Embarrassed to have sex with me.

[Pinkysx]

My partner has just admitted that he watches porn because im an embarrassment to him and doesnt want to have sex with me. Just that really. Not really sure why I'm even writing this just feel completely at a loss right now. Just to add he was cheating on me last year also so this is just another kick to an already wounded heart.

Yes, he's got to go. You'll feel much better immediately. Good luck, you
deserve it.

Can you leave?

Or him leave?

What's your setup?

Well, he's an emotionally abusive shitebird and a half, isn't he?

What he gets out of it is enjoyment of your pain and his dominance over you.

Dump his horrible arse.

The only answer to that is oh well never mind, I don’t wish to have second with a vile narcissistic arsehole anyway

Oh and LTB

OK. So now you're going to get the little shit out of your life.
Where to begin? Freedom programme, Women's Aid. Confide in friends (if you have them, I think they're a bit like unicorns) and family.

What's the financial/housing situation like? How easy would it be for you to extricate yourself and your children? Or could you get him out?

Emotional abuse can be reported or discussed here

You know it isn't right. You know he shouldn't treat you like this. You shouldn't have to withstand that kind of pressure. You're going to be so much happier without him. You are. And so will your children.

Take it one step at a time, when you're ready. But get him as far out of your life as you can. And keep posting.

Don't let him normalise his nasty creepy behaviour OP. I hope you can get him out or make plans to take your DC and leave.

LTB

He will not change and it seems as though you won't leave so don't expect anything to change. You deserve so much more than this waste of space!

Every time I read a post like this I have to roll my eyes.

Why are you with him still? It’s not even like he’s said something indirect that you can pick apart to get to that conclusion. He said he watches porn because he’s embarrassed of you.

Leave him, find someone else who respects your worth. There’s not much else to add here.

So it’s your fault he’s wanking off to porn. Lovely man.

I really dont understand what he gets from being like it.

I do, Pinkysx. He's a sadist who enjoys hurting you. (He also sounds like a pathetic inadequate little shit, but that's less important.)

He is making you feel worthless, he is teaching your children that you are worthless and probably that they are worthless too. And he will continue to do it until you leave him.

Please get yourself and your children away from this poisonous man. For their sake if you won't do it for yourself.

@dyslek

Leave this tosser to wank himself out of the gene pool. There is litterally no way you are better off in this relationship than out of it.

Oh man

Going to have to use that one to describe a few shit men to my friend!

DO NOT LEAVE HIM. Make him leave you by kicking him out. Pack his clothes in garbage bags and leave them outside after you have changed the locks. If you have a Yale lock it is easy to change the core yourself. It costs about £10, a similar core compatible with a Yale lock is about £5.
Good luck.

Eh pack his bags and ditch him. Dick!

No it wasn't a row I just seen him watching porn on his phone and I asked him to watch it in private if he must watch it and not just chill on the sofa watching it like its fucking netflix so he said that and then continued watching it sad
Christ I
Hope your children weren’t around, that is awful.

You deserve better. Your children deserve better. You need to leave.

@Esspee

DO NOT LEAVE HIM. Make him leave you by kicking him out. Pack his clothes in garbage bags and leave them outside after you have changed the locks. If you have a Yale lock it is easy to change the core yourself. It costs about £10, a similar core compatible with a Yale lock is about £5. Good luck.

Well that depends on their living situation sadly. If they own the house jointly she can’t legally do this. Leave doesn’t always mean physically leave, just the relationship needs to end.

You owe it to yourself and your DC to leave him.

This is a horrible, toxic, abusive environment and you all deserve much better.

DC WILL already be affected by growing up around this, don’t make it their whole childhood and their blueprint for relationships.

Sweetheart - it’s not you and you know it in your soul.
You and your kids need to find a different experience. No matter how much you convince yourself it’s you . It’s not . It is him.

He has issues he needs to work out and it’s not your job to do that.

Right now your head and self esteem are probably battered and confused m. Try to find your power you do have it. You will have it. That I promise you.

I was once told similar and I beloved it wholeheartedly with conviction. I believe that I needed to change . Do better. Be better . Etc.

We all have different experiences so I’m not comparing it . I have no idea what’s in your head

But I can tell you that no matter what you think. Decent humans do not talk to other humans in that way . A decent mad would never speak to you in that way or crush you. A decent man or woman would love you for who you are. Loving every bump and wobbly bobbly bit.

But right now you just need to know that there is a different way for you to live life and live life. I absolutely promise m.

But the change can only come from you- from within. Not from him. Don’t do anything for him. Or backed on his reaction - do it for you because you deserve more . No one is perfect and no one has to be. But I’ll tell you something - no one has to be cruel abs abusive either . He has a choice and so so you . Mumsnet have got your back.

Try to imagine what it would feel like to believe in yourself and love yourself.

What he gets from this is treating you like crap and you just taking it and are still there so there’s no reason for him to change. He can act how he wants because you allow it because you’ve not left. Don’t let your kids think this is a normal relationship. It’s not going to improve if you stay

OP, have you read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft? You can download it and read it on your phone free, I think. You will learn heaps more than he does getting pornsick on his.

In the end, it doesn't matter why he is being so vile, does it? What matters is what it's doing to you and your children. If you could totally understand him, would it make his behaviour in any way acceptable to you? Of course it wouldn't.

But Bancroft will open your eyes and show you how it's not you; it's him. Nothing you can do can fix him, but I think you know that. You probably won't feel right and truly happy again until you've cut him loose, but reading this book will help you get to the point where you're ready to start the process.

You are worth so much more than this.

He's the embarrassement, not you. If my DH spoke to me like that I'd tell him to piss right off.

Honestly, you need to get rid of him, OP. You may need to plan carefully, but he needs to go.

He is gaslighting you and chipping away at your self esteem.

Stop doing anything for him. Don't cook for him, don't do his washing. Make his home life so unbearable that he will leave willingly.

Just leave him. He sounds horrendous. Your poor kids, living in this atmosphere. And you deserve better.

You're in a relationship with an abusive man.

He's mentally destroying you, on purpose.

Get away from him as fast as you can, and take your kids. Take your life back.