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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh says he wants me to leave his house

228 replies

CarolinaMina · 12/07/2021 10:29

Need some urgent advice please because I have no idea what to do.

Dh and I have been married for 10 years but have only started living together since last November. There’s a whole load of reasons for this - mainly distance as he moved away for work. Me and 3 dc (our joint dc) moved in with him in a November due to COVID but it became apparent quite quickly he was not happy with this. It’s become almost unbearable the last few weeks and last week he said he wants me and dc to move out and that he can’t live with us. Every day since he’s asking me several times a day if I’ve found somewhere to live yet. I genuinely don’t have any money for a deposit for a flat. When we moved in together, my universal credit dropped, due to his earnings, and I only get £180 a month child benefit. I do work part time in the evenings, with the potential to do more hours. I have no savings.

I don’t even know where to start with finding somewhere for us with no money for a deposit. Will the council help me? We moved into his home that he owns. Everything is in his names, the mortgage, all bills. He’s this morning written me a formal notice of eviction.

Does anyone know if I have a legal leg to stand on or any information on if the council will house me?

Im sorry I’m really, real,y stressed right now and feel like I’m breaking down. I just don’t know what to do and as a result, I’m doing nothing. I feel I’m a daze

OP posts:
unlimiteddilutingjuice · 12/07/2021 15:14

Excuse the spelling mistakes- I've just had my covid jag and I'm not completely with it

redastherose · 12/07/2021 15:16

No one on here knows the full circumstances of the OP's position or the reasons why they lived in separate locations so there is little point in guessing nor pointing figures and declaiming the OP as a benefits cheat!

Only a solicitor can properly advise OP having reviewed all of the circumstances.

SofiaMichelle · 12/07/2021 15:21

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, MOVE OUT RIGHT NOW. If he is so desperate to be alone tell him to find a flat.

And claim UC to fund it?

NotSorry · 12/07/2021 15:28

@redastherose

No one on here knows the full circumstances of the OP's position or the reasons why they lived in separate locations so there is little point in guessing nor pointing figures and declaiming the OP as a benefits cheat!

Only a solicitor can properly advise OP having reviewed all of the circumstances.

Agree - some posters are jumping on the OP regarding benefits which she may be perfectly entitled to and the thread is getting derailed from what she posted about, which is a shame and not helpful to the OP.
chesirecat99 · 12/07/2021 15:39

I was entitled to uc as we lived in separate households until November

If you are legally married, you would not be entitled to UC because you live in separate households, only if you are separated (ie no longer in a relationship). Whether it was intentional or not, it sounds like you have commited benefit fraud. Unless your household income (ie your and/or his salary, not your expenditure) changed when you moved in together and that is why you are no longer entitled to UC?

That could make things complicated, if you have told DWP you were separated. Your H may use that as proof that you were not in a relationship for most of the 10 years, which could affect the financial settlement. If you claim that you were in a relationship and married, you are admitting to benefit fraud.

Did he give you money when you were living apart? Let me guess, was it his idea that you claim UC? Why isn't your name on the house/mortgage? I'm wondering if he planned this set up all along to try and protect his assets and shirk his financial responsibilities to you and your DC. Is he financially abusive? Do you have access to shared money or only the child benefit/UC? Have you ever had joint finances?

The set up would also have meant, if you told UC that you were separated before he bought the house, that he might have been able to divorce you without consent after 5 years if he felt like it and tried to hang on to the house if it was bought after the "separation". You can hardly contest it on the grounds that you were not separated if you have told UC you are. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pretend that you were just staying at the house as guests because of COVID so he could see the DC, not living there as husband and wife, given the eviction notice.

bobby6678 · 12/07/2021 15:42

I'm a bit confused by the posters claiming she's not going to be entitled to 50%.. she has three children, is the primary caregiver and earns very little.
Op you will get MORE than 50%, ten years of marriage, three children, i'd be starting with 70% in your favour.

I don't know much about UC but if OPs DH earns very little, i'm guessing she may be entitled them.

BeachPicture · 12/07/2021 15:44

Don’t move out, divorce him first.
Who the fuck throws their own kids out as they want a single life and get to ply at being married when they want?

minatrina · 12/07/2021 15:46

Can we give it a rest with the fraud accusations?! Yes it's sensible to point out to OP that she may have gotten herself into a legal bind depending on what she's said when applying for UC, but all the nasty comments about taxpayers money etc are uncalled for - IF she has committed benefit fraud, OP clearly didn't realise this or else she wouldn't be so blasé about admitting it it, and I really wouldn't mind betting that she's been mistreated and misled by her partner over the course of their marriage.

@CarolinaMina, without know more details of your UC claim and about your marriage and arrangements it's hard to say much, but I want to add my voice to the choir of suggesting you speak to a good solicitor ASAP. Your husband sounds like a nasty piece of work and I'm so sorry you and your children are having to deal with this!

chesirecat99 · 12/07/2021 15:49

@unlimiteddilutingjuice

Can everyone stop banging on about the UC. Its not the main issue and you're running the risk of alarming the OP at a vulnerable time. I work in welfare rights and the issue of whether people are or arent in a relationship can be quite complex. Sometimes people's relationship status is ambiguous and arguments can be made both for and against two people counting as a couple for benefits purposes. It sounds like OP's situation is in this catagory. As others have rightly said, OP needs to get some proper legal advice. In the meantime please stop freaking her out with all this careless talk about "benefit fraud". FWIW OP's "D"H sounds like an abusive, irreponsible asshole and I'm very glad OP had something to rely on all this time, besides him.
The problem is that if their relationship is "ambiguous" that may affect her rights in a divorce. If she is married and in a relationship with her DH, then she can't claim UC, even if they live apart. If she isn't married and in a relationship with her DH and that is why she was entitled to UC, that might have an impact on any divorce settlement. It certainly puts her in a tricky position as her not DH can report her for benefit fraud if she doesn't do what he wants eg he claims they have been separated for 10 years and the marriage broke down immediately and they are just co-parents. It might be easy for OP to prove otherwise but then she is admitting to benefit fraud.
3scape · 12/07/2021 15:50

Keep his "eviction notice" as evidence that he intends to deprive you access to marital funds.

minatrina · 12/07/2021 15:51

@3scape

Keep his "eviction notice" as evidence that he intends to deprive you access to marital funds.
Yes yes yes - absolutely vital that you keep records of everything
Dddccc · 12/07/2021 15:52

If this house was bought before marriage she has no claim and also if bought when married and he can prove he is the only one ever to make payments on the house it can also mean no claim and because she has only lived there a short time that also goes against her also that she claimed benefits as a single person counts against her too and yes legally he can evict op but not his kids if they are his

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 12/07/2021 15:57

A divorce and a financial settlement are very unlikely to trigger an investigation into the OP’s entitlement to have claimed UC. The posters focussing on this are being alarmist and very unkind.

OP, whatever you do, do not leave the marital home!

You both have a responsibility to ensure your children are adequately housed. For the moment that is where you are now.

Keep that bogus “eviction notice” to show your solicitor when you appoint one.

Good luck and all the best to you.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 12/07/2021 15:58

The problem is that if their relationship is "ambiguous" that may affect her rights in a divorce
Absolutely.
That's why she needs proper advice from someone who:

  1. Understands the legal test for UC
  2. ALSO understands divorce law
  3. Has all the details about her circumstances.
Not a bunch of strangers on the internet accusing her of benefit fraud.
postitgirl · 12/07/2021 16:00

where did you live before you moved in with him op. Can you go back there? Will he help you get the deposit for a new place? Moving is really expensive. It's a strange situation. Did you live apart for 10 years. I'm separated but if I ever were to be in a relationship again I would actually love to live separately. I don't think i could cope with living with a man again.

frazzledasarock · 12/07/2021 16:03

@Dddccc

If this house was bought before marriage she has no claim and also if bought when married and he can prove he is the only one ever to make payments on the house it can also mean no claim and because she has only lived there a short time that also goes against her also that she claimed benefits as a single person counts against her too and yes legally he can evict op but not his kids if they are his
That’s not right. They’ve been married ten years and have joint children.

OP do get legal advice ASAP.

Shmithecat2 · 12/07/2021 16:04

@Dddccc

If this house was bought before marriage she has no claim and also if bought when married and he can prove he is the only one ever to make payments on the house it can also mean no claim and because she has only lived there a short time that also goes against her also that she claimed benefits as a single person counts against her too and yes legally he can evict op but not his kids if they are his
Absolutely not. It is now the matrimonial home, and a marital asset.
Mia85 · 12/07/2021 16:07

@Dddccc

If this house was bought before marriage she has no claim and also if bought when married and he can prove he is the only one ever to make payments on the house it can also mean no claim and because she has only lived there a short time that also goes against her also that she claimed benefits as a single person counts against her too and yes legally he can evict op but not his kids if they are his
Why do people confidently state false information on complex legal issues? This kind of mis-information can do real damage to people. This is obviously an unusual situation and the OP needs professional legal advice from someone who has all the detailed facts. As far as I can see the OP hasn't even said which bit of the UK she is from.

Assuming she is in England or Wales, it is completely untrue to say he can evict her. As numerous PP have pointed out, she will have (matrimonial) home rights regardless of whether she is a legal owner of the property see e.g. rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/ the actual law is here

There is also no rule that pre-owned assets cannot be claimed in divorce. If they are a wealthy couple with more than enough to house the family and meet their needs then the fact that assets were pre-owned might well mean that the owner is able to argue to keep more but that does not seem relevant here. There is no reason to think she couldn't make a claim on the house in a divorce.

Dddccc · 12/07/2021 16:13

Well what I wrote is not false it was legal advice, yes its complicated by the fact they did not live together until 9 months ago my legal friend sent me that info when I asked

Mia85 · 12/07/2021 16:20

@Dddccc

Well what I wrote is not false it was legal advice, yes its complicated by the fact they did not live together until 9 months ago my legal friend sent me that info when I asked
No reputable lawyer would give legal advice based on a few lines on the internet. I would be extremely surprised if a lawyer with expertise in family law gave that advice. It is quite clearly wrong advice if given to a married person in England and Wales.
Babyroobs · 12/07/2021 16:21

Were you claiming as single before you moved in? Does he pay child maintenance?

bobby6678 · 12/07/2021 16:22

If this house was bought before marriage she has no claim and also if bought when married and he can prove he is the only one ever to make payments on the house it can also mean no claim and because she has only lived there a short time that also goes against her also that she claimed benefits as a single person counts against her too and yes legally he can evict op but not his kids if they are his
--------

ABSOLUTE CRAP...you really should NOT post when you have absolutely NO idea what you are talking about.

The court will always prioritise the children, you have equal ownership of this house.

RevolvingPivot · 12/07/2021 16:26

@Dddccc

If this house was bought before marriage she has no claim and also if bought when married and he can prove he is the only one ever to make payments on the house it can also mean no claim and because she has only lived there a short time that also goes against her also that she claimed benefits as a single person counts against her too and yes legally he can evict op but not his kids if they are his
See I'm by confused by this. Myself and DH moved into a house together 11 years ago. His name is on the mortgage. He pays all the bills. I can't work or claim. I've said if we split me and the kids will have nothing but he said I'll have half. I wonder what the actually facts are?
Mia85 · 12/07/2021 16:28

Where do you live RevolvingPivot?

Mia85 · 12/07/2021 16:28

As in which nation not which town!