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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Embarrassed to have sex with me.

136 replies

Pinkysx · 09/07/2021 16:53

My partner has just admitted that he watches porn because im an embarrassment to him and doesnt want to have sex with me. Just that really. Not really sure why I'm even writing this just feel completely at a loss right now. Just to add he was cheating on me last year also so this is just another kick to an already wounded heart.

OP posts:
Friendofdennis · 09/07/2021 18:39

This person will you make you feel more and more worthless It might be hard to believe right now but you can be happy with someone who will love you.

Worstyear2020 · 09/07/2021 18:40

Let me guess, you are financially dependent in him?

1WayOrAnother2 · 09/07/2021 18:42

Do you have an enemy who would work this hard to make you miserable?

Let this 'prize' amongst men back into the dirty sludge he crawled from.

He is not the man for you - or any other woman.

justthecat · 09/07/2021 18:42

Kick him out the back door he’s too much of a embarrassment to go through the front

me4real · 09/07/2021 18:45

No it wasn't a row I just seen him watching porn on his phone and I asked him to watch it in private if he must watch it and not just chill on the sofa watching it like its fucking netflix so he said that and then continued watching it sad

He carried on deliberately to hurt you- or was maybe watching it on the first place thinking you might see and be upset.

I really dont understand what he gets from being like it

He enjoys hurting you. Sad

Echobelly · 09/07/2021 18:45

Well, I wouldn't want to have sex with a rude, entitled bully.

thepeopleversuswork · 09/07/2021 18:49

@Pinkysx

No it wasn't a row I just seen him watching porn on his phone and I asked him to watch it in private if he must watch it and not just chill on the sofa watching it like its fucking netflix so he said that and then continued watching it Sad Tbh ive been waiting for the explosion, ive felt tense around him all week, picking at every little thing and leaving me to do everything and then critising me for anything he can think off. Just really tired now and cannot deal with it tonight. If i remove myself from the situation he'll have ago at me for going to bed and twist it saying im the one thats being nasty, if I stay downstairs with him he will keep trying to pick a fight, if im nice and act normal he will just keep going until i break. Then he will have ago at me for apologising or crying. I really dont understand what he gets from being like it
I'm sorry to sound harsh but you really really need to raise your bar. Your self esteem is clearly on the floor: maybe due to him, maybe for other reasons.

Nothing here is remotely acceptable and its disturbing that you think any of it is. Watching porn in the living room with you is just so off the chart unacceptable I had to read this three times to see if I'd read correctly.

You need to stop worrying about his views/opinions. It is all totally irrelevant.

Just get yourself and your kids the hell out of of dodge as fast as you can. And then get some counselling.

Have you got anywhere to go?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 09/07/2021 18:49

This is mental cruelty. You don't deserve this treatment, OP.

toocold54 · 09/07/2021 18:54

Have you asked him to leave?
Who’s name is on the tenancy?

TheCouncilDontHelp · 09/07/2021 18:56

This is emotional abuse. LTB.

Peachee · 09/07/2021 18:56

You’re being abused. If you haven’t got the courage to leave work on building up that courage.
I wasted 3/4 years with an abuser and I live to regret not leaving sooner.. the way he talks to you is not normal. Life will be spectacular when you leave.
Just work on it work on yourself.. get out xx

SamW98 · 09/07/2021 19:06

Pack your bags, leave the twat and let him spend his sad lonely days watching porn wanking into a sock

Almondcroissant25 · 09/07/2021 19:11

Why on earth are you with him????

bigbaggyeyes · 09/07/2021 19:13

Leave him!

moynomore · 09/07/2021 19:15

OMG. Come on OP, get away.

Forkrightorf · 09/07/2021 19:16

He sounds revolting Envy < not envy.
What would you advise your children to do if someone was making them feel the way he is making you feel? Do that. There is support for you - we can help x

66babe · 09/07/2021 19:20

Tell him thank fuck for that because you were shit in bed
Now fuck off and enjoy your loving loyal relationship with PornHub

Hopefully you can either get rid or move out ... find someone who will love you for you .. stretch marks and all .. you've probably earned those stripes in childbirth so be proud and be glad to get rid of this shit

Tal45 · 09/07/2021 19:22

Well I can't imagine you want to have sex with him, what a horrible, horrible person. Can you take the kids and go stay with family or something, you can't stay in this abusive situation, your kids will grow up thinking that is normal.

OhTheTastyNuts · 09/07/2021 19:26

Please don't stay in this relationship OP. A relationship should bring positive things to your life. Enrich it. Make it better. This man is doing the opposite.

I wish I knew you in RL so I could provide practical support to get you away from him. Your life will be infinitely better without him in it.

littleburn · 09/07/2021 19:26

You don't need to wonder why he's like this, you just need to leave.

SixesAndEights · 09/07/2021 19:30

I really dont understand what he gets from being like it

What do you get from staying?

sourcreamnchives · 09/07/2021 19:41

Dump that piece of shit out if your life

Original poster
Pinkysx · 09/07/2021 19:51

In the past he has said things that he's embarrased to go out with me and be seen with me because everyone knows what a slag I am, and that I can have any man I want and I know it and love the attention, things like that. I guess this is just coming from that as well.
Its not as simple as just kicking him out or leaving, i have tried that and it got ALOT worse and I wasn't mentally ok to take it and It made me really ill. I am now seeing a therapist, and i have a domestic abuse worker so I am taking steps, im just not 100% there yet and for my mental healths sake and my children's i need to be 100% there this time before I make any bold moves. I am getting there, im just trying to build myself up and find myself again and ignore the shit he throws at me for now. Also thankyou for all the kind messages and advice

OP posts:
MaudTheInvincible · 09/07/2021 20:00

From your last post it sounds like he's aware that he's an inadequate, insufficient little man, and he wants to make himself feel less insecure by degrading and demeaning you.

Sack him off as soon as you can safely do so, OP. He is not worthy and what's more he knows it.

tsmainsqueeze · 09/07/2021 20:01

@Pinkysx

We live together 2 children. As a pp said, this is just one of the vile comments under many. I know exactly what he is and exactly what he does. Ive heard so many nasty things over and over again which I can just brush off usually but this was a new one and it kind of hit me different.
How can you brush off vile comments ? This vile man will crush you until you are a shadow of your former self , if not for yourself get out and make a happy life for your children who will be soaking up their fathers words and behaviour. Start planning now , i would rather live rough than spend a minute with someone as disgusting as this.
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