Goading

[Platterpuss]

NC for this as I feel so crappy.

Everyone who knows me says I’m ultra caring, kind and fun to be around. I’d say that I’m proud of this. I do feel a bubbly person.
Flip side, there’s been a lot of comments in terms of DH’s moods and fiery nature. He doesn’t hide it.

Back story: I’m a sahm to my ill daughter. She’s been in and out of hospital with a long term condition. It’s been tough but I’ve not let it get to me, and remained positive.
I pamper dh. I don’t know why and I know it’s to my detriment but I guess it’s easier to.
I get up every morning (sometimes 5:30am) and make his breakfast and packed lunch for him while he stands and watches me. (He doesn’t like his sandwiches done the night before!)
In the evening when he gets home from work, I ask nothing from him. I cook and clear up. He’s a bit of a princess tbh.

Anyway..he is fairly moody and if things don’t go his way, he flips!!
He got home from work last night in a fuming mood. It left me on egg shells but I still got him a beer and cooked and stayed up beat.
This morning while I was making his breakfast, he was snarling about life. Then said I hadn’t spoken to him properly yet (?!) and was obviously sulking! (I’m not a sulker). When I replied ‘but I’m busy and will be there shortly’, he snarled under his breath and then said I was being argumentative.
I said ‘you’ve just said I’m sulking, and now you’re saying I’m argumentative, I’m confused’
He continued to goad me saying that was me, either sulking or argumentative!! I didn’t reply. He carried on and on at me, while watching me make his sandwiches for lunch.
Then he gave his trump card...’time of the month is it?’

Is it just me..but this is a line that shouldn’t be used?! I find it really invasive and personal.

He’s deflecting all his moods onto me, then finding a reason for them being my fault!!

Last month I didn’t have PMT as I was in hospital with our daughter. That taught me a lot. Maybe I don’t actually get it?! Maybe it’s him making me think I have?!

I asked him twice calmly this morning to stop as it wasn’t worth it, but he continued goading me. The last comment was said, and I walked away.

Just feel so deflated ☹️

Your husband clearly hates you and is a horrible man.

Get yourself away from him and your life will be so much better.

Just to clarify, I’m utterly my daughters rock. I’m there for her every minute of every single day, above and beyond normal parenting due to her health. I adore her in every way. Her needs are put before mine and she’s protected. When I say she’s my rock, I don’t use her as an emotional crutch..I mean she’s my world and is the reason I keep going

Without this awful man, your needs would at least be able to come second, behind your daughter's. What does he do for her?

Also, if she is like you, she'll become his primary target in time, as you are now. Get out before that becomes worse than it already is.

I mean she’s my world and is the reason I keep going

The reason you keep going with your husband?? She sees how he treats you. I don't know her circumstances but that is what she will think a normal relationship is like and if she ever has one she will be going through what you are now. As will your other child.

I know it's easy for us to say and it's terrifying to do in RL, but just ringing Women's Aid's number is the first tiny step and not that difficult really. As I said before, they will just listen and support you, not try to force you to do anything you're not ready for.

Read your posts again, Platter, do you not think you and your children deserve better?

You seem determined to ignore posters trying to help you see that you're in a relationship with an abusive bully?

Do you know that you are but don't feel ready to tackle it yet? Or do you not see that he is a toxic and abusive person and your daughter is therefore living in a toxic abusive environment.

With her health issues (I'm so sorry as I know I how tough this is) wouldn't it be better for her to live in a calm environment with her lovely mum, away from a man she has even told you treats you horribly?

You've being abused. That means your house is an abusive household. No child deserves to grow up in one of those and a child who is poorly is already going through so much without having to worry about that too.

OP, your responses are really irritating. You won't get any prices or a pat on the back for being a martyr. If it were just you then crack on being so spineless but you do have children and you owe them to woman the fuck up!

You say it’s your ill daughter who gives you reason to keep going. What about your other child? Do you feel differently about him/her?

None of this is healthy, op, I really hope the scales are falling from your eyes and you can see this horrible relationship for what it is.

Please please please listen to what people are saying. And what your H is showing you. He doesn't respect you, doesn't even like you it seems. No sign of love. He treats you like a skivvy who should bow and scrape, and he can't even be kind in return. In fact he actively tries to upset you.

He is making you miserable. It sounds like your DD wouldn't miss him if he wasn't around. You face a genuine risk that your relationship will spoil your DCs chances of healthy relationships in the future.

You have it in your power to change this. The sooner the better. For you and for your DC. Every day you carry on acting as his servant he will believe he deserves it more and will respect you less.

I have two children with health conditions and disabilities. I have a disability and multiple health issues myself. There is a constant flow of surgery, appointments and commitments around our needs. The one thing I did years ago to instantly make our life and well-being better was to turf out my abusive ex-husband. He is a better father not living with us, and my kids are happy and thriving. I have a supportive boyfriend now, and I don't need to be on eggshells with him. Please leave. You indicate that your child is your priority and not remaining in a toxic relationship is part of that care. You owe it to yourself not to be the Sandwich martyr.