Is anyone genuinely happy in their relationship?

[Maydaybankholiday]

Feeling so sceptical these days about whether couples in long term relationships with young children are actually genuinely happy and fulfilled in life.
Many of my close friends around me who have young kids are having some kind of marriage problems or major issues and they are miserable or just surviving through life.
Then on here its constantly partners porn use, only fans, emotional affairs, and thats the milder compared to the threads about DV, abuse etc.
Losing hope about men.
I left my marriage 2 years ago and today I'm honestly feeling like I'll never want to settle down with a man again.
Im so happy just me and my kids and having a guy to date now and again while kids are with their Dad.
Ive no desire for that family unit because thats all I used to dream of and the reality was far different .
Maybe im just being a bit of a sceptic here, can anyone shed any light ?
I can remember the days I used to dream about Saturday trips to IKEA and cosy family nights in and I couldn't be further from that place now!
There's a clip of Cher saying men are like dessert, very enjoyable but definitely not a necessity. I think she was on to something there!

I’m very happy. Me abs my husband are very smug as we’re the only couple we know that don’t seem to have loads of issues!

I would say, if you are happy being single and just casually dating here and there, then do it! There isn't one way to "do" life.

I'm in a very happy, healthy relationship after leaving a stagnant, abusive marriage. I just lucked into it, and I feel like if I end up single again at any point in the future, I won't bother dating again. I'll be an old woman who travels a lot.

@SheABitSpicyToday

I’m very happy. Me abs my husband are very smug as we’re the only couple we know that don’t seem to have loads of issues!

That's great to hear and I hope it's long lasting. But even for you, you agree you and your dh are the minority as you are be aware of proplems that your friends are going through too. So are happy couples a rare find maybe

Me and DH are happy. We have a 19 month old so to say it's always easy wouldn't be true. Overall however we're happy and I wouldn't want to be going through this crazy journey with anyone else.

Most people on here are posting for advice about problems, so you could easily walk away with the false impression that everyone has problems.

People rarely post to say, "I'm blissfully happy and married to the most wonderful man alive". What would they need advice on?

Since you ask, I've been happily married for 15 years and have young kids.

Yup happy here, 20 month old is exhausting (no nurseries no childcare here) and I am often knackered BUT seeing my DH is the high point of the day for me (possibly because he takes the toddler LOL).

Tbh kids can be a massive strain, 1st year of my DD life gave our marriage a right beating but we came out of it with better communication and stronger.

No problems at all, no issues, although we are older, so no young kids/teenagers or money worries to cause ructions!

Second marriages for both of us, and we bought the lessons learned, from our first marriages, into our one, and realise now that talking things through will always beat resentment and arguments.

Tbh if you are happy thats what counts, have your dessert!

Sounds really positive.
I'm definitely not basing my opinion on mn threads just using that as an extra example.
It was just after a few weeks of a good 4-5 friends confiding in me about various things which would definitely be deal breakers for me that got me thinking.
So glad so many are happy in their lives and I genuinely hope this lasts a life time for you all!

I do like a dessert and I will continue to order

We are so happy. Life is tough - we had DD19months who is a delight but full on, DSS 12 who has significant behavioural issues, and DH gave up a well paying career at the height of the pandemic to retrain as a teacher and has taken a 70% pay cut - so there are a lot of stressors that could cause us to struggle. But I've never been happier, and it's clear to see how happy DH is too.
Sometimes I just look at him and think how lucky we are and I'm so thankful how it all turned out (although of course we have our challenges, he complains endlessly I pack the dishwasher wrong and I don't understand why he can't just pack his washing away as soon as it's done 😂)

@Roomonb

Yup happy here, 20 month old is exhausting (no nurseries no childcare here) and I am often knackered BUT seeing my DH is the high point of the day for me (possibly because he takes the toddler LOL).

Tbh kids can be a massive strain, 1st year of my DD life gave our marriage a right beating but we came out of it with better communication and stronger.

Can't agree more. You either come out stronger or they break you - babies add a huge, unexpected stress to your relationship. But we definitely learnt to communicate better and appreciate the things the other person does

nice

DH and I are great together. We've got 3 kids and a lot of work and home commitments. He is my 2nd husband though so I know first hand how crap a marriage can be.
We are by no means perfect, he annoys me when he is untidy, but in the scheme of things that's nothing.

Having young kids is only a short period of your life, although it doesn’t feel like it at the time. We were less happy when DC were smaller, nothing major just the usual competitive tiredness and both feeling stressed and like we had no time to ourselves or just together. However as DC get older and need you less, and you can make more time to spend just the two of you it does get a lot easier. There is a happiness chart that shows happiness levels throughout the different stages of married life and the period with young kids shows a massive downturn.

I would add though, if anything happened to DH I would never entertain another relationship again. I was happily single between marriages and I don't think you have to be in a relationship to be happy.

I am, but we've only been together 4 years so I guess there's plenty of time!!

DH and I were v happy and adored each other right up to his premature death at 36.
He was wonderful with the babies and did more than half of the chores when I was a junior doc working insane hours.
I still love and miss him 30 years later, and never remarried. He was my soulmate.

Babdoc

DH and I in a very happy place right now, 15+ years with primary school aged children. I say happy place because obviously we've had difficult patches, most of which were when we had very young children. We've done a lot of good communicating the last 3 years in particular and I feel we are stronger than ever and on the same page. We were together from a young age so we've grown up together, needed to learn a lot about ourselves and how to operate as a couple.

I would never be so arrogant to say we are sorted for life, people change, life changes adding pressure. But I'm very happy, grateful for the life I have and hopeful for the future I see us having together. My relationship has only ever added to my life, I know this is not the case of many.

We are very happy. We have 3 DC under 8, one is disabled. We have a great life and a fantastic marriage. Our DC are very happy & get along really well.
We have friends who are equally happy and have others who aren’t.

We feel very lucky to be some of the happy ones.

Yes, but we're childfree so I think that takes a lot of the pressure off. Babdoc, we're getting to the age now where I'll sometimes look at DH and think we've only got possibly another 15 - 20 years together (he's a bit older than me), and feel desperate at the thought, then I read a post like yours and give myself a kick up the arse.

I'm not very happy at all. Not been married that long but recently DH has completely withdrawn from me emotionally and I feel very sad and lonely. It seems all he cares about is his work and his hobby.

@Babdoc ♥️

We are very happy. Our children have grown now and we have lots of time for ourselves.
Looking back life can be very tough with young children. Money stress, time poor, childcare issues etc etc all put strain on the relationship. Getting out the other side together has been well worth it though.
Life is much more chilled now, more disposable income, lots of time together. It's bliss!