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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Needing “space”

101 replies

Aaaalltheboys · 03/08/2021 23:36

My boyfriend wants “space” for 4 days to consider whether he wants to be in a relationship with me or not. I have asked him not to string this out if he has already made his mind up. He assures me he hasn’t and just needs “space”. I am finding this painful and difficult and am in a lose lose position as he has made it clear he doesn’t want to hear from me in any form over these days. Is space something some people just need? I am not of that ilk so struggling to understand it.

OP posts:
Scornedwoman67 · 03/08/2021 23:39

From my experience I'm afraid it sounds like he's letting you down by taking the cowards way out. How long have you been together?
Don't allow him to control you like this. If it were me he'd be blocked, deleted & consigned to history.

atlastifoundit · 03/08/2021 23:39

And what do you want? Do you want to be in a relationship with him any more?

Original poster
Aaaalltheboys · 03/08/2021 23:43

6 months. Everything was fine a few days ago. It seems to have changed really quickly but he insists that he wants to try to make it work, but wants these days to himself first? I am completely torn. I think the right thing for my self respect is just to end it, but relationships aren’t all point scoring and if he genuinely is just someone who needs space then I should respect that?

OP posts:
lilmishap · 03/08/2021 23:45

Four days is suspiciously specific.

Umberellatheweatha · 03/08/2021 23:55

@lilmishap

Four days is suspiciously specific.
Yup. Sounds like he wants a few days to check out other women whilst 'on a break'.

Either way, someone wants to be with you or they don't, this dick is just fannying you about. Relationships really are not that complicated if you are eoth the tight person. Someone that feels the need to add drama to them like this...they are not a keeper.

Umberellatheweatha · 03/08/2021 23:55

*with the right person

Scornedwoman67 · 03/08/2021 23:57

6 months is not long. You should still be in the heady days of a new relationship. I agree that four days is very specific. Don't let yourself be walked over. I'd be very suspicious. I hope it works out in your best interests OP

B1rdflyinghigh · 03/08/2021 23:57

Men who really like you, dont do this. Block him. Sod his 4 days, you deserve so much better.

Dragonmead · 03/08/2021 23:57

Just dump him. Otherwise you'll likely be tying yourself in knots trying to please him to try and stop him pulling this kind of shit over and over again.

MorriseysGladioli · 03/08/2021 23:59

I'm cynical enough to think he has something going on for 4 days.
I like my space, in fact I have to have it, but I don't behave like this.

DontDoThatGeorge · 04/08/2021 00:03

6 months? Fuck that.

Give him all the space he wants, forever 🚮

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2021 00:07

6 months?! FFS he is taking you for a fool. Block him and move on because he already has.

Anordinarymum · 04/08/2021 00:09

@Aaaalltheboys

My boyfriend wants “space” for 4 days to consider whether he wants to be in a relationship with me or not. I have asked him not to string this out if he has already made his mind up. He assures me he hasn’t and just needs “space”. I am finding this painful and difficult and am in a lose lose position as he has made it clear he doesn’t want to hear from me in any form over these days. Is space something some people just need? I am not of that ilk so struggling to understand it.
Which four days does he want OP and why four and not three or five?

I would be awfully suss over this after just six months !

ActonSquirrel · 04/08/2021 00:10

So what happens next time there is an issue? Another break?!

You know what I would do, ghost him entirely. Never reply to another message of his again.

Just leave him wondering what the eff happened.

QueenBee52 · 04/08/2021 00:10

Dump Block and Rock onto happiness with someone worthy 🌸

YukoandHiro · 04/08/2021 00:12

If he decides to come back after the 4 days things won't be the same again - he will have undermined your view of who you thought he was.
Bin him and move on to a nicer guy who knows how he feels about you.

SeaShoreGalore · 04/08/2021 00:12

Would be so tempting to just block him - Don't even do him the satisfaction of ending it for him. If he dumps you your regret not blocking him, and if he doesn't you'll always be walking on eggshells.

ActonSquirrel · 04/08/2021 00:13

I agree don't block. You didn't even care enough about him to do that!!!

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 04/08/2021 00:14

End it yourself. You deserve more. Do not be dangled like this.

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 04/08/2021 00:17

Excellent, four days should be enough time to pack up his shit and remove him from your life. He is absolutely "checking" to see if he wouldn't be happier with some other woman 😡

billy1966 · 04/08/2021 01:18

If you have an ounce of self respect you will tell him not to worry, YOU are done, decision made.

If you accept this bullshit you will have made a tit of yourself and he knows it.

It's over.
Hang on to your dignity.

Anything else and you are being humiliated.

Don't give him the satisfaction of being upset.
Flowers

lastcall · 04/08/2021 01:28

Long weekend with someone else?

Sounds suspiciously specific in terms of time, OP... I'm sorry.

Shelddd · 04/08/2021 01:36

Yeah I agree with everyone it's really weird. Honestly surprised he hasn't just said he is busy for 4 days and won't be in touch... which would be perfectly acceptable for someone to say if you've only been dating 6 months. This whole thing is just weird.

NotWanting · 04/08/2021 01:42

I need space, a lot. I tell my DP i'll be spending a few days alone and not to come over till X day but we still speak every day.

I block this guy. Head held high. You can do better.

Onthedunes · 04/08/2021 01:50

I'd dump him, then literally bombard him over the four days with calls, emails and messages just to ruin his four days.

When he blocks use unknown number, to the point he has to switch his phone off.

That should annoy him.

He needs 4 days space.
You want 4 days to be seriously annoying.

What an arrogant twat.

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