Husbands family

[Anonymously2]

Wondering what others think and if I'm being unreasonable. Weve been married 18 months together 7.5 years and have a 1 year old. Well his family don't accept partners. Whenever there is an invite to a social event its always sent to my husband with a message added to the bottom no partners. I've tried explaining it is hurtful constantly being left out and made to feel unwelcome. Husband promised me once we were married he would make it clear to his family this wasn't acceptable but he continues to socialise with them and tells me I'm.not invited. Am I being unreasonable to want him to see this is hurtful and that I am also family?

Wow this is ridiculous and just plain rude and hurtful of them. I would expect my hubby to 100% back me up on this and tell his family he only attends with his wife, as she is family.

I think that's utterly bizarre. But if I were you I'd perhaps be grateful not to have to go. Do you send the child with him? Or don't they want children either?

You got a DH problem here love.

He needs to man the fuck up and tell his family that if he excludes you, he’s not going to have anything to do with them.

No partners? That's bizzare. What about children are they allowed? I bet they'll have you there when they want to see or show off the grandkids but don't want to do the childcare

Wow. Your husband is an arsehole. Worse than his parents as you should come as a team.

This is weird! There's nothing wrong with family seeing each other without partners sometimes, but this seems quite bizarre! Has anyone ever challenged them on it and got an explanation?

It's every social occasion you can think of, birthdays Christmas new years. If its at anyone's House then the children are welcome but partners still not. His mum will even say "she likes to be mummy" and "looks forward to having the grandchildren so she gets her turn to be mummy" I've challenged it many times and just get told to get used to it. He always says he's not missing social events because of me and will always say well it's special this time I won't do it next time.

I live in a parallel universe I think.
Beyond weird.

This is shocking!
No child of mine would be going there so granny can play mummy, not a chance.

I'm surprised you married him when that was his and their attitude.

Only you can decide if you are going to tolerate it. Does it mean you spend every special occasion with your family and take DC with you?

Have you ever met his parents?

You know the answer to this one.

He can take the DC to them when it's his weekend

Why did you marry someone who doesn't respect you? I couldn't be with someone who thought this was ok as its really really not. Please think about what you get from your relationship as your husband has some issues

WTAF!!!

Did his family come to your wedding OP?

Urgh. Freak family.

Well I wouldn't be letting my one-year-old visit the in-laws if I was not welcome too. MIL has had her time to "be mummy". Behaviour like this would mean that she wouldn't get the opportunity to "be granny".

Let hIm off but I wouldn't be quick to send the dc. Imagine your dc growing up thinking this is normal family behaviour. They sound like a right shower of assholes and you're better off not having to socialise with them, but the queen bitch doesn't get to play mummy to your child.

Yeah definitely weird. Why did you think it would change when you were married though? They obviously have never and still don't respect you as a partner/ wife. It's up to your dh to work out his priorities. Being excluded from big events like Xmas and New Years is totally unreasonable.

Not that I condone their behaviour AT ALL, but I'm wondering if it's some kind of cultural thing? Saying that, I can't think of any group who would condone this kind of behaviour. It's just odd and incredibly rude.

In fact I can't understand why you would marry someone who behaves like your husband. You were going out with him for years before you married him so knew very well what he and his family were like. Why would anyone marry into this family??

And what do you do on Christmas Day and New Years Eve and all those other occasions? Sit at home alone while your husband and child celebrate with his family?? Just bizarre really.

I can’t get my head around you being left out at Christmas and New Year. I really hope you don’t mean the actual day. How on earth can your DH justify leaving you on general holidays? I can just about understand his DM asking for only her children to be there on say her birthday but not other festivities.

Do you have family? If so, I can’t imagine they exclude your DH.

I’m not normally a fan of ultimatums but in this case I would be delivering a very stern one to your DH, that either you all go or no one goes. If he says no then you need to consider your future very carefully.

So after 6 years of this, you married him??
The mind boggles.
What happened at your wedding?

Oh hell no. I'd have kicked up a stink about this a long time ago and DH would have had the option to either grow a pair or get gone.

Wow. Just when I thought I'd seen everything on MN.

Does he not realise how weird and dysfunctional his mother and siblings are being? That NO-ONE acts like this outside his family?

It's quite, quite insane.
Do you know any of the other partners? What do they think? What happens if the event is at one of the sibling's houses?
And what happens on Christmas Day itself?

The thought of her wanting your child there and not you, in the future is really disturbing.

Run.