New man. How can I help him to come?

[FreDsk]

New man can come easily with blow jobs. When inside me he can go for ages and just doesn’t come. He’s said he’s nervous and wants to make sure I’m ok. I can believe this as he’s very respectful and inexperienced with sex. I’ve tried to get him to relax a bit. He doesn’t watch porn as far as I’m aware and he’s very loving in intimacy. Once when drunk he said he will sort himself out maybe once a week or so but that he doesn’t usually watch anything. I don’t think it’s related to porn. Are there better positions to help this, should I do more foreplay? It’s starting to worry me.

If he's coming quick from a bj he likely enjoys the visuals. TBH I've never known a man not to finish quick during a blow job.
Try the stereotypical shit, dress up and overplay your role?
Don't get stressed about it, it definitely isn't a race and you'll give the poor boy a complex if you let it become an issue.

Hes lying about porn.

How long have you been together? When I first got together with my boyfriend he found it difficult to come - he eventually (and gently) explained that for men it can be quite mental/emotionally tied… more than we give them credit for. He basically said that his feelings for me were still growing so his confidence and comfort level were still growing too!

Is it really a problem? Surely you can just have sex and then have oral to finish if necessary? Or shock horror, he doesn't have to orgasm every time.

I wouldn't focus on it as a goal, as it will make it more stressful for him and you, as long as you're both enjoying yourselves what does it matter really?

Are you getting to orgasm?

I suppose it doesn’t matter, just want him to enjoy it!

It isn't that unusual. Many women would like a man who goes on a long time. As long as you both enjoy it, why worry? If you make an issue of it, he will be less likely to 'come' but if you are both relaxed and loving what you do, he will from time to time.

Orgasm is not the be all and end all of everything - and you say he does orgasm from a blow job.

Men, just like women, can have sex and not orgasm and still enjoy it.

Presumably he's not lying there looking bored and unhappy when you're shagging.

He does sound a bit nervous about hurting you, maybe you could try being on top, or as others suggest, finish him by hand / oral

Porn. Fact he denies it at all points to an addict.

“ How long have you been together? When I first got together with my boyfriend he found it difficult to come - he eventually (and gently) explained that for men it can be quite mental/emotionally tied… more than we give them credit for. He basically said that his feelings for me were still growing so his confidence and comfort level were still growing too!”

This. Been here. Took a few months and has since been good (apart from in the aftermath of birth injuries where the dysfunction was on my side) for well over a decade.

Porn + death grip. Loads of threads from women experiencing the same problem. When I’ve told previous partners to ease up on the porn and masturbation, it rectified the problem. Through death grip, they become desensitised to a woman’s body and her vagina.

Death grip???

The best position to make a man cum (in my experience anyway) is missionary, once he's inside you, cross your legs at the ankles and really squeeze your pelvic floor tight.

Also, do you finish him off with a blow job? It doesn't have to be one or the other, you could have penetrative sex for a bit and then let him finish himself in your mouth or on your chest. I think you need to make it a non issue, just enjoy eachother, the more you both relax the easier it'll be.

@FreDsk

Death grip???

Yes - you will need to search on here for multiple threads on the topic. You'll learn a lot - I did!

I would be running for the hills. Stop wasting your time with this one. It has porn issue written all over it.

Yep! Too accustomed to his own hand, which is more stimulating than a vagina.

Might it be that he is used to the stimulation from a hand with a firm grip and so being inside you is not as stimulating? Because he hasn't been able to come previously he might be a bit anxious about it and that might be affecting him too. I'd try doggy style if you haven't already and suggest he could also try using his hand on himself while also going in and out of you. The other thing to try is to not sort himself out for a week.

100% lying about the porn. He’s suffering from death grip…run!!!

Re Above: I’ll take back 100% and put it at 90%.

er . . . mouths, in my experience, provide less firm pressure than most vaginas. If it's death grip, why would he find it so easy to cum from a blow job? That just doesn't make sense.

Because the porn 100% brigade have absolutely no fucking idea what they’re talking about.

Where the fuck do you get such dodgy info from?

It's the lack of visuals plus death grip. BJ is a familiar poem trope. So is PIV of course but not without the close up. Staring at your partners face rather than his cock isn't doing it for him

IOW . . . you've decided that's what it is so you'll twist whatever you need to out of the actual facts to make it so.

There's no lack of "visuals" in missionary, and anyway the OP didn't actually say that missionary was their main thing. Doggystyle provides a similar height differential to a BJ, and there's nothing like the boobies swingin' in woman-on-top.

Apart from which you're just moving the goalposts now. Absolutely noone in the replies above said anything about "lack of visuals + death grip". They said "death grip".

It may well be a thing - I'm not trying to make any general point here. Just saying that for this particular case, it doesn't make any sense. Noone with a desinsitised willy could cum from a blow job. No way.

Do you use condoms? If not then it may be the fear of pregnancy.