Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner calls me 10 times a day or more

117 replies

TakeTimeForU · 31/07/2021 17:27

Finding it really irritating. We don’t live together. I don’t feel the need to speak every hour or so. It’s time consuming and draining. I work from home half the week but he thinks I can answer the phone all day long. If need space. Is this normal ? Been together a while and I have just gone along with it. Now I’ve realised why I need space from him every so often. Is this call pattern normal ?

OP posts:
freelions · 31/07/2021 17:29

That would drive me mad

Someone being that needy would be a red flag for me

SleepingStandingUp · 31/07/2021 17:30

No, but if you've gone along with it seemingly happily he'll think it is. Have you told him? What happens of you dont answer? X

Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2021 17:31

This is absolutely not normal, and I can't think of anyone I know, including myself, who would tolerate it. It's suffocating, fgs. Why have you not told him clearly to stop doing this?

Original poster
TakeTimeForU · 31/07/2021 17:31

He ring a again around half hour later. If I don’t pick up again when we finally talk he says he was worried. I’m drained. Yh I agree I’ve Gona along with it for a while. I need to tell him

OP posts:
Original poster
TakeTimeForU · 31/07/2021 17:32

I haven’t said anything before because he’s been cheated on before so I just thought it’s all part of him being insecure.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2021 17:32

Tell him right now. His response will tell you everything you need to know about him. I would be ditching him anyway because this is a huge red flag.

SummerWhisper · 31/07/2021 17:32

If you haven't told him to ease up, then you need to. If you have told him, then he's letting you know that your needs do not matter and he will behave towards you how he wishes. If it's the latter, you need to get rid.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2021 17:33

@TakeTimeForU

I haven’t said anything before because he’s been cheated on before so I just thought it’s all part of him being insecure.
Ok, but why would you tolerate that insecurity? You aren't the one who cheated on him. You need to stop being a doormat and start making firm boundaries.
CeeceeBloomingdale · 31/07/2021 17:34

@TakeTimeForU

He ring a again around half hour later. If I don’t pick up again when we finally talk he says he was worried. I’m drained. Yh I agree I’ve Gona along with it for a while. I need to tell him
Ignore the call, then text “busy” so he can’t use the worried excuse
Original poster
TakeTimeForU · 31/07/2021 17:36

Yes I agree. It’s really unattractive. At first I thought it was quite sweet but now he’s draining me.

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 31/07/2021 17:37

Oh that old "worried" bullshit.

No it's not normal, or necessary, but it is suffocating and bloody irritating.

Soberanne · 31/07/2021 17:40

Not normal at all. Tell him and wait for his reaction. If he continues its a fed flag. I would also start ignoring his calls or tell him not to call till a certain time.

atlastifoundit · 31/07/2021 17:40

Oh crikey, don't stand for that nonsense. He has massive trust issues and it isn't going to get better.

The faux concerned 'I was worried about you' is utter cobblers and is passing the buck onto you, and making you responsible for his feelings and actions.

I'd dump him if I were you.

atlastifoundit · 31/07/2021 17:43

Have you tried a text - 'I am working, so please stop interrupting me'?

BackforGood · 31/07/2021 17:47

Not normal in my world.

Though you've sort of made it more 'acceptable' by going along with it.

I would make it clear that from now on, you will not answer during your work hours because you are...... working. Then stick to it.

then, I'd have to tackle it at all other points. I'd have to make it clear I do NOT appreciate being interrupted every hour.

In truth though, I'm not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with someone who thought this was normal. We clearly wouldn't be compatible.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/07/2021 17:47

End this relationship before he further starts controlling you like he is now. There is no happy future for you in this relationship.

HollowTalk · 31/07/2021 17:50

That would drive me demented. It would be very interesting to hear from his ex's point of view.

pitterpatterrain · 31/07/2021 17:51

Wow, from my POV completely weird. Aren’t you just busy? How do you get anything done?

Honestly would be putting onto do not disturb

Wjevtvha · 31/07/2021 17:53

No not normal. Before DH and I moved in together we’d talk briefly before work, after for a bit longer and in between the odd text and a goodnight text. What do you even talk about?

OrchestraOfWankery · 31/07/2021 17:57

@AttilaTheMeerkat

End this relationship before he further starts controlling you like he is now. There is no happy future for you in this relationship.
My view too. We know how this scenario plays out.
SeaShoreGalore · 31/07/2021 17:58

Have you tried asking what he's worried about? Worried you're fucking someone else at 2pm on a workday?

girlmom21 · 31/07/2021 17:58

I'm exhausted just thinking about speaking to my OH on the phone 10 times a day!

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 31/07/2021 17:59

How long have you been together and how long has this been going on?

Sounds suffocating.

Spudina · 31/07/2021 18:02

Its controlling. Needs to know where you are at times and this “I was worried” is bullocks. You need to have a word. Better yet, dump him. It will only get worse.

unfortunateevents · 31/07/2021 18:02

How many times has he called you today? What the heck does he find to talk about that often?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread