Ha ha! Just building the tension! 
For background; largish town, I have not really been single since 2008. Last time I went out drinking was 6 months ago. My friend who I went out with is nuts when she’s had a beer.
Monday night about 8 friends says ‘I’m coming to yours in a taxi, we are going out’
Friend arrives we go to a lovely craft beer shop for a quiet drink as i’m after a chat, a pint of mild and some people watching.
Friend is a LOT of fun. Friend gees me up and after closing we go to a club.
I spot a guy who I kind of like the look of and realise all of a sudden I am single so decide to have some fun flirting and trying things out.
Friend by this time is a lost cause, she’s dancing, telling everyone she’s having an after party, generally being wild and fun.
I decide this guys seems quite a bit too young for me but he says he is 29 (i’m 33) so I decide to test the water re how much he will put up with (drunk idiocy).
I keep telling him things like - ‘i’m on my period’ ‘I have four kids you know?’ ‘I’m 33’
There are shots, I stupidly decide to take man home. He lives miles away (big taxi fare). I tell him he is coming home with me...
We fall in at 4am... I shout at him that he needs to go to sleep because i’ve decided I don’t like him anymore, then I wake him up an hour and a half later, call a taxi tell him to do the walk of shame down my little culdesac of body neighbours and delete his number.
Then my friend and I have to go and sit in church for an hour long class mass at the school still in clothes from the night before reeling of booze...
It confirms that I am not good with ONS... poor bloke must have been so confused! Also in the light he looked like he was only about 20.