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Relationships

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Original poster

Dp seems still married to his ex

104 replies

Whatchoo · 06/08/2021 23:49

Dp married young and had 3 kids before he was 30.

They’ve now been divorced more than 10 years now but he’s still heavily involved with his ex’s family and friends.

Whilst I accept that he’ll always be connected to his ex’s family and friends, AIBU to think that if he’s serious about a new relationship with me, that he needs to put us first? For example I recently had an emergency medical situation and called him from A&E but he wasn’t able to come to hospital because he was busy helping his ex SIL to move into her new flat and he didn’t want to let her down.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 06/08/2021 23:52

I mean this as gently as possible, but take the blinders off. You aren't even 4th place on his list of priorities. His fucking EX SIL comes before you.

Throw him back and move on.

QueenBee52 · 07/08/2021 02:07

Bin him 🌸

PerciphonePuma · 07/08/2021 02:17

Sorry but I agree with PP. I actually initially thought you were BU and were expecting to come before his kids but then read that he put his ex SIL before you!! What the fuck?!

RUN

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/08/2021 02:19

Throw him back in the sea.

Torvean · 07/08/2021 02:27

I think it's nice that famies can still get along. It's much better for the kids.

Did you really need him at A&E?

What if he was the only one able to help his ex SIL to move?

jimmyjammy001 · 07/08/2021 02:36

You are way way way down on the priority list I'm afraid and it will never change when someone else has children and you don't, you will never be number one, that is part and parcel of dating someone with children, sorry to be so blunt but you are being unrealistic to expect him to prioritise you

ShippingNews · 07/08/2021 03:20

It's not a given that people remain heavily involved with their ex and family/ friends after the divorce. He sounds far too invested in them and their welfare. I'd move on - he just isn't seeing you as a priority .

PersonaNonGarter · 07/08/2021 03:56

Bizarre. Sorry, move on.

Sporadica · 07/08/2021 04:14

I wouldn't necessarily say that he's acting like he's still married. Maybe he considers these people (including ex-SIL) as friends and/or extended family because they're his children's family. Would you be as annoyed if you'd called him from A&E and he'd refused to come because he was helping a friend or colleague or neighbour move? Were you clear with him that it was an emergency and you needed him and he still said no? If so, that would be the dealbreaker for me.

seensome · 07/08/2021 04:24

It's in times of need you find out who's truly there for you, you expect a partner to be with you in a medical emergency over sil's house move, I would assume she had more than one person helping anyway even so at very least he should of offered to come and collect you as soon as possible.

category12 · 07/08/2021 06:05

Did you really need him at A&E?

What if he was the only one able to help his ex SIL to move?

JulesCobb · 07/08/2021 06:11

@category12

Did you really need him at A&E?

What if he was the only one able to help his ex SIL to move?

Quite. Imagine assuming a person in a&e is less in need that someone wanting boxes carrying. Men really can do no wrong to some people.

LemonViolet · 07/08/2021 06:19

Would he even have been allowed in A&E at the moment? I’ve been a few times with minor injuries during Covid, the last around 2 months ago and you weren’t allowed to have anyone with you, it was patients only. An extremely distressed pregnant woman in the queue in front of me was having a loud argument with the receptionist about it as she felt she needed her sister to stay to support her but the receptionist was saying rules and rules. Anyway - DP didn’t come in with me, and I drove myself as it was a minor injury just needed a few stitches and he had to go to work.

How long have you been dating? Is this really a “DP” situation or are you expecting someone you’ve just met a handful of times to be dropping everything for you?

SpeakingFranglais · 07/08/2021 06:21

Ok, so this is a NEW relationship, yes? What was the medical emergency and why did you need him to be there if it is a new relationship?.

Where were your close friends and family, those you have a long standing relationship with already?

Are there any other examples?

Did you just want him to keep you company in A&E for six hours and he had a previous arrangement to help with the house move?

It sounds like there may be another side to this.

Whinginadeville · 07/08/2021 06:24

You are so not being unreasonable bin him and find someone who'll make you a priority

OrchestraOfWankery · 07/08/2021 07:13

@SpeakingFranglais

Ok, so this is a NEW relationship, yes? What was the medical emergency and why did you need him to be there if it is a new relationship?.

Where were your close friends and family, those you have a long standing relationship with already?

Are there any other examples?

Did you just want him to keep you company in A&E for six hours and he had a previous arrangement to help with the house move?

It sounds like there may be another side to this.

Yes more info needed. Having said that, his enmeshment with his ex's family doesn't bode well for your relationship.

User135792468 · 07/08/2021 07:18

Nobody is allowed someone with them in a&E or hospital at the minute unless it’s extremely serious or end of life care. There is nothing he could have done for you. I feel like you knew he was moving his ex sil so when you went to hospital, decided to use this to “test” him. If this isn’t the case, what did you want him to do with you in a&e?

userxx · 07/08/2021 07:19

@Torvean

I think it's nice that famies can still get along. It's much better for the kids.

Did you really need him at A&E?

What if he was the only one able to help his ex SIL to move?

Errrmmmm

LolaSmiles · 07/08/2021 07:23

SpeakingFranglais
I agree, more information is needed.

I'm surprised hospitals are allowing visitors to sit with someone in A&E. My local hospital isn't allowing visitors in A&E. It's one parent accompanying a child only and an adult only has someone with them if there is a need.

MichelleScarn · 07/08/2021 07:24

@User135792468

This, was he helping as in driving the van, any aspect in moving and not being out at the agreed time can have financial consequences.

ZenNudist · 07/08/2021 07:26

More info needed. How new a relationship. More examples needed. If he was needed to lift and drive it would have been really shitty to drop them in it. Was it serious and life threatening? If he's just a boyfriend couldn't you have got one of your established friends or family members to join you? As others have said, was it even permitted to have others in a&e because went to hospital last week and signs said patients only.

Standrewsschool · 07/08/2021 07:29

How long have you been together? Was he already with sil when you called? Did you want him to take you to a and e, or were you already there?

girlmom21 · 07/08/2021 07:41

Is it a new relationship or is he your DP?

Did you really need him at the hospital? Could he really have done anything to help or is it better that he fulfilled his promise to
SIL so that he could be there when you needed him when you were discharged?

StoneColdBitch · 07/08/2021 08:54

There's a big difference between a man appropriately prioritising his children, and remaining cordial with his ex as part of that, and a man who is still enmeshed with his ex's wider family to the extent that he helps his ex-SIL move house. Dump this loser and find someone who is emotionally available to commit to you.

NailsNeedDoing · 07/08/2021 09:02

Hard to comment on whether or not he was put of order not coming to the hospital without knowing exactly how serious your medical emergency was, or how long you have been seeing each other.

If he’s been heavily involved with this family for most of his adult life, then he would be stupid to ditch his relationship with them for a new girlfriend who might not last. And anyway, if a new partner genuinely wants the best for him and his children, then they won’t expect him to let down his family.

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