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Original poster

Dh says he wants me to leave his house

228 replies

CarolinaMina · 12/07/2021 10:29

Need some urgent advice please because I have no idea what to do.

Dh and I have been married for 10 years but have only started living together since last November. There’s a whole load of reasons for this - mainly distance as he moved away for work. Me and 3 dc (our joint dc) moved in with him in a November due to COVID but it became apparent quite quickly he was not happy with this. It’s become almost unbearable the last few weeks and last week he said he wants me and dc to move out and that he can’t live with us. Every day since he’s asking me several times a day if I’ve found somewhere to live yet. I genuinely don’t have any money for a deposit for a flat. When we moved in together, my universal credit dropped, due to his earnings, and I only get £180 a month child benefit. I do work part time in the evenings, with the potential to do more hours. I have no savings.

I don’t even know where to start with finding somewhere for us with no money for a deposit. Will the council help me? We moved into his home that he owns. Everything is in his names, the mortgage, all bills. He’s this morning written me a formal notice of eviction.

Does anyone know if I have a legal leg to stand on or any information on if the council will house me?

Im sorry I’m really, real,y stressed right now and feel like I’m breaking down. I just don’t know what to do and as a result, I’m doing nothing. I feel I’m a daze

OP posts:
RevolvingPivot · 12/07/2021 16:29

England. Married 6 years

bobby6678 · 12/07/2021 16:31

It's really simple, all assets/ houses/ cars/pensions/ everything is jointly owned. if you divorce you basically divid the assets (think about balancing a spreadsheet). the percentage is dependant on circumstances and length of marriage.

Ten years is a long term marriage, add in children...at least 50%

Mia85 · 12/07/2021 16:35

The basic rules are (these are the general rules - not a comment on your situation specifically):

a. if you are a married/in a civil partnership you have a right to live in the family home even if you are not a legal owner. It's explained quite nicely here rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/. If you want to look it up in detail it's section 30 Family Law Act 1996.

b. if a couple divorce then everything they own can potentially be divided regardless of who owned it during the marriage. There's no hard and fast formula that you can apply to know exactly what you'd get so if you were divorcing you'd want to get advice on your exact situation. Broadly 50:50 is a starting point but if can go up or down from that. If you'd been a SAHM for a good portion of that time that would be potentially relevant in a claim for a larger portion of the assets as would any particular needs if you couldn't work etc.

Cloudninenine · 12/07/2021 16:38

Do not under any circumstances move out. He cannot evict you. You are not his tenant.

Speak to a solicitor. In the meantime tell him you and the children will not be leaving, and if he doesn’t want to live with you he can move.

It doesn’t matter if the house is in his name only. It’s still a marital asset. You’re most likely entitled to at least half the value plus child maintenance when you split.

You must speak to a solicitor and you must not move out.

Lilymossflower · 12/07/2021 16:44

Divorce the prick and keep the house 🙄 what a nasty man

lastcall · 12/07/2021 16:45

Don't move out and get legal advice immediately.

Married for 10 years and children together .... he can't throw you out. If he's unhappy, he can leave. Until then, stay put.

IAmAWomanNotACis · 12/07/2021 17:30

What the hell is wrong with this man?!

I assume you will be divorcing him. To want to kick his wife and children out and to serve her bloody notice is unforgiveable.

As others have said - Stay. Put.

Wegobshite · 12/07/2021 17:35

If he’s the sort of wanker that would quite happily throw his kids out on the street .
Then he’s also the sort of wanker who would equally report his wife to the DWP for benefit fraud ( if this is the case ) or at the very least use it as a bargaining tool to ensure she walks away with very little .

I would imagine that he would try to use the fact that the OP has been claiming UC for many years while being married and having 3 kids in that time to get her to walk away quietly and with very little money .
He could even refuse to pay child maintenance using the UC claim as a way of keeping the OP compliant with what he wants .
If he’s never supported his kids for the past 10 years and has been quite happy to let the OP claim UC for her and the kids then he is highly likely not to want to pay a big chunk of his wages out in Child Support either .

gardeninggirl68 · 12/07/2021 17:43

@ElevenSmiles

I've known people do this, It's called benefit fraud.
this is worrying....very

how can this still be allowed to happen? assume he stayed the night regularly

so not so much a separate household at all

Draculahhh · 12/07/2021 17:44

Just for the people who keep bringing this up, you can legally claim as a single person, even if you are married as long as...
A. You live in whollyseparate households
B. He does not contribute to the household finances, I.e pay bills. (Maintenence does not count towards benefit calculations)

CutePanda · 12/07/2021 18:07

Very odd that you have 3 DC together and married for 10 years, but have only just started living together. No wonder neither of you realised you’re not compatible.

If you divorced and live apart then yours and your DC’s lives wouldn’t change. Makes me wonder if your husband has another family.

Dddccc · 12/07/2021 18:16

@RevolvingPivot yours is different as you have all lived together as a married couple for 11 years

SirVixofVixHall · 12/07/2021 18:20

@CutePanda

Very odd that you have 3 DC together and married for 10 years, but have only just started living together. No wonder neither of you realised you’re not compatible.

If you divorced and live apart then yours and your DC’s lives wouldn’t change. Makes me wonder if your husband has another family.

I thought that too. Could he have another family do you think OP ?
Viviennemary · 12/07/2021 18:20

That is not the case Draculahhh. According to what somebody has quoted from a Government website futher up the thread.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/07/2021 18:22

@Draculahhh

Just for the people who keep bringing this up, you can legally claim as a single person, even if you are married as long as... A. You live in whollyseparate households B. He does not contribute to the household finances, I.e pay bills. (Maintenence does not count towards benefit calculations)
Well that's for HMRC to establish, given that the OP has not provided anything further.

Posters on here are just advising that, with the information the OP has given us, they stand to be in trouble with Benefits due to the situation they have outlined

FindYourPorpoise · 12/07/2021 18:30

@Draculahhh

That isn't true. HMRC can (and have) determined that people in relatively new and casual relationships are a couple when it comes to benefits and credits claims. The fact they are married and have 3 children would mean HMRC are likely to assume there is a legal partnership that affects UC entitlement.

I'm not trying to get the boot in, just clear up some misinformation.

stellaisabella · 12/07/2021 18:34

Start divorce proceedings. You're legally married so you're entitled to half of everything, including the house.

SuperstoreFan · 12/07/2021 18:51

@stellaisabella

Start divorce proceedings. You're legally married so you're entitled to half of everything, including the house.
She'll also be legally in the shit so her half of the house will be paying off the DWP.
PurpleOkapi · 12/07/2021 19:02

I'm missing something. If she was paying for housing with benefits before, and we're charitably assuming she was legally eligible for those benefits, why can't she just move out and go back on them? The only problem there would be what to do for the few weeks before they're processed, and that doesn't sound like an insurmountable obstacle.

Don't get me wrong, I think their arrangement of living apart for ten years and having three kids in that time is at best bizarre, and at worst an abuse of the system. But OP says they only changed it because of covid, so it seems they were both happy with it.

ancientgran · 12/07/2021 19:23

@thelastgoldeneagle

Right. The Revenue Benefits website says that

Section 3(5) defines a married couple as a man and woman who are married to each other and are neither
a. separated under a Court order nor
b. separated in circumstances where the separation is likely to be permanent.

From the date on which a couple marry they will be treated as a married couple for tax credit purposes EVEN IF THEY DO NOT BEGIN LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSEHOLD.

(my caps)

See revenuebenefits.org.uk/tax-credits/guidance/how-do-tax-credits-work/understanding-living-together/#Married%20couples%20and%20Civil%20Partners and www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/claimant-compliance-manual/ccm15035

Looks like OP and her h have been committing benefit fraud for ten years. Hmm

OP needs to get legal advice. And they need to pay back all money they have claimed fraudulently.

I worked with someone who got caught like this. She got pregnant and questions were asked about if he was the father, he was, and how that happened when they were separated. She ultimately admitted he was just working in a job where he was away alot.
ancientgran · 12/07/2021 19:26

@Draculahhh

Just for the people who keep bringing this up, you can legally claim as a single person, even if you are married as long as... A. You live in whollyseparate households B. He does not contribute to the household finances, I.e pay bills. (Maintenence does not count towards benefit calculations)
Not sure how you manage to get pregnant 3 times if you are living wholly separately.

She says he was living elsewhere for work, that isn't a separation. He obviously came home from time to time.

Jerima · 12/07/2021 19:41

I think she's gone

Crikeyalmighty · 12/07/2021 19:51

The thing is you can claim if still married (hence separated people claiming) but the presumption is that there isn’t an ongoing relationship of any kind. If you’ve had children during that time then they will see it as an ongoing relationship. The problem is here I think the OPs husband has done a total turn on OP— and he could in theory get her in trouble if she claimed and she makes it awkward for him. She needs to stay put and go for divorce and it’s difficult to advise logically, as the waters have been muddied

Immaculatemisconception · 12/07/2021 20:13

@Jerima

I think she's gone
She’s been scared off by all the fraud posts. I hope she’s okay.
ancientgran · 12/07/2021 21:11

@Crikeyalmighty

The thing is you can claim if still married (hence separated people claiming) but the presumption is that there isn’t an ongoing relationship of any kind. If you’ve had children during that time then they will see it as an ongoing relationship. The problem is here I think the OPs husband has done a total turn on OP— and he could in theory get her in trouble if she claimed and she makes it awkward for him. She needs to stay put and go for divorce and it’s difficult to advise logically, as the waters have been muddied
I think you are right.
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