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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh says he wants me to leave his house

228 replies

CarolinaMina · 12/07/2021 10:29

Need some urgent advice please because I have no idea what to do.

Dh and I have been married for 10 years but have only started living together since last November. There’s a whole load of reasons for this - mainly distance as he moved away for work. Me and 3 dc (our joint dc) moved in with him in a November due to COVID but it became apparent quite quickly he was not happy with this. It’s become almost unbearable the last few weeks and last week he said he wants me and dc to move out and that he can’t live with us. Every day since he’s asking me several times a day if I’ve found somewhere to live yet. I genuinely don’t have any money for a deposit for a flat. When we moved in together, my universal credit dropped, due to his earnings, and I only get £180 a month child benefit. I do work part time in the evenings, with the potential to do more hours. I have no savings.

I don’t even know where to start with finding somewhere for us with no money for a deposit. Will the council help me? We moved into his home that he owns. Everything is in his names, the mortgage, all bills. He’s this morning written me a formal notice of eviction.

Does anyone know if I have a legal leg to stand on or any information on if the council will house me?

Im sorry I’m really, real,y stressed right now and feel like I’m breaking down. I just don’t know what to do and as a result, I’m doing nothing. I feel I’m a daze

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/07/2021 12:38

This abusive dickhead cannot evict you and his kids.

8monthsinandcranky · 12/07/2021 12:40

This is crazy OP it’s not ‘his’ house and keeping a roof over your children’s heads is not ‘your’ problem. He can’t serve you notice of eviction on a property you have as much right to live in as he does. It’s a marital asset and if you’ve been married for 10 years with 3 shared DC then you have a right to any joint marital assets.

It’s hideous that you’ve had to take so much responsibility in this marriage. You need to speak to a solicitor ASAP and firm up on your legal stance, I think there is a type of form you can register to stop him selling or renting the family home without your consent??? Which would be a concern given it’s only in his name.

Once you’ve got legal advice then sit DH down and lay out the law to him ‘these are our children and you can’t put me/them out on the street because you don’t fancy living with us and family life is tough so you have 2 options either WE find a second home for me to live in with the kids, one we are both equally financially responsible for, or we divorce and split all of our current assets.’

Do not accept any bull shit about things being ‘his’ because ‘he worked full time’ raising 3 children IS work!!!

PickAChew · 12/07/2021 12:40

What is the point of being married to him?

NotSorry · 12/07/2021 12:41

@thelastgoldeneagle

Whether you are keen or not is irrelevant. If the OP is legally entitled to the UC then that is her business. You are derailing the thread with your feelings about UC and people who cheat the benefit system

WeAllHaveWings · 12/07/2021 12:42

@CarolinaMina

Thank you everyone for your advice. I’ve been on the phone to the council and phoning solicitors all morning. Im just going to have a proper read through all the replies and get back to all the questions

I am legally married
I was entitled to uc as we lived in separate households until November
I am in the UK

when you claimed UC did you declare both your marital status and all your marital assets including all property and savings (even the ones you perhaps saw as "his")?

If not you are stuck between benefit fraud or not being entitled to those martial assets.

What a mess, you need legal advice and include telling your solicitor about your UC claims and what you did/didn't tell them so they can advise you fully.

PurpleSunrise · 12/07/2021 12:43

What an arsehole

holrosea · 12/07/2021 12:44

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

Get on here right away - there is all sort of female centric legal advice. Without knowing the ins and outs of your situation, under UK law most cash and assets within a marriage are considered shared and the house would be a marital home, especially considering that there are 3 of your shared DC in it.

Clarice99 · 12/07/2021 12:51

@CarolinaMina

Thank you everyone for your advice. I’ve been on the phone to the council and phoning solicitors all morning. Im just going to have a proper read through all the replies and get back to all the questions

I am legally married
I was entitled to uc as we lived in separate households until November
I am in the UK

You chose to live apart, in separate households and HMRC/DWP funded that, at the expense of the tax payer?

How can that be allowed?

You are a couple, you chose to live apart, you didn't live apart because your marriage had broken down (then, not talking about the current situation)

If you were totally transparent about your circumstances and you were still eligible for assistance, then the system is all wrong.

Unsure33 · 12/07/2021 12:53

@Umberellatheweatha

of course it is different - they are married - and in theory it looks like they have matrimonial assets of which she will own and always has owned 50% .

FortniteBoysMum · 12/07/2021 12:54

Your married there for legally the house should be seen as 50 50. It certainly would be in the divorce which is where this is heading surely. Kicking out his wife and kids. Don't leave and see a solicitor. As far as I'm aware given that your married and raising his kids it's him that should be moving out. The children are under 18 so a roof over their heads is priority.

bobby6678 · 12/07/2021 12:55

There's absolutely no way he can remove you. I know as I couldn't remove my husband.
Don't stress you have lots of rights.

Viviennemary · 12/07/2021 12:56

Start divorce proceedings and don't move out.

TheGenealogist · 12/07/2021 12:58

You chose to live apart, in separate households and HMRC/DWP funded that, at the expense of the tax payer? How can that be allowed?

I agree! The only circumstances I can think of that this would be OK would be for someone in the Army perhaps, housed in barracks with a wife/family in a home elsewhere.

Not a husband moving away for work and the wife claiming benefits.

ancientgran · 12/07/2021 12:58

@thelastgoldeneagle

When we moved in together, my universal credit dropped, due to his earnings, and I only get £180 a month child benefit.

It's shocking that you were able to claim UC just because you and your h chose to live separately. Why should the taxpayer fund you doing that? Your money and your h's money should be going to pay for both households.

I agree. I remember when DD was at school there was a girl whose father worked overseas, very rich, she had fabulous holidays in Dubai, Australia all over the place. She told me DD she was a fool as she couldn't get free school meals, free bus pass for school and her mother (me) couldn't claim benefits as we hadn't worked the system properly.
Jerima · 12/07/2021 13:11

Rights or wrongs of the benefit situation, I think OP will have to possibly face the prospect of paying them back because it appears they may not have thought she was actually in a marriage.

Before you moved in what were the actual living arrangements with regards to how much time you spent in each others houses etc.

AgathaX · 12/07/2021 13:11

This sounds a complex situation. Was he contributing fairly towards the children when you lived apart? Is he asking for you to formally separate/divorce?

I really hope you have had some legal advice, or will be getting some very soon. Please don't leave the house, you and your children surely have a right to live there.

LIZS · 12/07/2021 13:11

Do you/he own the house or is it associated with his employment? Assets are shared and he has ti financially support the dc. Agree with pp even if you lived apart you should not have been treated as a separate household for dwp purposes, as you were his dependants.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/07/2021 13:15

@frazzledasarock

Don't move out.

See a solicitor.

Take pictures or copies of his wage slips, bank statements and pension statements and any other financial statements you can find.

You can sue information about his work etc to also claim CMS, once you have a solicitor in place start your CMS claim, and also notify child benefit and universal credits that you are separated but living in the same house till the divorce is finalised. They may or may not take this on board when assessing what you are entitled to (I gave them my solicitors details to prove I was separated, maybe ask your solicitor if you can do that.)

Do not move out as the council will say you intentionally made yourself homeless and you will not be a priority to house.

This!

Oh, my dear - what a dreadful situation to be in.

I know nothing about the law except that you DO have legal rights, and he has no right to treat you like this. There are people on here (especially on the legal boards) Whickham can offer good advice, and we will all support you emotionally. You must be going through hell.

Justcallmebebes · 12/07/2021 13:15

If you're married and they are the children of the marriage then he can't kick you out. What a wanker. Tell him to fuck off

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/07/2021 13:18

This is shocking. From start to finish. But now you’re in the situation, register your rights to live in the property as per the link above and get as much of the asset as you can out of this.

I am speechless as to how money grabbing and feckless you both have been and he still is.

kidsatuniemptynester · 12/07/2021 13:18

People don't have to live together just because they are married nor do they have to convince finances. OP had every right to that money because she was maintaining a separate household. It's no different from having a partner that you dont live with. Hang on, does this mean that everyone with a long commute can just get the tax payer to pay their bills? He cannot just evict you, he has a responsibility to support his family, not dump that on to me, the taxpayer. Get a solicitor, fast. DO NOT MOVE OUT

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 12/07/2021 13:18

@Hoppinggreen
He can write what he likes
You can also write Fuck off across it

Lol , Op I think you should do this , once you have spoken to a lawyer of course .
What a totally vile disgusting POS your H is.

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/07/2021 13:19

I am legally married
I was entitled to uc as we lived in separate households until November
I am in the UK
No you weren’t it makes no difference where you live, you were in a relationship with your husband. You can also claim UC while living in the same house if married but separated l. It works both ways. You need legal advice as it’s very likely you commuted benefit fraud even if unintentionally.

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/07/2021 13:19

*commited

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/07/2021 13:20

He can shove his 'formal notice of eviction' up his arse because you're not a lodger or a tenant. He obviously has this outdated idea that it's the state's job to bring up his kids and house them whilst he feathers his nest. Doesn't work that way.