How many here are single, open to meeting someone but not doing OLD?

[TossaCoinToYerWitcher]

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit I've never been asked out or approached by anyone. I must have a resting bitch face. I'm actually very nice! Just useless at small talk and clam up. No idea how to give someone the come on

I'd really like to meet someone but I'm mid 50s now and tried and failed on OLD and meet up groups. I'm always astounded at how people do get together. I've got friends who've been married and divorced twice since I've been single!

I've never understood the height issue. Im 5'5" and would find it odd to date a man over 6'. I couldn't pinch a kiss with someone that high, unless I carried a chair around!

I really struggle finding someone attractive by a photo. I prefer real life, to see them, catch the butterflies. I can't do that whilst swiping.

Plus, whilst on a good salary due to a decent career, the mortgage to my lovely home, in a nice part of the world is paid, not bad looking for almost 50, a size 12-14, quite humourous at times...maybe in my head! The local men aren't quite matching up to what Ive achieved.

The highlight today was, "just want to let you know that you've put 49 as your age, I think you made a mistake...I think you should have put 39". Im also having a glut of 28-38 year olds wanting to meet an older woman...groan.

Im convinced that when the time is right, you just meet the person that you're supposed to be with. In Tescos, at the petrol station...whatever...But I hope it's soon! I've almost bought every type of vibrator going!

I just want to LIVE and not miss out on life because I feel i ought to hang back because I'm single!

Singledom isn't a contagious disease, get out there and mix! If you prefer to lurk around the edges of something then do, be yourself, do what you want whether single or coupled. Relax about it all. Maybe if you're too tense about what's the right thing to do then you end up accidentally repelling people subconsciously? I don't know.

I know that. Been single since 2007. But sometimes, there are things thay are set up to be attended with somebody. It's harder to go places on your own. Not impossible but it does require a little more bravery obviously. Im working on it.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn Wow! that really is expensive! It's a real shame I think.

Makes me want to set up my own business. I think it would be great fun!

I know so many single people but I just think it's so much harder when you are older and not quite so carefree and easy to please as you might be in your 20s .

It is hard to go places on your own sometimes. I do it all the time, I have little choice, but there's no denying that you can look a bit weird going to some attractions/events alone. This weekend I went to a bird garden type place with walks and a little zoo, and I was the only person there not with kids in tow. Obviously there's nothing stopping single people from going to these places without a partner or family but occasionally I don't feel equal to the task of enduring the questioning glances - and I do get them, believe me.

I've tried OLD but I hated it.

So, that limits my options to date.

Me !! I am on Tinder but very rarely look at it. I absolutely hate OLD because it's such an artificial way to meet someone imo and when I have met anyone that way they turn out to be idiots.

Like previous posters have said, it really does limit how you can meet people though which is very annoying.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn I never get approached either, never have, don't know why.

Years ago I did offer my number to a man while out (we'd been chatting in a group) and he just said nah you're ok and made me feel like an idiot so I've never done it again.

I've never been approached either.

I think if I cant get interest in RL, then I've got no hope in the hell that is OLD.

[quote MagentaGreen]**@AmberIsACertainty* wow I don't think it's that at all! I think the whole OLD environment is toxic. I'm mid-30s, earn six figures, am slim, tall, have my own house. Yes I have two small kids who I am raising, but I find OLD totally toxic. I don't think it's about how you look, it's that the whole setup encourages very shitty behaviour from people: treating people as objects. The opposite of what I'm teaching my children so I won't engage in it. It isn't about looks, I think too many people there treat all* people on there as objects so nobody who is averse to that wants to be part of it. So we disengage and become single forever. [/quote]
Agree with all of this. OLD is dehumanising. I've been single for 3 years. Signed up to match last year. Had a little nosey around and then wtf am I doing and never bothered again.

I used pof in my 20s and that was bad enough. A decade and 2 children later, I've realised OLD is not for me.

My chances of meeting new people are slim though. Sigh.

Also, I love to go out to dinner with my friends so when I have child-free time I would pick that over an awkward date with a stranger who may well turn out to be annoying/ boring/ have no sense of humour/ have misled me about various things/ be only interested in sex etc.

If I met a real person and an attraction to them was there I would be prepared to gamble my precious free time on getting to know them. Especially if they had shown the level of interest to approach me and start a decent conversation and then ask me out. I'm not going to choose time with someone random based on a couple of photos over time with my friends which I know will be fun. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@ChloeAndRadcliffe

It is hard to go places on your own sometimes. I do it all the time, I have little choice, but there's no denying that you can look a bit weird going to some attractions/events alone. This weekend I went to a bird garden type place with walks and a little zoo, and I was the only person there not with kids in tow. Obviously there's nothing stopping single people from going to these places without a partner or family but occasionally I don't feel equal to the task of enduring the questioning glances - and I do get them, believe me.

I hear you. Like the only stuff you're allowed to enjoy is getting drunk, eating out and going on your phone. That's it. The only reason anyone goes to nature places is to keep the DC quiet for a couple hours. There's no such thing as people who like animals. So clearly you're some kind of freak who's invented imaginary DC or you're looking to steal theirs or something. You can't possibly be enjoying yourself, it's not allowed!

My sister is single and is 38. She did OLD and there was some very odd people on there she met.
Plus as other have said at sort Of 35-40 people either are desperate to start a family or desperate not too.
Her daughter is at sixth form and will be 18 this autumn and she said there's no way she'd start over again it's just not appealing to her but lots of the men she met really wanted that even tho she specifically said doesn't want kids!!

On a break and will review whether I want to use them again (has anyone tried EliteSingles?)

@SpringlikeBunk
You made me curious so I had a look and.... yikes!!

uk.trustpilot.com/review/elitesingles.co.uk

@ChloeAndRadcliffe I don't mind going on holiday on my own , I'd rather that than have no nice holiday ... I've actually been known to pretend I don't speak English just to avoid people who seem to think I'm sad lonely or stood up
Same with the cinema ... over heard someone whispering once about me so I got my phone out and shouted " the films starting in 10 if you don't get your arse in here I'm eating all the popcorn "
Being happily single is far more rewarding than being in a miserable couple

@HmmmmmmInteresting

Lol yes I've seen those its awful!

Not joining anything immediately due to work commitments. Might do eHarmony instead but will investigate thoroughly.

Would say though that every dating site has awful reviews online which are similar even though membership levels are very high, so who knows?

One tip for paid sites if anyone decides to take that leap - set up and sign up with a "prepaid separate card" to your main bank account?

Put whatever the initial money is on it and leave it there. So they can't take any extra money out by auto-renewal.

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher please can I be very nosy and ask whether you hangout on mumsnet because you are a parent, or because you find mostly women chat to be especially intelligent and full of good humour? I am not strictly speaking single and I have never been on OLD but I was reading the thread and it just got me curious.

Are there lots of men on mumsnet? Sorry if that has been asked many times before.

@66babe yes, I do get that, but why is there no middle ground between "happily single" and "miserably coupled up"? Is it not allowed to sometimes feel lonely and wish for a nice relationship? I honestly believe single people are under pressure sometimes to say how happy they are being single, and never admit to feeling a bit shit and lonely, like we're letting the side down or something.

@ChloeAndRadcliffe of course it is ! There's nothing I would like more than to find my soulmate but I'm realistic enough to appreciate it may never happen .. however I'm not going to start knitting in my cardie whilst my 28 cats rub along my tartan slippers , I'm going to try and make the most of myself ... and if I ever lock eyes with someone " interesting " over a frozen fish finger aisle .. I'll see if he has a brother for you? ☺️

@earlynightforme - may I jump in and answer your question from my male perspective please? And I am not a parent either, for context.

The reason I hang out on Mumsnet is yes, exactly that - the conversation is usually much more intelligent, reasoned, less littered with unneccessary expletives, I am unlikely to be addressed as 'bud', 'mate' or, even worse, 'm8' as is often the case on male dominated forums, topics are much more interesting and I can post threads or contribute to those which interest me,(usually gardening, rural living, creative writing or history), without even needing to reveal my sex (or gender, not sure which these days), as it is of no relevance.

And it allows me to have vicarious, virtual friendships with likeminded people, all anonymously.

Sorry, not really pertinent to the topic under discussion😳

I have been single for 4 years and although I am on and off OLD sites I really don't like the bother! I'd much much rather meet someone naturally!!

So for the male posters on here, to turn the OP around: where could women who would be interested in meeting well-adjusted, sane, non-dick-pick-sending, solvent, respectful, decent, funny, kind men who aren't trying to find women half their age or just looking for sex actually meet such men? Where is the mythical place where such men a) hang out; and b) would actually approach us, strike up a decent conversation and ask us out the old fashioned way?

@MagentaPolkadots

So for the male posters on here, to turn the OP around: where could women who would be interested in meeting well-adjusted, sane, non-dick-pick-sending, solvent, respectful, decent, funny, kind men who aren't trying to find women half their age or just looking for sex actually meet such men? Where is the mythical place where such men a) hang out; and b) would actually approach us, strike up a decent conversation and ask us out the old fashioned way?

I think I meet most of that criteria. Obviously it is always hard to generalise but we are probably working, looking after kids and not necessarily out and about much.

On point a- You'd probably catch such men maybe at a group like a running club/running event. Or other such groups.

On point b - I'm not sure as I think it's just not worth the hassle of approaching women in that way unless they are giving a clear sign they want to engage. Probably why many use dating apps despite how annoying they are. Although personally I've vowed to not go back to them for a while and try a more natural way of engaging but I don't think likely. The kind of men I think you're talking about won't typically be pushing themselves forward.

Interesting thread to read! And almost heartening to read that guys have similar worries, re: OLD, to women. I’m 41, divorced and have two kids. The thought of OLD terrifies me, and I am very wary of considering my workplace as a potential place to meet people to date (worked there since I was 18 and don’t want to “shit on my own doorstep”, if that makes sense?). Hypothetically I’d like to find someone one day, but I’m also scared of being hurt again, and being amongst drunk people scares me (XH was/is an alcoholic, and a real Jekyll/Hyde when he was drunk.. It’s why we split), so I tend to avoid clubs/bars (this was the case before COVID, unless I was with friends I trusted).
Funny isn’t it, you’d expect that with age, you get more confident, but I’m not sure that is entirely true. I wouldn’t have thought anything of walking into a bar or asking a guy out for a drink when I was in my 20s. These days, I’d be scared to!
Also, it’s finding the time. I work FT, as an HCP, so when I finish work, I need to be there for my kids (and catch up with housework etc!). Maybe there should be some cool mumsnet Singles corner!