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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really rude thread but I need advice! Here goes ..................

137 replies

mummyvontummy · 24/11/2007 21:26

Have finally got together with someone I've been hankering after for MONTHS and everything is brilliant. Except for one thing. I have always been horrendous at, well, oral sex. And he is the first guy to not skip over the fact-in fact he said he thinks maybe I should talk to my friends about how they do it and maybe get some tips! Argh!!!! I'm so embarrassed! Does anyone have any tips? As I don't actually have any real friends. Well I do but I don't want to admit my weakness to them! Help! This will probably be thrown off here in 5 mins or I'll be barred, but I don't want to go trawling cyberspace because Google will pick up all sorts of scary stuff!!!

OP posts:
Charlee · 25/11/2007 17:35

I find if you act like your really enjoying it (even if you don't particuarly) then it comes across better so the odd moan and heavy breathing makes him think your really into it.
Also if you actually put something edible on it like squirty cream or chocolate sauce then by the time you have likced him clean you are less nervous and enjoying yourself more.

Original poster
mummyvontummy · 26/11/2007 14:18

Right, couldn't wait until Monday so invited him round last night and ..... apparently I started off well but dwindled towards the end! 3/4 hour later I'm going to dwindle! What's wrong with him!!! Think I prefer the single uncomplicated lie tbh! But at least I've got fabby tips for when I find a grateful guy! xx

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyvontummy · 26/11/2007 14:19

Sorry, I meant simple life, not lie xx

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 26/11/2007 14:20

he's a selfish twat! anyone would dwindle with jawache and boredom after 45 mins....

Tell him if its that bad to sod off...he's probably really getting off on bossing you about..

dingdongmerrALYonhigh · 26/11/2007 15:24

45 mins he must be completley numb below the waist, jesus 15 mins give me jawache. I use it as part of foreplay not instead of sex.

MrsSlocombe had to dig deep in the annals of memory for those tips no sexlife here either!

MuthaHubbard · 26/11/2007 15:54

Bloody hell 45 mins....no wonder you'd had enough by then!!!

Well if he's that ungrateful I wouldn't bother again. There are some ladies who don't like it at all so he should have been honoured! Especially after all the effort you put in. Is he actually wanting you to end up with lockjaw?

Never mind, don't let it get you down or put you off Someone will appreciate the effort and not mind you 'practising' on them a lot I'm sure!

VictorianSqualor · 26/11/2007 16:32

45minutes!!
OMG, I do 5 about once a quarter

OrmIrian · 26/11/2007 16:38

Oh FFS! Why can't he just tell you what he wants. I am a bit boggled that he'd rather you discussed the intimate details of your newborn sexual relationship with your friends than tell you himself. He's obviously not too embarrassed if he can complain about your technique

OrmIrian · 26/11/2007 16:41

rofl. I just read that it took 45 mins. What a tw*t! 45 mins!

Overrun · 26/11/2007 16:51

I am amazed by the 45 minutes and then his comments afterwards. I wonder if he has trouble ejaculating this way and is blaming your technique.
FGS, I like giving head, but would baulk at 45 minutes.

bubblagirl · 26/11/2007 16:57

when i got with my dp i didnt really know how to do it never like the thought of it before

he was really kind and told me what he liked and if i had done good never said id done it wrong or ask a mate just said do this or try this it was a special moment you shouldnt feel uncomfortable

i was always told its like sucking a ice lolly so maybe get the mini milks out and practice lol

just saw your technique lol its not wrong that is correct theres all sorts of ways but its trial and error make sure its real wet you can get dick licks from ann summers makes it a bit better for you too

the top, is the most sensitive so dont spend to long there in my mind if he said it eas wrong that really isnt a very good confidence boost he should be encouraging you helping you not making you feel bad

is he the right man for you?

if he does something and your really not enjoying it tell him and ask him to speak to his friends i'm sure he wouldnt like it

maybe before you give anything else to him you might need to figure out if he is the one for you as he doesnt sound very supportive in an area where it helps to be emotionally close so no embarrassment is felt only support and caring

or bite it and say oops sorry my friend gave that advise

bubblagirl · 26/11/2007 16:59

god yeah after 45 mins id have jaw lock and dribbling terribly lol not attractive if i get bored i tend to just finish off by hand

MsPontipine · 26/11/2007 17:57

Oh bless you - and there you were all keen and all - he's a lucky guy - good grief 45 minutes - don't know if any of us "experts" (!!!) could have gone on 4 that long!!
Keep going mate he does sound quite fun and if you're willing to go to these lengths 4 him you must enjoy his company too!
Maybe do what Belle de Jour did when she wanted to hurry things up a bit - a quick finger up the bum!! Something to do with the prostate I think - but this I know absolutely nothing about this one but sure others do . . . .

Pinkchampagne · 26/11/2007 18:06

He should count himself lucky that you're prepared to do it! Agree with DDF - tell him to sod off if he isn't happy.

bananaknickers · 26/11/2007 18:12

what a cheeky git. I agree with giving him marks out of ten when he goes down on you .
Tip I got in a book was to treat the penis like it is a little or big mini him.
Well don't know if it works for me. I get bored after 20 minutes.
What is the average time ? Can we have a poll on this?

Fireflytoo · 26/11/2007 18:26

DITTO everything else here but another tip... get interested...tell him to lie back and let you explore...he is not allowed to say or do anything unless you want him to...then you try out anything you feel like. Listen to him.. you will know if you are doing it right. One of the important things is that you should actually LIKE what you are doing. Once you learn to like it, he will be so turned on by that it won't matter what you do.

Also, if you are only new together, he might still be expecting the same feelings he had before with previuos girlfriend's techniques so he has to give you time to get used to each other ...

But Muthahubbard def had some good advice there.

Fireflytoo · 26/11/2007 18:31

only just saw about the 45 mins....would he spend 45 mins doing the same for you? Although that begins to sound a bit ouch to me....

banana... average here about 10 minutes but with breaks for other body parts (can be 20 secs

LoveAngelGabriel · 26/11/2007 18:34

He really should be the one advising you on 'technique'. FGS, that's part of the fun, surely?

Fireflytoo · 26/11/2007 18:36

....ooh and don't forget the rest of his ummm wedding veg . ...tickle and hold them while sucking vigorously...never fails to do the trick for my dp..

Have cup of tea (or other preferred hot drink) and glass of cold drink. alternate them ...will give you a break too...

Walnutshell · 26/11/2007 19:08

My suggestions: print off this thread and let him read it... He'll probably get off on all the attention and you can read a book instead.

Fireflytoo · 26/11/2007 19:27

walnut.... or he can read while she goes down and it won't take 45 mins anymore

Walnutshell · 26/11/2007 19:34

Just think of all the other more useful things you could be doing in 45 minutes...

MrsSlocomb · 26/11/2007 22:14

Well I told dp about this thread and even though we haven't have sex for a VERY long time he couldn't understand the notion of a bad blow job. Oh he said vigourous sucking was no good.
45 mins!!
Like I said earlier, he's a prick, find sonmone else.

dd666 · 26/11/2007 22:30

he needs to let you know what he likes!
i find its easier for me to relax whilst dp cant see what im up to also when he is sorting me at same time.
if he doesnt like it dont do it at all

MsPontipine · 26/11/2007 22:30

Hey MrsSlocomb love - if you have a dp how come you haven't had sex 4 a very long time - if you don't mind me being dead nosy.
As 4 how long - I'd say def around 10 minutes max - I too would prefer it to lead on to better things if it's not a desperate quicky job or something ( missed out the blow to sound more polite - ended up sounding like a pro - and not a very good one at that!! )