ex's husband if she dies and their household money had paid for it but OP's husband gets the benefit but of no consequence to OP

saraclara · 11/08/2021 08:38

But it doesn’t affect you. It wouldn’t be his money. She won’t be taking money from you. She is paying the premiums. You can take out an insurance policy on him as well.

Exactly. And the bonus is that, at no cost to you, if she dies first, you and your DP get a windfall.

I really don't understand why you are so angry about this. You're not paying into this, he's not paying into this. It doesn't link them in any meaningful way.

Now get your own life insurances sorted.

Mactaylorssecretwife · 11/08/2021 08:46

Is there an element of critical illness cover on the policy? If that’s the case then perhaps she wants to keep it so that she maintains the benefit of the critical illness cover at the current price as that part specifically would increase in cost as she gets older and potentially has more medical issues in the background.

liveforsummer · 11/08/2021 08:49

Does it also mean that even though OP's partner isn't paying, he could benefit if he becomes injured or unwell if that's part of the policy?

MadeForThis · 11/08/2021 08:53

Has your dp agreed to give the payment to her new DH if she dies first.

She is essentially paying to insure your DP's life as her family will now not benefit when she dies.

Barnabyted · 11/08/2021 08:56

This really could be a windfall for you and your family. Your DP is not paying any premiums now and yet, if his ex girlfriend dies, he gets the proceeds of the policy. If your DP dies first, then you haven't lost out financially, as the premiums were not paid by him whilst you were together. The real loser is the ex girlfriend's new husband and her children as she is paying for the policy but her immediate family does not benefit.

On the other hand, I hope the father of your children has taken out life insurance and that your children benefit from it in the case of his death. I agree with other posters that it is time that you and your partner sorted out wills and took out your own life insurance policies.

redtshirt50 · 11/08/2021 09:03

I don't really see the issue here.

Why do you care if she gets some money?

It doesn't affect you in any way. This doesn't mean he still loves her, he's just doing her a favor and being pretty reasonable.

He probably didn't tell you because in his eyes he's sorted it. He's no longer paying the money.

If you want to get life insurance with him, you can.

burnoutbabe · 11/08/2021 09:03

I assume there is something that isn't being properly explained about this policy.

If it did pay out critical illness to the ex and she is now sick /unable to get a new deal for cheap then it makes sense, the life insurance is just a bonus add on.

If it's just life insurance then it's very odd she is paying for no benefits to her family if she dies. But a random upside windfall if your partner dies! You may as well put life insurance on Prince William! Or any other stranger!

AntiFlag · 11/08/2021 09:08

Unless she is planning to bump him off this makes no sense

So she pays all the premiums then if she dies he gets all the money. It’s lose lose for her surely.

Are you sure you’ve got this right

riotlady · 11/08/2021 09:20

I don’t see why it’s a problem if she’s paying the premiums? A bit odd yes, but not a comment on your relationship in any way.