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Original poster

Husbands family

112 replies

Anonymously2 · 03/07/2021 17:49

Wondering what others think and if I'm being unreasonable. Weve been married 18 months together 7.5 years and have a 1 year old. Well his family don't accept partners. Whenever there is an invite to a social event its always sent to my husband with a message added to the bottom no partners. I've tried explaining it is hurtful constantly being left out and made to feel unwelcome. Husband promised me once we were married he would make it clear to his family this wasn't acceptable but he continues to socialise with them and tells me I'm.not invited. Am I being unreasonable to want him to see this is hurtful and that I am also family?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymously2 · 03/07/2021 20:19

So for about a year before our wedding I was included in things but then it reverted. His mum lived abroad for a big part of the time before we were together so it was an issue less often. Since the birth of out child his mum and sister have both moved extremely close by and the behavior has worsened.

His family came to our wedding as did mine but come the evening move all their tables together and all sat together ignoring everyone else. the behaviour is largely dominated by his sister- she seems to host most events, his mum remarried in the last year and her partner is also excluded and seems fine with this! Its myself and the older brothers partner who are getting annoyed with it.

Weve only had one Christmas with baby. I work in care so previously if its my year to work he will see his family whilst I work and I see my family after work often together . Or if I'm home we will see my family together and he then goes onto see his family.

I've said this week moving forward he can go to events but that our daughter will not be going and that he needs to start telling his family that we are all a family unit ourselves and that I'm sure the behaviour wouldn't be tolerated if I started doing the same!

OP posts:
Aprilx · 03/07/2021 20:25

I couldn’t have married into a family that we’re going to treat me like that, well not if my husband was going to go a long with it anyway.

ShagMeRiggins · 03/07/2021 20:27

No. That’s all I can think of. Just a big fat NO.

I’ve been around a while and around the world, and I never seen or heard about this in any culture as a thing.

This is a hugely dysfunctional family dynamic. It needs to be challenged and changed, or gotten rid of.

No on your behalf. And no on behalf of your child(ren).

Let your husband deal with the fallout.

yourestandingonmyneck · 03/07/2021 20:29

Her turn "to play mummy". How fucking creepy Confused

She's their granny! Not their mummy! And seeing them at a party or gathering is no way anything like being their mum.

Ridiculous.

The "no partners" on invitations is insane and they've got away with this for to long IMO.

Any further invites like that would be going straight in the bin if it were me.

noirchatsdeux · 03/07/2021 20:29

Whereabouts in the world are you?

Fullofglee · 03/07/2021 20:30

She sounds batshit.

Anystarinthesky · 03/07/2021 20:30

I've said this week moving forward he can go to events but that our daughter will not be going and that he needs to start telling his family that we are all a family unit ourselves and that I'm sure the behaviour wouldn't be tolerated if I started doing the same!

This was my first thought when I read your post. What a cheek they have, treating partners like this. I've never heard of anything so rude!

AuntieDolly · 03/07/2021 20:38

I'm sorry, but that sounds really sinister to me. Are they a cult? What are they doing that partners not allowed to see?

HerMammy · 03/07/2021 20:38

She excludes her own DH? bloody weird, I’ve never heard the like.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 03/07/2021 20:39

Bloody hell. Some of my ILs are very much of the view that, even after 20+ years married to DH, I still don't belong to the magic circle, but even they invite me to events.

Chatterboxy · 03/07/2021 20:49

Your husband has zero respect for you!

boymama82 · 03/07/2021 20:49

Wow this is realllllly weird, so sorry you're in this position, your husband needs to get a grip and be your husband!! Bunch of freaks

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 03/07/2021 20:50

This is honestly one of the weirdest things of I've ever heard of

NigellaSeed · 03/07/2021 21:00

They would not be allowed near my child, but tbh if my DP treated me like this, I would have not stuck around in the first place. Wtaf

pog100 · 03/07/2021 21:01

Do they have any idea how totally unusual/weird this is? Is there some cultural thing at play here? I can honestly say in my 60 odd years I've never heard anything like this in a family, ever.

Zari29 · 03/07/2021 21:05

This is so weird But what is even more ridiculous is that you knew they were like this but went ahead and had a family with this man? Why complain now when it's always been this way?

Bunbunbunny · 03/07/2021 21:12

Can you invite your in law who isn't invited to come over and keep the children with you?

If that my DH I'd put my foot down and say no invite for mum no children we come as a package

Dontbeme · 03/07/2021 21:14

Just leave him and his family to it OP, bin him off. This doesn't get better, can't be negotiated, can't have boundaries in place to be made better, it's just not worth it. You cannot reason him into respecting you, forget mil, sil or anyone else this is a DH problem, run.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 03/07/2021 21:16

Is having sex difficult with that cord op?

AnneElliott · 03/07/2021 21:22

That's crap. No I wouldn't be sending the DC there - your husband can go alone.

MIL is a bit like this with photos (not with events) and I like to remind her of it if she asks for favours. I say 'well surely a family member (this is what she says when she doesn't want partners in photos) would be better placed to do that for you'?

Windinmyhair · 03/07/2021 21:24

No child of mine would be going somewhere I was not welcome whilst I was still with my partner.

We are a family or not at all - if she really wanted to 'play mum' she could do it with her own, grown-assed child.

If he didn't stand up to her, i'd be considering divorce.

Funnylittlefloozie · 03/07/2021 21:31

How many partners are we talking? You, MILs new man, at least one BIL....can you not invite them all to the 'Alternative Smith Party? It would let you all get together and let off steam, plus it would piss off MIL.

There is no way at all I would ever tolerate my children going to something that I had been actively excluded from. No way.

Selttan · 03/07/2021 21:48

What bullshit!

Next 'family' event you are not invited to, I'd organize an event with the other partners not invited and take my child to that.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 03/07/2021 22:16

What happens when you host? Who do you invite, and who comes?

ShiteningMcQueen · 04/07/2021 05:00

Are they some organised crime family and this is their 'plotting time'??!! Confused

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