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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh says he wants me to leave his house

228 replies

CarolinaMina · 12/07/2021 10:29

Need some urgent advice please because I have no idea what to do.

Dh and I have been married for 10 years but have only started living together since last November. There’s a whole load of reasons for this - mainly distance as he moved away for work. Me and 3 dc (our joint dc) moved in with him in a November due to COVID but it became apparent quite quickly he was not happy with this. It’s become almost unbearable the last few weeks and last week he said he wants me and dc to move out and that he can’t live with us. Every day since he’s asking me several times a day if I’ve found somewhere to live yet. I genuinely don’t have any money for a deposit for a flat. When we moved in together, my universal credit dropped, due to his earnings, and I only get £180 a month child benefit. I do work part time in the evenings, with the potential to do more hours. I have no savings.

I don’t even know where to start with finding somewhere for us with no money for a deposit. Will the council help me? We moved into his home that he owns. Everything is in his names, the mortgage, all bills. He’s this morning written me a formal notice of eviction.

Does anyone know if I have a legal leg to stand on or any information on if the council will house me?

Im sorry I’m really, real,y stressed right now and feel like I’m breaking down. I just don’t know what to do and as a result, I’m doing nothing. I feel I’m a daze

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/07/2021 14:11

Luckily you're married so legally it's 50% yours

This isn’t necessarily true. If she’s being saying she was sepeated for Ten years to claim benefits, then if she says she was not, she could get done for ten years of benefit fraud. If she continues with the story she was seperated, then she’s not going to be automatically entitled to any of the house.

There just is not enough info here to help the op.

messybun101 · 12/07/2021 14:12

What a nasty nasty bastard your husband is

Honeyroar · 12/07/2021 14:16

This is really shocking. It sounds a really strange marriage. Does he want to stay married? I can’t understand why you’d want this marriage really.

thelastgoldeneagle · 12/07/2021 14:19

[quote NotSorry]@thelastgoldeneagle

Whether you are keen or not is irrelevant. If the OP is legally entitled to the UC then that is her business. You are derailing the thread with your feelings about UC and people who cheat the benefit system[/quote]
Yes. Seems like OP is NOT entitled to UC simply for choosing to live apart from her h - whether or not she knows it. See my most recent post.

And you're not the thread police Hmm

StarCourt · 12/07/2021 14:19

Op I don't think anyone can help you without more info

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/07/2021 14:20

IIRC you can get UC even if you live in the same house, but because the relationship is over or it's fraudulent.

This man obviously manipulated you, however.

FindYourPorpoise · 12/07/2021 14:22

I'm surprised this wasn't picked up by HMRC or DWP, particularly when the children were born.

Legally, for tax and benefit purposes, living separately doesn't matter, it's about having a shared life or finances. It sounds like your DH has kept finances separate but it would be hard to argue there was not relationship if you have 3 children together.

How often did you see each other before you moved in last year? If you have kids, HMRC would assume there is a partnership if he ever stayed over (unless he can convince them it's for contact with the kids) or ever bought anything directly for your home.

PeterPomegranate · 12/07/2021 14:25

No advice / experience but just a hug and to say that (unless we’re missing an enormous part of the story) it’s despicable he’s treating you like this. A formal notice of eviction!

Notmoresugar · 12/07/2021 14:26

Luckily you're married so legally it's 50% yours

This isn’t necessarily true. If she’s being saying she was sepeated for Ten years to claim benefits, then if she says she was not, she could get done for ten years of benefit fraud. If she continues with the story she was seperated, then she’s not going to be automatically entitled to any of the house.

There just is not enough info here to help the op.

Despite what BLUNTNESS says you are still married and therefore you are entitled to 50%.

It would be prudent to get legal advice.

Pinkdelight3 · 12/07/2021 14:29

I don't think there can have been any stance that she and DH were separated as 3 DC have made their way into the world over the decade. But I struggled to understand what she put on the forms in order to make a claim when it's clear she was married and both households should have been supported by her and DH, not by UC.

3luckystars · 12/07/2021 14:34

Maybe they were separated until she moved in. Maybe he is in a different country, not the UK. We don’t know the story here but OP your husband is married to you and you have a claim on his home now. Get legal advice urgently.

Where is he suggesting you go with his children? Is he unstable?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/07/2021 14:37

Despite what BLUNTNESS says you are still married and therefore you are entitled to 50%.

This is a myth, unfortunately. There is no legal, automatic 'entitlement' to 50%. England and Wales are not community property states so the OP does indeed need legal advice.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/07/2021 14:37

@3luckystars

Maybe they were separated until she moved in. Maybe he is in a different country, not the UK. We don’t know the story here but OP your husband is married to you and you have a claim on his home now. Get legal advice urgently.

Where is he suggesting you go with his children? Is he unstable?

He thinks the council magics up houses for his wife and family.
ThreeLocusts · 12/07/2021 14:42

@thelastgoldeneagle

When we moved in together, my universal credit dropped, due to his earnings, and I only get £180 a month child benefit.

It's shocking that you were able to claim UC just because you and your h chose to live separately. Why should the taxpayer fund you doing that? Your money and your h's money should be going to pay for both households.

Way to miss the point. If someone is under such strain, why not stay silent if you can't be kind?
RevolvingPivot · 12/07/2021 14:43

I've seen this happen re benefits. My husband is away 6 months of the year. The other 6 he's here most weekend. I can't work due to autism and anxiety. We have no money but I'd rather be skint than doing something illegal. Not saying you are op but I know some who are x

LIZS · 12/07/2021 14:44

He thinks the council magics up houses for his wife and family.

Don't you often need to have resided in the area for a while or have other established local connection.

ineedanewnameplease · 12/07/2021 14:47

You need to register your matrimonial home rights ASAP. As others have said do not leave the house!

Bluntness100 · 12/07/2021 14:48

Despite what BLUNTNESS says you are still married and therefore you are entitled to 50%

Sadly this is just not true.

The point remains, if the op has been commuting benefit fraud and saying they were seperated, any deviation from that story could see her with serious issues. She needs to get legal advice, as said she’s not given enough info here for people to properly help.

Naunet · 12/07/2021 14:51

Wow, every time I think I can no longer be surprised by a man’s behaviour, one comes along to out prick them all. He wants to evict HIS OWN CHILDREN?! He wants the state to support them so that he doesn’t have to? Is he insane?

What have you said to him about this? I’d be tempted to tell him I couldn’t afford it, so the kids will have to stay with him - it’s his turn anyway. Just call his bluff for your own entertainment. In the meantime, you need legal advice ASAP.

thelastgoldeneagle · 12/07/2021 14:52

@ThreeLocusts - Way to miss the point. If someone is under such strain, why not stay silent if you can't be kind?

Because benefit fraud is important too, and OP needs to know about it?

Lucked · 12/07/2021 14:55

I think you need to make it clear that you are not going anywhere anytime soon and that it is going to be a long haul getting out of this mess.

What are the living arrangement for you and the DC? How big is the house?

fromdownwest · 12/07/2021 14:56

The whole 50% entitlement is a myth, solicitors use it as a starting point, however, there are no entitlements to half.

momtoboys · 12/07/2021 15:03

I know this has been said but I am adding to the chorus. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, MOVE OUT RIGHT NOW. If he is so desperate to be alone tell him to find a flat.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 12/07/2021 15:13

Can everyone stop banging on about the UC.
Its not the main issue and you're running the risk of alarming the OP at a vulnerable time.
I work in welfare rights and the issue of whether people are or arent in a relationship can be quite complex.
Sometimes people's relationship status is ambiguous and arguments can be made both for and against two people counting as a couple for benefits purposes.
It sounds like OP's situation is in this catagory.
As others have rightly said, OP needs to get some proper legal advice. In the meantime please stop freaking her out with all this careless talk about "benefit fraud".
FWIW OP's "D"H sounds like an abusive, irreponsible asshole and I'm very glad OP had something to rely on all this time, besides him.

rathertakenaback · 12/07/2021 15:13

When I worked in housing benefits many years ago a woman who had been claiming benefits for less time than the OP while her husband lived elsewhere (so maintaining two separate households, but children of the marriage were born during that time - I think it was a period of about six years) was sent to prison, even though she had young children. This was over 20 years ago and they've cracked down on benefit fraud a lot since then.