I’ve never had any of these things and I feel like my life is over

[Treewu]

Never bought a place with someone
Never been engaged
Never been married
Never had a hen do
Never had a proper anniversary
Never had a wedding
Never had a family

I would have been happy with just one of these things. Everyone around me, school friends, colleagues, uni friends, family members… everyone has at least one of these experiences.

I’ve done ok for myself. I like my job mostly and I have lots of friends. I can be fun and supportive and strong. I have fun hobbies. But honestly? I feel empty inside every day because the things I wanted most, the things I cared about most, none of it happened. Nothing fills that gap. I’m so sad about it. Just needed to post to let it out. Struggle to share this with anyone IRL.

@Dervel the last (significant) person I was with for a year I really loved. We lived 50 miles apart but motorway job so not a huge issue. I raised moving in together, he was reluctant so I ended it. This was four years ago. Did I get this wrong? Should I I have been more patient? He was 39 so a few years older than me at the time and I just couldn’t work out why he didn’t seem interested in the idea. Maybe I was pushy.

Treewu

What is stopping you having the adult companionship just later down the road
Although friend and her partner planned a baby. When she got pregnant he decided he wasn’t ready to be a father.
She decided that for her it was now or never and kept the baby although she had misgivings about being a single mum.
Her ex wanted her to abort. She had wanted to do the whole relationship first then children but at the time it looked like it wasn’t going to work out that way.
She met her now Dh whilst in the waiting room at her local maternity hospital.
They are now married and have another child

No one can predict the future. All you can do is go after what is achievable now snd hope everything else falls into place later

One thing that sticks out is

Oddly I seem to get dates and second dates etc. I rarely feel anything

Isn’t this the norm after 2 dates.
As long as you don’t feel you are with a complete a**hole isn’t it about giving it time to see where things go.

@Treewu honestly forget about worrying about being pushy, if a guy wants the same thing as you
we’ll fall into line.

I appreciate its complex, you need the spark, the chemistry, shared values, and be in the right time of your life simultaneously, and it can be very heartbreaking when everything else aligns and the last one doesn’t.

What concerns me about situations like yours is that it’s obvious that part of you has gone away and drawn the conclusion that either you aren’t somehow worthy of such things or that they simply won’t/can’t happen for you. The reality is most probably a million miles away from that.

If anything being pushy will scare off and keep brief connections that won’t ultimately serve you. Being in this mindset of “hopefully he’ll change”, is probably the biggest mistake a woman can make when it comes to dating.

If anything given our relative biological divergences/ pressures, a woman’s schedule on things like kids should take precedence not the other way around!

Have you thought about freezing eggs? That way you can have kids later. Fertility doesn't actually drop till 40 (I heard a fertility research medic talking about this) but even then pregnancy is very common in the early 40s (in fact it is the growth area for abortions as women hear all this stuff about fertility falling off a cliff edge at 40 and get careless with contraception). But you may wish to have the option of eggs for IVF.