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Original poster

Just found out he has agreed to joint life insurance with ex

150 replies

easterdaffsx · 11/08/2021 00:14

Omg I am just so so gutted .
Moved on with dp 2 years ago .
When we joined back accounts I noticed dhe was still paying a dd to a joint life insurance with his ex fiancé .
Asked him to please sort ( we've been together almost 5 years and I believed he just hadn't gotten around to sorting ) and then the problem was he needed her consent to terminate because they'd been separated over 12 months and it was joint .
Long story short they spoke and she asked if she could take over the policy but he didn't share that with me even though he knew I was fairly upset and wanted it cancelled regardless .
Then the solicitor clearly states that if this happens in the event of either party dying the insurance goes to the surviving party .
In the email I have seen he has agreed to this .
So basically I was never to know .

Shit .... I thought he might have feelings for her still and she's married now .
Feel like my entire world just fell apart .
Please is there any way I'm overthinking this ?

OP posts:
ItsDinah · 11/08/2021 01:57

There are different types of insurance and lots of reasons someone might want to keep one in force. Some policies build up a value as they go along and stopping them could lead to a payout which is taxable, causes problems with benefits,or which the owner does not want because it could cause issues with their partner. As a broad rule of thumb,it is not sensible to give up an existing one. If the premium is £10 a month,the ex may simply be happy to take the gamble that your DP dies first and she gets a windfall. It's certainly a better bet than the National Lottery and I don't see anything sinister in that. If the premiums are substantial then I would expect the Ex would be better off having ownership of the policy signed over to her. She can still do this even although it is on joint lives. There are three sets of people involved in a policy - the person whose life is insured;the owner of the policy who will get the payout and the person who pays the premium. These can all be different. You and DP could sign the proceeds of your own individual policies over to each other. The fact this has got you in such a state is concerning as is the fact that you own a house together ,are not married and have not sorted out Wills.

54321nought · 11/08/2021 02:25

Death in what service? Have I missed something, has OP says her partner is in the forces?

"death in service" is not related to armed forces, it mean dying during your working life, rather than after retirement.

Most people have "death in service" insurance in their pension, or life insurance

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 11/08/2021 03:34

Maybe she thinks his days are numbered and she wants a big payout.
Maybe she intends to number his days for him.

What does her DH think about it?

Dandy0911 · 11/08/2021 04:12

Some policies have a 'separation benefit,' in their Ts and Cs.

If that's not on the policy, they won't be able to change the cover to a single life policy. It will need to be cancelled and the money paid in will be lost, which is crap, but a lot fairer on you.

If the policy isn't written into trust, either party can cancel the policy without the signature of the other person. So check if the policy is in trust too.

Sorry OP is be fuming if DH was paying for a policy with an ex.

MintMatchmaker · 11/08/2021 04:35

My life insurance had to be in place for 12 months before payout and is a huge amount cheaper than any similar policy I could buy now.

I can totally see why it may be attractive to keep an existing policy. There could also be medical conditions that make obtaining a new one difficult or expensive.

She is paying for it so whilst it may niggle a bit it wouldn’t really bother me. There’s nothing to stop him having a separate policy that names you as beneficiary.

dcilovett · 11/08/2021 05:04

I don't think this makes any difference to you at all if she is paying the premiums?

You and your DP can (and should) set up whatever insurance is necessary to protect you and your DCs.

An additional joint life policy that you are not paying for and cannot benefit from has no impact on that.

Owlshouse · 11/08/2021 05:24

It depends what is meant by the benefit, is there an actual cash lump sum pay out on death? If that type of policy yes I'd think that was a very odd idea to continue as surely current partners would be left with funeral costs etc whilst the ex partner gets a monetary payment but if its like my life insurance policy which just pays off the mortgage provider if either of us die - that type of cover I can see why she would ask to take over the payments on current policy (a new one could cost more)

ittakes2 · 11/08/2021 05:59

I am very confused if she has taken it over and she is paying for it than why are you upset. I’m guessing she would not be eligible for another policy or it was a very good deal for her to ask to take it over.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 11/08/2021 06:08

Its entirely bonkers. And I thought you had to have an incurable interest in the other person if you were insuring someone elses life. If she really wants to pay the premiums on a policy that only your dp will benefit from, fair enough.
Just focus on your own arrangements

OaxacaChihuahua · 11/08/2021 06:20

I was outraged at first but I think I understand better now - she has taken over the policy (presumably because it was a better deal than she could get by taking out a new one) and is paying the premiums. If she dies, your partner gets money. If your partner dies, she gets money - but at no cost to you or your partner because she’s paying the premiums.

I do understand why you’re upset because it’s a financial entanglement with an ex. But I don’t think you’re actually affected by it. What your partner should now do is take out a separate policy which names you as the beneficiary, so that you are also protected in the event of his death.

SimonJT · 11/08/2021 06:27

I took out a joint policy with ny ex about six years ago, due to two chronic health issues it was very difficult to get a decent policy that would cover a mortgage etc. Now six years later I’m essentially uninsurable unless I pay a stupid amount of money each month, if I cancel the policy and anything happens to me my mortgage isn’t paid, my son isn’t provided for.

If I took out a comparable policy now it would be around £180 per month, compared to £23 for the joint policy.

Thedayohthedayohtheday · 11/08/2021 06:41

It does seem a bit odd, but to be honest, if she is paying it now, I wouldn't worry about it. Bit of a bonus for you if she dies first!

Original poster
easterdaffsx · 11/08/2021 06:43

I'm upset because if my partner dies a large sum of money shall be paid to a person he was in a relationship with years ago . What part of that should I be okay with ?
They have no children and no joint responsibilities .

OP posts:
Fozzleyplum · 11/08/2021 06:44

If there is a good reason, such as those suggested by other posters, why your DP has agreed to this, your DP should have explained this to you. Otherwise, it is odd that he is keeping alive this connection with her.

Does anyone more knowledgeable about insurance than I am, know if there is any restriction on insuring the same life twice, as OP has done by having both a joint and individusl policy?

moose62 · 11/08/2021 06:50

I think she will actually be the loser and don't understand her reasoning. She pays for the policy.... presumably to leave the money to her family on her death but by all accounts it will go to your partner when it has cost him nothing. Really doesn't make sense. She needs to get a policy that will benefit her family unless she is able to nominate another beneficiary in her will.

EllieThornton · 11/08/2021 07:01

I am just guessing here but is there an endowment element attached to the policy that becomes payable after a set time, which she would benefit from? If so, it might be in her interest to keep the policy going.

WB205020 · 11/08/2021 07:02

@SimonJT
You’ve got the nail on the head. Put aside health issues, the older you get the more life insurance costs. That maybe why she is reluctant to get a new policy. Perhaps she has new health problems that would jump the premium so taking a new policy would be extortionate.

All that said @easterdaffsx I do understand your concern and it does seem strange but I don’t know what you can do about it tbh. She is paying for the policy not your DP. I would suggest you ask your DP to take his own policy out naming you as the beneficiary. That would solve the problem.

SimonJT · 11/08/2021 07:05

@Fozzleyplum

If there is a good reason, such as those suggested by other posters, why your DP has agreed to this, your DP should have explained this to you. Otherwise, it is odd that he is keeping alive this connection with her.

Does anyone more knowledgeable about insurance than I am, know if there is any restriction on insuring the same life twice, as OP has done by having both a joint and individusl policy?

You can take out as many as you like, and they would pay out upon death (as long as usual t&cs are met).
CovidCorvid · 11/08/2021 07:12

@easterdaffsx

I'm upset because if my partner dies a large sum of money shall be paid to a person he was in a relationship with years ago . What part of that should I be okay with ? They have no children and no joint responsibilities .
But it doesn’t affect you. It wouldn’t be his money. She won’t be taking money from you. She is paying the premiums. You can take out an insurance policy on him as well.
gmailconfusion2 · 11/08/2021 07:17

Why don't you take a new policy out with you as a beneficiary? I have three policies, one to my mother, two to my partner, taken out at different times, but after the first one I was diagnosed with a condition so can no longer get critical illness cover, so have kept the first one

boobot1 · 11/08/2021 07:17

@easterdaffsx

I'm upset because if my partner dies a large sum of money shall be paid to a person he was in a relationship with years ago . What part of that should I be okay with ? They have no children and no joint responsibilities .
Yeah but she's paying the premium
randomsabreuse · 11/08/2021 07:20

Not an issue. DH and I have both a joint policy (covers the mortgage) and individual policies, in my car to cover the cost of a live in nanny to enable DH to work his current job if I were dead. His individual one is less because my field doesn't require overnight work!

AnguaResurgam · 11/08/2021 07:30

@easterdaffsx

I'm upset because if my partner dies a large sum of money shall be paid to a person he was in a relationship with years ago . What part of that should I be okay with ? They have no children and no joint responsibilities .
You should be OK with all of it, as you should come to recognise that financial matters set up during previous relationships are not your business. You have not paid in to this policy, you have nothing to do with it (except that your DP's disposable income would have been a little bit higher in the period before she took over the premiums)

As many posters have pointed out, keeping a policy is quite likely to be a very sound decision - sounds like it in this case.

So you can also like the idea that your DP makes good financial decisions, unswayed by emotion.

Now concentrate on your own financial well-being. Do you think you need additional insurance? If so arrange it.

You both need wills, as a matter of some urgency.

LatentPhase · 11/08/2021 07:30

I had a joint life insurance policy with exDH.

After the divorce I looked to set up a new policy but premiums were very expensive, around £150 per month.

I was being advised by brokers to take a new expensive policy. But didn’t want to pay those amounts.

So I wrote to the existing company, asked to have him removed from the policy. ExDH signed the form, cover became single for me only, all my cover remained in place the the premiums even went down!!

Has this not been suggested?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 11/08/2021 07:31

She's paying the premium - I don't understand why you're so upset about it. I don't really see what's in it for her though, if she dies her husband will not benefit from it. He is the one who should be annoyed!

You should focus on arrangements between you and your DP especially as you're not married and have no will and a mortgage together etc - I've missed whether you have children or not, if not then what will happen if he dies? Who will be the beneficiary of his estate?

This needs sorting tbh

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