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Original poster

Needing “space”

101 replies

Aaaalltheboys · 03/08/2021 23:36

My boyfriend wants “space” for 4 days to consider whether he wants to be in a relationship with me or not. I have asked him not to string this out if he has already made his mind up. He assures me he hasn’t and just needs “space”. I am finding this painful and difficult and am in a lose lose position as he has made it clear he doesn’t want to hear from me in any form over these days. Is space something some people just need? I am not of that ilk so struggling to understand it.

OP posts:
arcof · 04/08/2021 01:54

Say a breezy ok even if your heart is breaking, then block him and never talk to him again. Don't wait to find out his outcome. Even after the 4 days he decides yeah I want you back, do you want to be with someone so cruel and callous?! I hope not. Take back the control and bin him off, spend the 4 days on the path to not giving a shit anymore.
I think he's probably doing something with someone else for the 4 days (let me guess is it over a weekend) and doesn't want to have to text you/call you/feel bad.

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 04/08/2021 01:56

Put him back on the shelf, as Pp's have said 4 days is so specific, my guess would be meeting up with another woman and keeping you on ice in case it doesn't go to plan 🙄

LtDansleg · 04/08/2021 02:02

This is weird. Your post, plus the replies. At 6 months in it shouldn’t be an issue wanting to spend a few days on your own. What’s the problem with that? Is he feeling suffocated?

LtDansleg · 04/08/2021 02:07

@Onthedunes

I'd dump him, then literally bombard him over the four days with calls, emails and messages just to ruin his four days.

When he blocks use unknown number, to the point he has to switch his phone off.

That should annoy him.

He needs 4 days space.
You want 4 days to be seriously annoying.

What an arrogant twat.

I think you’d be doing him a favour tbh. Imagine the situation from the other perspective. ‘ I’ve started dating this girl, but we’re only 6 months in and already I’m not allowed time to myself. I’ve only asked for 4 days to evaluate our relationship, but she’s decided I’m cheating on her and she’s bombarding with texts, calls and emails’. Absolutely batshit
MsDogLady · 04/08/2021 02:42

It sounds like he’s checking out other options. I wouldn’t tolerate being marginalized like this while he determines my worthiness. Show him the door asap.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 04/08/2021 02:56

Bin him. Block him too.
If he really liked you he wouldn't do this to you.

lilmishap · 04/08/2021 03:12

@Onthedunes

I'd dump him, then literally bombard him over the four days with calls, emails and messages just to ruin his four days.

When he blocks use unknown number, to the point he has to switch his phone off.

That should annoy him.

He needs 4 days space.
You want 4 days to be seriously annoying.

What an arrogant twat.

Absofuckinglutely this.
PurpleSapphire · 04/08/2021 03:25

Sounds very much like he's off with someone else but keeping you around until he's decided. Sorry Flowers

VetInAVat · 04/08/2021 03:30

He's off shagging another woman for a long weekend. Dump, block, move on. Plenty more in the sea.

Original poster
Aaaalltheboys · 04/08/2021 05:49

Thanks. I feel like a massive idiot. He has a huge issue about how suspicious I can be (I’m really not, that just isn’t me!) but I do worry I’m just being gaslighted and I know what advice I would give to a friend. Thank you all, this is helpful.

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 04/08/2021 06:10

This sounds like hard work. You deserve better. If he has doubts this early, get out of the relationship fast. His request is also suspicious like there is someone else in the background

sarahc336 · 04/08/2021 06:15

Think I'd be walking away from him snd finding someone who doesn't need any time to decide if he does or doesn't want to be with me, how bloody cheeky!!!! Xx

girlmom21 · 04/08/2021 06:17

Do you normally spend loads of time together or communicating? At 6 months I assume you don't live together so surely he already has space?

If you do already have a reasonable amount of time apart, I'd bin him off.
If you don't, I'd let him have his 4 days and then re-evaluate how much time you're spending together.

I agree that 4 days specifically is odd.

Original poster
Aaaalltheboys · 04/08/2021 06:21

We see each other maybe twice a week at most. He is away for three of the days visiting family. It all sort of came out of nowhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aaaalltheboys · 04/08/2021 06:23

He actually tried to end things. I said a few things that he wasn’t expecting (he seemed to have the wrong end of the stick about quite a few things) and then the request for space. He said no texting, no calls, nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aaaalltheboys · 04/08/2021 06:25

The only way to regain “control” is to force an outcome that I don’t actually want. I am tying myself in knots over this and of course the only person who can answer all my questions is him.

OP posts:
Dollface20 · 04/08/2021 06:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as we have concerns about its genuineness.

KatherineJaneway · 04/08/2021 06:30

After 6 months I wouldn't accept someone taking a break from me for 4 days. A) it's not been that long and B) I'd assume he didn't want to be contacted for such a specific period as he was with another woman. I'd think he was using me as back up while seeing how things go with her on a long weekend/ break away.

DoodleBelle · 04/08/2021 06:37

Do you want to be with him or do you just want to be in a relationship? Ask yourself why you are tolerating being treated like this. You are not a chore, he should be excited to spend time with you. This guy is not treating you well and you know it. What would your advice be to a friend in this situation?

ALittleBitConfused1 · 04/08/2021 06:38

Life's too short for this shit. 6 months in and wanting space is no biggie but the problem here from my viewpoint is the anxious state you're in, it isn't right. This is the 'he makes me feel amazing' stage. I'd cut my losses, your instincts are telling you something for a reason, listen. If he wants to end it let him. I'd assume it's a permanent break and act accordingly. No one needs this crap this early. Listen to that Seautiful South song, think that's called need a little space, it's great.

Luddite26 · 04/08/2021 06:40

I am a bit of an old bird so your post made me think of the Beautiful South song A little Time.
If he has something planned he should be honest with you.
You don't see him that much for him to need space.
If anybody ever told me they needed space from me i would give them all the space in the world forever.
I hope you don't let him get away with this. Block him out of your life and forget him. Don't waste any more of your precious time.

Original poster
Aaaalltheboys · 04/08/2021 06:49

I really fell hard for him. On Saturday we were planning trips and holidays so I just don’t understand. He is someone I know through work so whatever happens I need to come out of this with dignity and with him on-side. I can’t work out how to do that but I think I should insist on a face to face meeting when I see him as it is easier to be kind in person. And grit my teeth not to fall apart in front of him.

OP posts:
Kokosrieksts · 04/08/2021 06:52

This is not looking good. 6 months should be head over heels. I’d cut my losses, block his number and go away myself for a little treat with friends to keep busy.

girlmom21 · 04/08/2021 06:54

If he was going to end it let him end it.

Raxer26A · 04/08/2021 06:58

I'd dump him, then literally bombard him over the four days with calls, emails and messages just to ruin his four days.

When he blocks use unknown number, to the point he has to switch his phone off.

That should annoy him.

He needs 4 days space.
You want 4 days to be seriously annoying.

What an arrogant twat.

What bonkers advice , who would seriously think this is a good idea.

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