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Original poster

Just found out he has agreed to joint life insurance with ex

150 replies

easterdaffsx · 11/08/2021 00:14

Omg I am just so so gutted .
Moved on with dp 2 years ago .
When we joined back accounts I noticed dhe was still paying a dd to a joint life insurance with his ex fiancé .
Asked him to please sort ( we've been together almost 5 years and I believed he just hadn't gotten around to sorting ) and then the problem was he needed her consent to terminate because they'd been separated over 12 months and it was joint .
Long story short they spoke and she asked if she could take over the policy but he didn't share that with me even though he knew I was fairly upset and wanted it cancelled regardless .
Then the solicitor clearly states that if this happens in the event of either party dying the insurance goes to the surviving party .
In the email I have seen he has agreed to this .
So basically I was never to know .

Shit .... I thought he might have feelings for her still and she's married now .
Feel like my entire world just fell apart .
Please is there any way I'm overthinking this ?

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 11/08/2021 09:24

It may be worth both of them checking on this. I'm sure a proper legal beagle will come along and say something but I thought to insure someone's life there needed to be a financial impact on death. So unless she is going to be left out of pocket on your partners death she has no reason to have his life insured and the policy may not be valid.

Ivy48 · 11/08/2021 09:30

You do know he can request to be removed and the policy will just become hers? He won’t be named anymore. Also no one needs authority really to cancel
Insurance. If the Dorect debit cancels and is never reinstated between 3-6 months later the company will lose the plan anyway. (I work in life insurance) big bizarre to keep a joint plan if there’s no children. I would feel like you and request he removes himself from the plan.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 11/08/2021 09:30

So she’s paying the premiums and the only person that could possible be paying anyone is the insurance company…. I’d have no issue with that whatsoever.
If you want life insurance you and the children’s father can arrange that.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 11/08/2021 09:31

What the hell is he doing? I had a life insurance with my ex husband and that got cancelled the minute we got divorced against his wishes.
He wanted to keep it because I am 15 years older than him and in bad health but there is no way - all my money is going to my son. He wasn't happy but tough.
Is you DP always this gutless, it isn't ok not to be able to say to an ex, well actually no, this is getting cancelled.

AnotherLongDay · 11/08/2021 09:36

That’s very strange - why would she want your ex to get a payment if she died?
Wouldn’t she want her husband / kids to get a payment if she died? It kind of defeats the purpose of having a policy doesn’t it?
Does she think your partner will die before her and she’ll get a payout?!

Treacletoots · 11/08/2021 09:40

The only issue here I can see is it could keep a financial connection between them on their credit files.

I really don't see whats in it for the ex. It's very odd. OP I get you don't like the idea of it but if I were you I'd be asking why he wasn't looking into insuring himself for your family now. That's more important in my opinion.

@BigFatLiar nope. You can insure yourself for any amount for no reason. There doesn't have to be a financial need. You can just leave a pot of money to your friends for a piss up if you wish.

burnoutbabe · 11/08/2021 09:43

I think you can Insure yourself for any reason but can you insure someone else?

Ie Prince William, can I take out life insurance on him? Seems daft if I can!

Bibidy · 11/08/2021 09:46

OMG some of these comments here! "How is it your business?" - are you for real?

Just unbelievable.

Disneycharacter · 11/08/2021 09:47

It's disgraceful and disloyal of him. You are quite right to be upset.

liveforsummer · 11/08/2021 09:48

How is it disloyal? It's of absolutely no consequence to their lives and of no cost. The only potential consequence in fact is a windfall of a substantial amount of cash for no outlay if she dies

NotaCoolMum · 11/08/2021 09:49

I actually can’t believe the pp saying it doesn’t matter because she’s paying the premium etc! How would any of you feel if your dp/DH of years was making sure his EX was looked after in the event of his death?! How would any of you actually be ok with that?! @easterdaffsx I think your feelings are 100% valid 💐

dcilovett · 11/08/2021 09:49

It is odd if the policy is pure life insurance, because even if she can't get better terms/premiums, her husband is not the beneficiary so there's no point having the policy.

But it's not odd if it's an Endowment policy, which incorporates some savings component which will mature at some date in the future. Cashing in the endowment will lose some of the value from past premiums, so keeping it and paying the future premiums will ensure she retains the maturity benefit when it's due.

Seriously nothing to do with the OP, most people have former partners with financial arrangements that have needed to be unravelled, and in this case it clearly makes sense to both people named on the policy for it to continue.

Has absolutely no impact on the OP's ability to sort out life insurance with her DP.

(And no, you cannot take out life insurance on Prince William because you have no insurable interest. But this is not a new policy, it's an existing one, and it can be continued as has been arranged by the DP and his ex.)

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 11/08/2021 09:52

His ex has surely done as @LatentPhase describes, so it's her policy, and will no longer pay out on his death.

We need to know if they are both still paying cos then OP is right to be vexed, but otherwise it's a storm in a teacup.

User1357 · 11/08/2021 09:54

This is insane!!

I would absolutely make sure that this ends immediately. Tell her to take her own life insurance policy out WTAF?!

I would end a relationship over this if he didn’t terminate it. He clearly cares more about looking after his ex upon his death rather than his current partner?

Enough4me · 11/08/2021 09:56

They must have an agreement behind this.

I wonder if it's a low premium and a generous payout, but if he comes off it the premium goes up. She may be happy to pay it, provided legally if he dies she gets the money and if she dies he transfers half to her family- there must be a reason they both agreed to a potential pay out.

liveforsummer · 11/08/2021 09:58

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow they are not both still paying. Only the ex is paying. I'd understand ex's current husband posting in a rage but not OP who is not in any way affected by this

saraclara · 11/08/2021 09:59

@User1357

This is insane!!

I would absolutely make sure that this ends immediately. Tell her to take her own life insurance policy out WTAF?!

I would end a relationship over this if he didn’t terminate it. He clearly cares more about looking after his ex upon his death rather than his current partner?

It IS her own life policy. It's a joint one which is continuing, but which she is talking on full responsibility for.

It has nothing to do with the OP at all. It is a long standing financial contract that OP has never paid into and never will.

FreeBritnee · 11/08/2021 10:03

@Bingbongbash

If she is 'taking it over' it sounds like she is going to pay for all of it. If she dies he will get the money and if he dies she will get the money but she will pay all the premiums herself. So he isn't spending money on it. He has let her take it over. That makes more sense.
That would the the answer. She has basically continued a life policy on both their lives and in the event of death of either of them, she will receive a payout.

I was surprised to learn you can take out a policy on anyone’s life, you don’t need to have their authority!!! If I wanted to take out a policy on my friends life or the bloke that works at the garage, I could! Bizarre.

I

vivainsomnia · 11/08/2021 10:13

I think you are likely misundertanding the terms of the agreement. They can sever the agreement, or she can take it over, but she can't buy him out. The terms of payment can't be erased or changed. He's agreed to remove himself, she continues to pay, but what he's paid until now would go to her and vice versa, so ultimately, you could yourself benefit from her death.

The agreement is now separate though so going forward, whatever she agrees is her to do as she wishes. Your OH can take his own insurance and make you the beneficiary.

Zilla1 · 11/08/2021 10:16

HNRTT but there might be benefits from maintaining the policy rather than cancelling it which don't relate to any emotional engagement between them - if her medical conditions have changed or even if she is older then she might not be able to secure the same price and terms as when the policy was taken out, plus she might get the benefit of an earlier payment if your DP dies which would be financially beneficial to her but might upset you. I'd be surprised if this stops you taking out a policy now on the same terms as you would get if the historical policy was cancelled. I can see you feel emotionally affected by this but I don't think every person would.

BigFatLiar · 11/08/2021 10:16

I was surprised to learn you can take out a policy on anyone’s life, you don’t need to have their authority!!! If I wanted to take out a policy on my friends life or the bloke that works at the garage, I could! Bizarre.

I'm not sure this is true.

I think you can insure yourself and close family eg children. Insuring others needs 'insurable interest' ie you are at a financial loss on their death. Technically you may require their consent.
Not to say you can't actually get a policy if you ask but on pay out the insurer may reject the claim as invalid. Not sure if the rules are more relaxed but in the past technically co-habiting couples couldn't insure each other other than for joint expenses (mortgage etc).

If it was a joint policy then she ought simply to have cancelled it and taken out a new one, perhaps there's a problem with the rates on a new policy and she thinks this is cheaper.

BarberQueue · 11/08/2021 10:18

Yes, you are completely overthinking this OP. I really don't see why you are upset about this. The only impact this has on you financially is a possible future benefit if she should die. There are no negatives for you. You and your DP simply need to set up your own life assurance and also sort your wills out ASAP.

TellingBone · 11/08/2021 10:21

This doesn't make sense. You can only have a policy with someone if their death would impact you financially. If she's taken it over for herself then your OH should have been removed and any payout would surely be part of her estate?

TellingBone · 11/08/2021 10:22

Also why was a solicitor involved in their split and their insurance matters? They weren't married?

saraclara · 11/08/2021 10:26

@TellingBone

Also why was a solicitor involved in their split and their insurance matters? They weren't married?
I guess they had a mortgage?