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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My Boyfriend Drinks too much, We Don't Have Enough Money.

152 replies

CharlieG1 · 03/08/2021 01:37

I've been with him for just over a year. We met online and he lives hour and a half away from me. We are both 20. I've always known that he drinks most nights, but it's just getting too much now. We are staying at my parents house together for a few weeks and my parents are starting to notice that he drinks every night. We have no money, none of my clothes fit me anymore, and I can't buy any. There's other inexpensive things I want, but I can't have because I know I need to keep the moneu because we always end up with none. I borrow money from my parents and it ends up getting wasted on drink. Its also making me ill, I find it difficult not to drink when other people around me are drinking. I just don't know what to do, when I try and talk to him about it, he gets sad and says he needs it to sleep. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 03/08/2021 07:33

Why are you with him?

Nonmaquillee · 03/08/2021 07:33

@Ragwort

Why on earth are your parents enabling this, I have a 20 year old DS, I would be appalled if he lived like this and 'dossed' between his GF's home and our's - doing nothing but drinking. Kick him out and get yourself some self esteem.

Totally agree with this. Hell would freeze over before I allowed any of my children to behave in this way.

spotcheck · 03/08/2021 07:35

@CharlieG1

I don't nessicarily give him money, we've just got into the habit of sharing our money

Ooooooh That is rarely a good idea if the other person sees drink as an essential. Wouldn't you rather be doing fun things with your time and money? Tying yourself to someone who has an unhealthy attitude to drink will only ever pull you down

Bagelsandbrie · 03/08/2021 07:37

Good God why are you wasting the best years of your life on this utter loser?

Get rid. Work on improving your own life - work if you can, study, travel, meet new people.

Notnowkate · 03/08/2021 07:37

Tell him your money needs to go on housekeeping when you are staying with your parents. See if he still wants to stay there.

Hekatestorch · 03/08/2021 07:43

He has a drink problem. You, potentially, also have a drink problem. If not now, then you will have.

You find it hard to not drink if he is drinking You are spending vast amounts of money on it. To the point you can't afford clothes or anything else really. You borrow money, to spend on drink. That's all problem drinking.

I have no idea what the issues are that are stopping you both working or studying. But its not going to get better, while you two are together encouraging eachothers drinking. When you get into work, how will you get up get up work each day?

Will you be happy sharing all your money while, he spends it all on alcohol? And still being skint? How are you going to not drink, because you need to get up for work the next day.

Either you will end up quitting and staying at home drinking, working and letting him drink all your money or you will getvinto work and realise that this isn't good and dump him.

Breaking up with him now and focusing on getting yourself sorted, would be a much better idea.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2021 07:43

God op, the two of you are twenty, you spend your days bumming round each other’s parents houses, scrounging money and sitting getting pissed every night. Even if your parents were ok with it, is this really how you want to live? Skint, homeless, over weight, can’t afford clothes, just being a pair of bored drunken wasters?

It’s not long before both sets of parents tell you both to do one. You need to end this relationship and focus on getting healthy, getting into work, and being happy. For both your sakes. Your future self will thank you. Otherwise you’re going to look back one day and wonder what the hell you were thinking.

I’m sure he’s a lovely guy and right now you likely think you’re in love and being so grown up. But you’re not, you’re both in a mess, it’s time to turn the page.

DinosaurDiana · 03/08/2021 07:45

Dump him, he is dragging you down.
Move on to a better life, you can’t change him.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/08/2021 07:47

Break up. It's sad but necessary for your well-being.

Nonmaquillee · 03/08/2021 07:50

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Break up. It's sad but necessary for your well-being.

It’s not sad - it’s potentially very liberating for the OP. Her current way of life is what’s sad.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/08/2021 07:51

Sure, but she will feel sad. Pointless not to acknowledge that.

OhDear2200 · 03/08/2021 07:51

Really? You have ‘problems’ that stop you working and you think drinking every night is going to help that?

Seriously have some self respect, get rid of him and get your shit together.

Don’t get stuck with this man for the rest of your life

OhDear2200 · 03/08/2021 07:52

Listen to the wise women of MN

4togonow · 03/08/2021 07:53

No wonder your parents are commenting. Who would approve of that as a lifestyle at the age of 20?

You say you have reasons for not working, what about studying/college? Are you able to do that? Make some plans for September.

NoNotYou · 03/08/2021 07:56

You met online where he groomed you for a relationship. It's all you have known so this is not your fault. Please don't make it a benchmark for other relationships, and maybe talk to your parents as the can help you extricate yourself from the drinking spiral. How much money would you say you spend on drink every day?

LIZS · 03/08/2021 08:02

Dump him, get help for your drinking and issues. You do not have to join him in drinking away whatever income you have, it is a choice. The relationship is dysfunctional and destructive so you will never be happy together.

heyday · 03/08/2021 08:04

You are both on the slippery downwards path. There is only one person who can make your life better and that is YOU. If you can't just stop seeing him then both go back to your own homes and then see him less and less until it is so much easier to just totally phase him out of your life. If you don't then your life will spiral out of control and you could eventually end up homeless and living on the streets. It's your life, your future and now its your chance to stop this madness and get your life back on track....do it, before he totally destroys your life.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/08/2021 08:09

You are only 20. Dump hm and find a nicer boyfriend who won't drag you down.

DoItAfraid · 03/08/2021 08:10

Just to echo what a previous poster said:

Your bf has an alcohol problem.

You are on a path to the same. Alcohol is an insidiously addictive substance - drinking every day is building up your tolerance and will create dependency.

You need to nip this in the bud NOW. Ask your parents to help you.

Search my posting history and read about my experiences - i was teetotal at 24, couldnt drink more than 1 drink on a night out at 30 and ended up in rehab at 40.

Dont do this to yourself. Make better choices than I did.

TillyTopper · 03/08/2021 08:11

Please get out of this relationship and leave him for your own good. He won't magically stop drinking, it'll just get worse. You need to look after you!

Nonmaquillee · 03/08/2021 08:18

@ApolloandDaphne

You are only 20. Dump hm and find a nicer boyfriend who won't drag you down.

No, don’t even bother with a boyfriend.

Focus on yourself. Get some training and qualifications. Make a life for yourself.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2021 08:25

@NoNotYou

For goodness sake, they are both twenty, nineteen when they met, what’s the obsession with grooming on here, and absolving women of their life style choices.

Fireflygal · 03/08/2021 08:51

Alcohol is a depressive so he will just feel low after drinking.

You need to break the cycle as this isn't a healthy relationship.

SmileyClare · 03/08/2021 09:02

You're both unemployed? Are you on universal credit? I assume you have separate claims?

You're not sharing your money. He's taking your benefit money to pay for his alcohol. He really doesn't care about you if he's doing this.

Alfiemoon1 · 03/08/2021 09:10

Dump him

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