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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just found out he has agreed to joint life insurance with ex

150 replies

easterdaffsx · 11/08/2021 00:14

Omg I am just so so gutted .
Moved on with dp 2 years ago .
When we joined back accounts I noticed dhe was still paying a dd to a joint life insurance with his ex fiancé .
Asked him to please sort ( we've been together almost 5 years and I believed he just hadn't gotten around to sorting ) and then the problem was he needed her consent to terminate because they'd been separated over 12 months and it was joint .
Long story short they spoke and she asked if she could take over the policy but he didn't share that with me even though he knew I was fairly upset and wanted it cancelled regardless .
Then the solicitor clearly states that if this happens in the event of either party dying the insurance goes to the surviving party .
In the email I have seen he has agreed to this .
So basically I was never to know .

Shit .... I thought he might have feelings for her still and she's married now .
Feel like my entire world just fell apart .
Please is there any way I'm overthinking this ?

OP posts:
Theforest · 11/08/2021 10:36

I don't understand it. How will insurance pay out to her if your DP dies if she isn't financially involved. Makes no sense.

I would be pissed off too. There is no reason for this

Bibidy · 11/08/2021 10:36

How are people saying OP is overthinking this?

It is super weird that his ex, who he has nothing to do with and no children with, is maintaining an insurance policy which will pay her if he dies!!! Even though they are nothing to do with each other.

If I was him I'd be worried she was going to bump me off Grin.

But seriously, it's odd and I can totally see why OP is perturbed.

Dandy0911 · 11/08/2021 10:45

@BigFatLiar

I was surprised to learn you can take out a policy on anyone’s life, you don’t need to have their authority!!! If I wanted to take out a policy on my friends life or the bloke that works at the garage, I could! Bizarre.

I'm not sure this is true.

I think you can insure yourself and close family eg children. Insuring others needs 'insurable interest' ie you are at a financial loss on their death. Technically you may require their consent.
Not to say you can't actually get a policy if you ask but on pay out the insurer may reject the claim as invalid. Not sure if the rules are more relaxed but in the past technically co-habiting couples couldn't insure each other other than for joint expenses (mortgage etc).

If it was a joint policy then she ought simply to have cancelled it and taken out a new one, perhaps there's a problem with the rates on a new policy and she thinks this is cheaper.

This absolutely isn't true. You are correct :)

You cannot take out an insurance on behalf of someone unless you have leading power of attorney.

The only thing you can do, is take a funeral plan out on behalf of someone, as not all funeral plan providers are regulated. (Yet.)

Going off some other posters, you don't have to have any finances ties, or any reason to take a policy. If you apply for a policy and are accepted, that's it.

  • If the policy isn't written into a trust, EITHER party of the policy can cancel the policy.
  • you won't get any of the premiums back.
  • unless there is a 'split policy benefit' on the cover, which rarely happens, as the people who take the policy out don't ever ask for it, then you cannot 'take over' a policy, as it's been specifically underwritten for the pair of you. You will need to cancel the policy and apply for a new one.
  • you can have multiple life insurance policies, just not with the same provider. Lots of people do this for inheritance tax reasons, as well as big mortgages etc.
  • all policies that are life assurance have a terminal illness benefit on them. Whether life or joint. So if one of the people on the cover was to be given a year or less to live, they can claim the money themselves. THIS IS DIFFERENT TO CRITICAL ILLNESS COVER.

Lastly, I don't know why a solicitor is involved in this. Are they married?

There's no reason for a solicitor to be involved in this. The policy can be easily cancelled, as long as it's just a big standard life assurance policy.

If the policy has been written into a trust, you may need authorisation from all trustees / policy holders.

Hope this helps. OP if you want to PM me feel free.

I've been working in the life insurance industry for 7 years.

TellingBone · 11/08/2021 10:52

Plot full of holes

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 11/08/2021 11:11

[quote liveforsummer]@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow they are not both still paying. Only the ex is paying. I'd understand ex's current husband posting in a rage but not OP who is not in any way affected by this [/quote]
yes, I presumed he wasn't still paying but wanted OP to clarify cos it's the only reason I can see for her being in a snit!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 11/08/2021 11:18

This seems bonkers.

The only thing I can think is that maybe it is so much cheaper to carry on as is than to cancel and take out a new policy and maybe they have agreed between themselves that the surviving person will hand the money over eg if she dies your partner doesn't keep the cash but gives it to her husband.

PoppyDotx · 11/08/2021 11:24

If I'm reading this right then exp is paying it completely so if she dies, he's quids in and if he dies she's paid it anyway so what's the problem? He isn't spending money on it.

SoupDragon · 11/08/2021 11:28

@easterdaffsx

I'm upset because if my partner dies a large sum of money shall be paid to a person he was in a relationship with years ago . What part of that should I be okay with ? They have no children and no joint responsibilities .
The money will be paid to the person who is paying the premiums. How is that wrong?

Just take out your own life insurance on him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Muchasgracias · 11/08/2021 11:56

@easterdaffsx

I'm upset because if my partner dies a large sum of money shall be paid to a person he was in a relationship with years ago . What part of that should I be okay with ? They have no children and no joint responsibilities .
I don’t get why you’re upset about this money. It HER money is it not ghh oh me that your partner no longer pays. Unless your partner is in a position to take his premiums out but has chosen to leave them there? Is that even possible?

Otherwise I think she’s the one who has more to lose. Or any of her dependents for that matter. She is paying the premiums and if she dies the payout goes to an ex not her DH….

If your DH dies, he has no life insurance policy in place.

gogohm · 11/08/2021 12:24

I have joint life with ex but we have kids. It runs out in 2029 by which time they will be long grown up. I figure it will cover the cost of being the sole surviving parent

chesirecat99 · 11/08/2021 12:28

It makes no sense if they don't have DC, own a house together or still have shared debts. Why would she want to leave him money? Unless she doesn't understand that Confused.

Does it have critical illness cover included? I suppose there could be a reason why she can't get a new critical illness policy or it would be more expensive and that is why she wants to keep the policy eg even an abnormal smear or high blood pressure could affect the premium or mean there is an exclusion.

Opentooffers · 11/08/2021 12:57

I wouldn't and don't have a problem with this. My BF has a policy with his ex, not batting an eyelid about it even though they have not been together for years and were never married. Now if we were to move in together, I'd expect a new policy to cover the mortgage would be taken out. So given that you live together, has he got a policy to cover your mortgage too ? Most mortgage companies wouldn't lend otherwise.

mewkins · 11/08/2021 13:21

How odd. I've just looked this up because I still have a policy with my dh who I have been separated from for 4 years but not quite divorced yet. It is there as we still Co own the house I live in and we have two kids together. However I should be able to take over the policy as a single policy or else split into two when we finally divorce. No idea why they wouldn't just do that if it is about premiums etc.

drpet49 · 11/08/2021 13:26

* It is super weird that his ex, who he has nothing to do with and no children with, is maintaining an insurance policy which will pay her if he dies!!! Even though they are nothing to do with each other.*

^I agree. This is bizarre.

AndTheReasonIsYou · 11/08/2021 14:01

He’s not maintaining it though. He’s not paying for it. He’s literally just living his life.

AliceMcK · 11/08/2021 14:24

Who owns the policy?
Who is paying for it?

If the ex owns the policy and your DP is just the life insured then there is nothing you can do unless she is willing to sign it over to him or you. Given she’s still paying premiums then I doubt she will. The only way your going to be able to cancel the policy is if it lapses because she stops paying premiums.

If DP is the sole policy owner then that’s shit and he needs to change it.

What you need to do is get a new policy on his life where you are the owner of the policy. That way it is paid out to you straight away upon his death. The older a person gets the more expensive it gets to take out new policies, so don’t leave it too long.

Before I met DH I took out a policy on my life with my brother as sole policy owner. That way in the event of my death he got paid out straight away so he could cover the cost of my funeral and give something to my dn’s. When I met my DH, my brother happily signed over ownership to my DH. Legally he didn’t have to.

AliceMcK · 11/08/2021 14:31

@drpet49

* It is super weird that his ex, who he has nothing to do with and no children with, is maintaining an insurance policy which will pay her if he dies!!! Even though they are nothing to do with each other.*

^I agree. This is bizarre.

It’s more common than people think. I use to work in insurance and it happens quite a lot. As long as the policy is taken out legally and the terms of the policy are being met then there is nothing a new partner or even the life insured can do.
TellingBone · 11/08/2021 14:34

Policy conditions are not still being met if he is no longer financially impacted by her death, as was [apparently] the case when the policy was taken out.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 11/08/2021 14:43

You should be concentrating on you and your DP getting Wills and life insurance set up for each of you, that should be your priority. The ex will be paying the premiums from now on and will not affect you. If she dies first then your DP would be a beneficiary, I'm sure you would not be refusing any payout then, or offering it to her new husband. Concentrate on what does affect you and your DC.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 11/08/2021 19:55

@easterdaffsx

Vincent his ex has taken over the payments and the direct debit completely .... it's just been raised by the solicitor that payment would be made to the surviving party .
So she's paying it?

It nothing to do with you if it's not being paid for by you or him. You're not out of pocket in any way.

I assume she must have an insurance interest in him - he must pay spousal maintainence or something. You can only take out insurance if you have an insurable interest.

Zilla1 · 11/08/2021 20:53

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand I expect there was a financial interest when the policy was taken out and presumably they were a couple. I don't think institutions audit the continuation of such relationships.

billy1966 · 11/08/2021 23:56

This is most likely about the premium being a good deal.

You need to sort wills out as a priority.

BigFatLiar · 12/08/2021 23:23

[quote Zilla1]@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand I expect there was a financial interest when the policy was taken out and presumably they were a couple. I don't think institutions audit the continuation of such relationships.[/quote]
Probably don't but if you have a change which is material to the policy such as divorce or breakup for a joint policy it may be seen as a change which renders the policy void. Depends on the terms in the policy. Insurance is based on 'good faith' ie they're taking your word, if you break faith by with holding information they can void it.

If the policy relates to them as a couple and they no longer are she may be paying premiums for a worthless policy.

JollyAndBright · 12/08/2021 23:28

Life insurance isn’t a one and done thing.

You can have as many policies as you like.
If it bothers you get him to take out a new policy naming you the beneficiary.

PegasusReturns · 13/08/2021 01:00

It’s probably financially more sensible to keep it going.

In all likelihood it won’t have a split clause so the Ex would have to cancel. If the policy was taken out ten years ago at cost of £50 pcm it’d probably cost £80 pcm for the same cover. It’s cheaper and financially beneficial to her to pay lower premiums a d gave the advantage of a windfall if DP dies.

Insurance isn’t finite. He can additional insurance if that’s something you would both like

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