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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner calls me 10 times a day or more

117 replies

TakeTimeForU · 31/07/2021 17:27

Finding it really irritating. We don’t live together. I don’t feel the need to speak every hour or so. It’s time consuming and draining. I work from home half the week but he thinks I can answer the phone all day long. If need space. Is this normal ? Been together a while and I have just gone along with it. Now I’ve realised why I need space from him every so often. Is this call pattern normal ?

OP posts:

Frauhubert · 31/07/2021 18:02

My ex used to call me ONCE a day and i found that totally draining, so i have no idea how you put up with 10 calls a day

mintylovely · 31/07/2021 18:03

I'm seeing a whole parade of red flags. Lucky you not to be living with him or married to him. Hideous insidious controlling shit you do not need to live a happy life.
Think of being with someone that when you see them call you've got butterflies and are excited about picking up.

Original poster

TakeTimeForU · 31/07/2021 18:08

Been together about 2 years. Long time to put up with this I know. It’s my fault for not saying something sooner. It’s like I never get a chance to miss him because he just wants to talk about everything and anything. It’s tiring. I’m quite happy in my own company and deep down know we would split up pretty quickly if I moved in with him

OP posts:

Original poster

TakeTimeForU · 31/07/2021 18:10

He gets more clingy when sex is less. I’m fed up of him tbh at the moment

OP posts:

Wavypurple · 31/07/2021 18:12

He’s keeping tabs on you. Always needing to know that you’re not with someone else. Always needing to know exactly where you are and what you’re doing. This sounds dramatic I know but it would actually scare me.

Chish · 31/07/2021 18:14

From a mental health perspective and as a person with GAD, I understand why he does it as i am the same with my husband.

It is annoying, consuming, irritating and downright needy but to the person making the calls and worrying: it's debilitating, terrifying and
oh so horrible.

I only speak for myself as a person with mental health issues but it is very difficult.

Have a chat. Find out what's going on.

loveyourself2020 · 31/07/2021 18:16

Do not continue this relationship.

beigebrownblue · 31/07/2021 18:17

Yes, it would scare me too. Lots of people have anxiety issues and they wouldn't dream of doing this.

Massive red flag. Get rid.

SpikedTea · 31/07/2021 18:24

Play him at his own game and call constantly. Like 20 x a day. See how he likes it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/07/2021 18:27

@TakeTimeForU

I haven’t said anything before because he’s been cheated on before so I just thought it’s all part of him being insecure.

I'll PayPal you fifty quid if that's true and not all in his head because of something his last victim girlfriend went to get a smear test done or made eye contact with a bloke behind the counter at the corner shop when buying two pints of milk and a loaf of bread.

Bin the leech. Your life will improve instantly. Naturally, you'll be accused of doing it because you've met somebody else, but as long as you've dumped him, he won't be making you feel hunted and dreading the next time the phone bleeps.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 31/07/2021 18:34

Ugh
This is controlling behaviour. If you tell him to stop he'll either get angry or he'll switch to some other type of control. Really not worth wasting your breath trying to change him.

doomed22 · 31/07/2021 18:59

NOT NORMAL AT ALL.
My husband calls once a day while he’s at work i and I find that annoying !

Tanfastic · 31/07/2021 19:03

I used to know someone like this, he was really possessive and her phone would ring constantly all day at work and the conversation was so fucking boring.

It would irritate the shit out of me. How the hell have you put up with it all this time?!

Notmoresugar · 31/07/2021 19:29

Just reading your post makes me feel totally suffocated.
Something's seriously wrong with him.
How on earth, or more to the point, do you put up with this shit!!??

MrsPsmalls · 31/07/2021 19:34

This would drive me bonkers. Make it stop

vodkaredbullgirl · 31/07/2021 19:34

Dump him.

Cherrysoup · 31/07/2021 19:39

Sounds like the relationship is coming to a natural end-you’re getting the ick. 10 times a day is hugely insecure/controlling-you choose. I could not tolerate this.

DramaAlpaca · 31/07/2021 19:42

I couldn't be doing with that, it would drive me nuts.

TheFoundations · 31/07/2021 19:43

@SpikedTea

Play him at his own game and call constantly. Like 20 x a day. See how he likes it.

Very unhealthy suggestion and not a good way for OP to respond to this.

OP, the major concern here is that you've had to come to a forum to check it's ok to have your own feelings about this.

There's no such thing as 'normal'. Some couples are on the phone every 5 minutes, and are happy. Some couples don't speak for days and would find anything more too clingy. Many issues like this come from the fact that people think there's some external locus of evaluation; there isn't. There are no rules. You prefer what you prefer. You state your preferences to people, and if they make you feel that your preferences are odd or wrong, you find new people.

You don't try to work out whether you are wrong to have your feelings. We can't change our feelings anyway, otherwise we'd all choose to hate fatty foods, and we'd all fall in love with whoever we chose to.

1forAll74 · 31/07/2021 19:53

I couldn't be doing with this, although lots of people seem to have to do this manic texting and phone calls to each other, all day long.. It's like an addiction for some people.

minniemouseshouses · 31/07/2021 19:56

Would be a no from me. No matter his intention, it is bugging you. Tell him. Like PP said, his reaction will say a lot. Good luck

user1481840227 · 31/07/2021 19:58

Really not sure why so many are saying that it's not normal.

It definitely is normal for some couples and it's not that uncommon either.
There are also couples who never contact each other during the day...
and then some with a bit of contact during the day.

So there is a mix and all are normal! and all are fine as long as it work for the couple!

girlmom21 · 31/07/2021 20:01

@user1481840227

Really not sure why so many are saying that it's not normal.

It definitely is normal for some couples and it's not that uncommon either.
There are also couples who never contact each other during the day...
and then some with a bit of contact during the day.

So there is a mix and all are normal! and all are fine as long as it work for the couple!

How does any normal, functioning couple have the time to call each other 10 times a day?

What do they have to talk about?

How do they hold down any kind of job?

Why is there a need to converse that much?

freelions · 31/07/2021 20:27

Really not sure why so many are saying that it's not normal. It definitely is normal for some couples and it's not that uncommon either.

It is not 'normal' in the sense that the OP should accept it as an inevitable part of being in a relationship. Would you refer to domestic abuse as 'normal' too because that isn't uncommon either?

Comtesse · 31/07/2021 20:29

@user1481840227 unless they work together I do think it is odd to call 10 times a day sorry.

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