DP saying he may never want to get married

[Savannah80]

Hi all, just wanted some other people’s perspectives really. I’ve known my DP for 2 years, we’ve been together for a year. We have two DC between us. He co parents with his daughter’s mum 50/50 and I have my son full time. We both live in separate houses that we own. Recently he’s been talking more and more about us living together, specifically me selling my home and me and my son moving in with him - seeing as he has the bigger house. Not straight away, but within the next 12 to 18 months or so. Now I get that moving in together is a logical next step in a relationship, but I had thought we were on the same wavelength re. wanting a relationship to lead to marriage (neither of us have ever been married). I had said when we first met that I wouldn’t want to move in with someone (and uproot my son) without being engaged first or being pretty damn sure that marriage was on the cards. He was going on about moving in together again tonight and I mentioned the future/marriage etc and he said he loves me but ‘doesn’t see the point’ in marriage and ‘it’s just a piece of paper’ and he’s not sure he’d ever propose. Am I wrong in feeling like the thought of selling my home that I love, moving my son, taking on a ‘step parent’ role and the responsibilities of two children for half the week, without the commitment, or even the thought of commitment, seems like a bad idea?! The relationship is otherwise great, but I can’t help feel this could potentially be a huge deal breaker for me, or should I just go with the flow and hope he changes his mind?

There is not a chance I’d ever give up my financial security of my home or my pension for anybody by getting married.
Who knows what his real financial situation is??? For all you know he’s got debts up to his eyeballs.
I’m not very trusting now though and there is no way I’d financially link myself to anyone by marriage.

@Savannah80
You've got your head well and truly screwed on.

You should never liquid your assets.

Being cynical, and having seen so many relationship/financial errors, I would be questioning myself as to why he would want you to do something that could very easily put you in a terrible position?

An acquaintance of mine sold her 4 bed-house and moved in with her DP into his house that needed a lot of work.

You can guess it - she ploughed all of her money into it (HIS house) from the sale of her property and they eventually they split up.

She had to start all over again (in her 50s) at the very bottom of the housing market doing up very crappy one-bed houses.

This sort of fleecing is a tale as old as time. Don't let it be you/your DS's inheritance.

I think you know what to do.
You want to be married. He doesn't.

Hes now backtracked with maybe someday marriage which in reality means nothing.

He thinks he's about to lose your free housekeeping, childcare services, money, and sex on tap.

He's asking you to compromise your values and boundary.
This relationship has run its course.

@YeokensYegg

I think you know what to do. You want to be married. He doesn't.

Hes now backtracked with maybe someday marriage which in reality means nothing.

He thinks he's about to lose your free housekeeping, childcare services, money, and sex on tap.

He's asking you to compromise your values and boundary.
This relationship has run its course.

OP, Let him back tract all he likes, your priority is your son and your hard won financial security.

There are far too many women that accept men giving them the run around emotionally and are screwed financially as a result.

Keep yourself financially separate.

The number of women on MN that bitterly regret joining finances and giving up their financial independences is astounding.

When it comes to protecting yourself, financial independence is numbet one.

As several other posters have also alluded to, he has suggested an arrangement that goes against what is best for you and your son.

Why would your trust a man that would do that?

Thankfully OP knows this and won't give her Home or Financial independence 🌸

It can work without a marriage certificate, but it has to be on both your terms and not just his.

If you want to live together, insist that it's on neutral territory for both of you even if it means renting for 12 months to see how things work out. You both keep your existing homes and rent them as a security net. Then you can buy together and make sure that all contributions and payments are legally recorded and shared.

Dont waste time like I did hoping he would change, he won't. Get out now

I would bin this fucker ASAP.