I’ve just messaged the OWs husband

[The6thQueen]

Found out she’d called my husband again and asked him to set up another email account for them to talk. We’re over
But I’ve just forwarded her husband all their WhatsApp messages and images of her in the shower. Apparently she hadn’t told him the full story and they are starting IVF again shortly.
Im shaking and feel like a bitch, but I want her to hurt (and my stbxh) to hurt like I and my children are

@The6thQueen

I’ve just started another thread to separate this from the OW husband msge

What thread is it please?

This one

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4295586-6thqueen-cheating-thread

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@Doghead

Why?? She's been cheating on her husband with a married man. Why shouldn't she get what she deserves?

Even a beating?! Really?![/quote]

Don't be bloody ridiculous. The OP is about informing the husband. That is "everything she gets". Why would you even mention wife beating?

Nice to see the usual moral cowards and cheater apologists (when its a woman) are here to pick apart op in their anguish.Well done op, I wish more had the guts to do this

Good on you. Recently found out just a few months into a romance that was a relationship The guy was a lying cheat. I contacted other victims of his lies.

The bottom line is when people are provided with the details they deserve. They can make a decision for themselves.
You've given him an option to decide what to do now.

Why should she be protected. Why should you suffer. Why should you and her partner be treated like this.

Go girl! You are a strong woman. She made her bed.

@Soontobe60 she deleted the photo so the husband won't have received it. So that means your point about photo is irrelevant.

I think in the husbands shoes I'd like to see what my wife actually wrote rather than hearsay, which the OP has provided. Nothing illegal or immoral in that.

So no, she hasn't actually acted in a shitty way by any means.

Revenge porn, OP. Whatever the rights and wrongs, you need to be very careful.

A woman who came on here and said her ex had distributed nude pics because she had cheated, would absolutely never be told she deserved it.

Do you know if he was aware of the affair before sending the messages?
If not then there might have been gentler ways to break the news to him I understand the sentiment but your execution could’ve been more compassionate towards him

Well done. Worth telling the OWH's about the shower pics even if you can't send. Sorry you're going through this - I'd screw him and her in any way I could tbh!

I just want to know if the husband has seen your messages and if he has responded to you!

@SafeMove

Someone who is about to start IVF with their lovely husband, whilst conducting an affair and farting around taking photos of herself in the shower whilst trying to set up secret email accounts is broken. You are not broken OP. You are hurt.

I will never understand how fucked up people can get, to do this to other women, to other children and people they are so bonded to that they marry and plan children with. There is a fundamental crack in their mind. OP, what you have done by sending those messages is NOTHING in comparison. Do not hate your life, you are about to get it back.

What a stonking post. You are so right, SafeMove :)

[quote PinkyPunkyHairdoo]@Soontobe60 she deleted the photo so the husband won't have received it. So that means your point about photo is irrelevant.

I think in the husbands shoes I'd like to see what my wife actually wrote rather than hearsay, which the OP has provided. Nothing illegal or immoral in that.

So no, she hasn't actually acted in a shitty way by any means.[/quote]
I have asked for my post to be deleted.
Apologies, OP, I get why you did what you did. I’ve been the other wife in your situation and receiving messages from my husband’s ‘other woman’s’ husband was heartbreaking.

I'm glad you've started another support thread OP, this one's going to be all about the messages and you sound in need of some TLC xx

I have been the wife and I saw all the messages on the secret email. Mixed feelings about this - I was glad to see it all but it also stays with you forever, considering half of the things he said about me was not true. He did it for effect....OW feels less guilty sleeping with a married man who has a shitty wife right?

About six years ago I was working for a restaurant, we all had a group chat.
One morning no we all woke up to WhatsApp screen shots between the deputy manager and one of the waitresses. All forwarded on by the deputy’s wife to us (his colleagues) so we could see what sort of nonsense they’d been up to.
Hell hath no fury and quite frankly, too right too.
Sorry to hear what a monumental cock stain they’ve been to you and your kids. What you’ve done is fine.

Good for you OP

@Helpme20

I have been the wife and I saw all the messages on the secret email. Mixed feelings about this - I was glad to see it all but it also stays with you forever, considering half of the things he said about me was not true. He did it for effect....OW feels less guilty sleeping with a married man who has a shitty wife right?

You say that it stays with you forever, but with any luck you'll come to realise it's just one of those things people who lack integrity do. They lie. As you state, his lies were for effect. They were designed to achieve what he wanted to achieve. Those lies were not about 'you' as you. Those lies he created were about an everyman (everywoman); an idea of a person in his head which he had to create in order to live with the guilt of cheating. I would actively embrace knowing the extent of his lies. Many women don't get that luxury.

@Lexocet - i totally agree with you. Seeing the messages gave me perspective and the extent of the lies and deceit. So unless the husband was already aware of the affair and chose to stay together, he will be glad that he got those messages.

I would love to have been able to do this. I wanted the OW to spend at least one night feeling anxious and stressed , as I am nearly every night and day since I found out .
And I wish I had been told by someone , so I could have made a better exit plan.

There’s no risk of him being violent?
I know if I were to have an affair my DH would harm me, maybe worse. I know it’s a crappy thing to do but I’m not sure someone deserves to be killed for it although mumsnet will probably think otherwise.

@Stillfunny - people like OW have no morals and no feelings so i very much doubt that they spend restless nights.

Listen to me… I’ve been exactly where you are right now.. it’s hurts like hell.. the life and man you knew is no more. It’s a scary place to be but I PROMISE you, you will get through this. It will feel like your world is falling apart, and that feeling is overwhelming, the panic, the sadness, the anger, the hurt, the lies. But you will put you and the kids back together again and you will be all the stronger for it.

Make him go.. you need time and space and you need to process this pain.

You absolutely have done the right thing sending the messages to her husband and the images. He deserves to know the level of deceit in his life too. I also contacted OW’s husband, he didn’t believe me at first but once he’d done his own digging he came back and apologised for not believing me in the first place. I appreciate what other posters are saying re the images. That still wouldn’t worry me though.

Always here to chat.. pm me.. I’ve rebuilt my life now.. and I’m in a good place. You can too .. be strong and be brave ❤️